Fear? Is Mom afraid to be alone when you walk the dogs?
My Mother because very clingy ie 'shadowing' when a health event left her very dependant on others. Frets when carer leaves her sight/the room. (Never admit to it)
Being on O2 must mean Mom is not very mobile? If she can be left alone but is fearful it may be time to consider a sitter a few times a week? That way you could go out for longer periods (with more peace).
It won't be good for you (or the dogs!) to become housebound too.
Resentful of the time I spent with my husband, my children, my cat and the myriad of dogs that passed through our home. (we foster for a rescue) Although I helped her every single day for years (she’s now in care), she demanded I leave it all, move in with her, and devote myself entirely to her. Nope. And all the insults in the world didn’t bully me into changing my mind.
From the sound of it, mother is jealous of the times when you take out the dogs for a walk and she stays at home alone. So it’s about being possessive about you and your time, not actually the dogs.
You could try to work on “she doesn't like for people to see her on oxygen”. That’s the deal if you are to go out. And she must have some income, and ought to pay or contribute for “the price of gas”.
Could you start working on a ‘friend’ to visit for an afternoon a week, while you get some time for yourself? People do better when it’s ‘your friend’ to start with, then becomes the sitter when mother is used to her. You can say that she ‘enjoys your company, Mom, it’s a change for her’. If she is paying her household contribution, you may be able to put it up to cover the cost.
Your last posts here were in 2018. Just curious -- how's it been for you during the past 4 years? You wanted help from your sister. Even though it sounded like she wasn't going to help, did you ever find help elsewhere?
Has your mother declined a lot in the past 4 years?
I have been just getting on with doing. My sister has never helped and as far as I see, never will. I've mostly come to terms with that, mostly. Yes, mother has declined. She is now on oxygen 24/7, can barely walk, and has a host of physical ailments. She doesn't like to get out of the house because of the pain and she doesn't like for people to see her on oxygen. I had been taking her for short, site seeing rides but now with the price of gas that has almost come to a halt. Thank you so much for asking.
I have told her something to that effect. She believes I should spend all my time with her because she's lonely and I should entertain her. But when I have a chance to get away from her I do. So if I'm with my fur kids and not taking care of her or just sitting with her she's heaping on the guilt. It's exhausting.
While walking my dog at a local park, I met a guy also walking his dog. Our dogs said hi to each other, so we humans did the same. In talking with him, I found out he was divorced and he saw his daughter once every other week, yet he got to pick up the dog every week. He admitted he loved the little guy more. I totally understand him. Kids can be really bratty and a handful to deal with. OTOH, our 4 legged best friends are always so happy to see us and give us so much love, yet ask so little in return.
Peggy, perhaps your mom gets jealous of the attention your dogs get. Does your mom dislike the dogs? What to do? I would make sure mom doesn't mistreat the dogs. As for her jealous feelings, you can tell her she shouldn't feel that way, but I don't think it would help. Hopefully, she will get over that eventually.
She says she thinks their cute. I don't think she would harm them. She is jealous of the time I spend with them but I dont want to be with her 24/7. When I'm not taking care of her or cleaning the house or a host of other things - I want to get away and enjoy my furkids.
I have to laugh because I think we all so love our dogs, we are all so enamored of the selfless non-judgemental love they provide to us, and they are our comfort. I know my Mom was a "baby-talker" to the dogs and I have that, too. Other than babies there is nothing that gets so much love and fawning from me as an animal, especially a dog. Once my Uncle said to my Mom, who was likely the best Mom ever "You are nicer to your animals than your children" and she was devastated. But it was that baby talking affection thing. I am certain if you are dealing with your Mom as a caregiver you need the love of your sweet dogs more than ever you did, and you lavish affection on them. And hey, let's be real honest with them, there may be a few moments in some days when YEAH, you love the dog best (hee hee). But there you are. Just reassure her. Tell her the love you have isn't a limited thing--there's plenty for her. And remind her how WELL-BEHAVED your dogs are!
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Is Mom afraid to be alone when you walk the dogs?
My Mother because very clingy ie 'shadowing' when a health event left her very dependant on others. Frets when carer leaves her sight/the room. (Never admit to it)
Being on O2 must mean Mom is not very mobile? If she can be left alone but is fearful it may be time to consider a sitter a few times a week? That way you could go out for longer periods (with more peace).
It won't be good for you (or the dogs!) to become housebound too.
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You could try to work on “she doesn't like for people to see her on oxygen”. That’s the deal if you are to go out. And she must have some income, and ought to pay or contribute for “the price of gas”.
Could you start working on a ‘friend’ to visit for an afternoon a week, while you get some time for yourself? People do better when it’s ‘your friend’ to start with, then becomes the sitter when mother is used to her. You can say that she ‘enjoys your company, Mom, it’s a change for her’. If she is paying her household contribution, you may be able to put it up to cover the cost.
Has your mother declined a lot in the past 4 years?
Yes, mother has declined. She is now on oxygen 24/7, can barely walk, and has a host of physical ailments. She doesn't like to get out of the house because of the pain and she doesn't like for people to see her on oxygen. I had been taking her for short, site seeing rides but now with the price of gas that has almost come to a halt.
Thank you so much for asking.
I have told her something to that effect. She believes I should spend all my time with her because she's lonely and I should entertain her. But when I have a chance to get away from her I do. So if I'm with my fur kids and not taking care of her or just sitting with her she's heaping on the guilt. It's exhausting.
Waffles thinks he's everyone's friend a video on Youtube comes to mind.
It already has over 3 Million views.
Peggy, perhaps your mom gets jealous of the attention your dogs get. Does your mom dislike the dogs? What to do? I would make sure mom doesn't mistreat the dogs. As for her jealous feelings, you can tell her she shouldn't feel that way, but I don't think it would help. Hopefully, she will get over that eventually.
Once my Uncle said to my Mom, who was likely the best Mom ever "You are nicer to your animals than your children" and she was devastated. But it was that baby talking affection thing.
I am certain if you are dealing with your Mom as a caregiver you need the love of your sweet dogs more than ever you did, and you lavish affection on them. And hey, let's be real honest with them, there may be a few moments in some days when YEAH, you love the dog best (hee hee). But there you are.
Just reassure her. Tell her the love you have isn't a limited thing--there's plenty for her. And remind her how WELL-BEHAVED your dogs are!