My sister, 87 has multiple problems, diverticulitis at the moment, and it’s driving me insane. She is 87 I am 80 and have a few mobility problems and finding it hard to clean up as my sight is poor. My son is the main caregiver but must work as he cannot get financial aid. I am scared I will die, and he will be stuck with all this. I have told him he must put her into a care home if I am dead, but I cannot sleep from all the worrying. She also has aortic stenosis and recently was discharged from hospital UK with a DNR. Most of her problems stem from alcoholism from which she became paranoid Schizophrenic and suffers from vascular dementia. I can cope with everything, but the poo makes me feel petty.
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I see the choices as;
- Waiting & leaving a stressful mess for your son.l & sister, or
- Planning & arranging the care your sister needs now.
Also arrange what care/services you may need too (if any) eg groceries, home cleaning.
Encourage your son to live an adult independent life. To work & earn he must - for his own retirement!
I have a relative with some similar serious & progressing conditions. The main caregiver has not planned for the future either. This wish to avoid change NOW will leave a FUTURE mess. Maybe they don't care as they won't see it..
Professionals advised getting settled into a care facility NOW. That this would be SO MUCH KINDER than dumped into the closest NH in an emergency.
At your age you are compromising your health and mental well-being.
Take care of you!
In a different post you say that your son who is in his fifties had to quit his job because he couldn't work and take care of you and your sister. Now he went back to work and you have to do for your sister at your age? That's ridiculous.
I don't know if you know this but about 50% of caregivers die before the people they care for.
For your son's sake put her in a care facility. Consider this. What happens to your sister and to you if your caregiver son drops dead (God grant him a long and healthy life) because being the caregiver to you and your sister hastens him to his grave? This happens all the time.
Your son should not have to live in a house where there is literally sh*t all over the place. You should not have to either. Your sister is an alcoholic, incontinent schizophrenic with vascular dementia.
She needs a higher level of care than the two of you can give her.
Do you and your son really want to die on that caregiving hill? Put her in a home so she can get the physical and mental care she needs.
I have a relative who was an alcoholic. All of his caretakers are deceased and he is still living at ninety-one. It's funny how these people will find folks who feel it's their job to take care of them.