How do I manage the guilt of not visiting mom everyday in the nursing home?

Does your Mom fully know the passing of days and who visited on what day? You say she has dementia, so I just wonder.
I think honestly that visiting our parents every day whether they are demented or not is not a requirement of ours.
You use the word guilt, which assumes you are an evil doer getting joy from bad actions. Try to interchange the other g-word which is grief. Grief that you cannot be there for every single person, Mom, Dad, Hubby, Son, Daughter, Friend every second of the day they might need or want you. Accept and embrace your human limitations and accept and embrace the right to a good life that your Mom would surely want for you. If you fully understand this last paragraph and you agree with it, but cannot get your arms around it in embrace then consider seeing a therapist for help. Licensed Social Workers in private practice as therapists are often the best at life transitions work.
I sure wish you good luck and JOY in a good life with your family, and I wish you the realization that you DESERVE this. My heart goes out to you.

You visit her daily to make yourself feel better, the question is why? Guilt is tricky and it is self-imposed and driven by fear, dig deep and identify what you are afraid of.

Neglecting your family is not the answer, they need you, your grandchildren have their entire life ahead of them, your mother's has been lived.

Back off on the visits, maybe to once a week, do some positive self-talk, "It's ok to not go to the nursing home daily, I am entitled to live my life with my family".

This is your one chance, there is no rerun, live your life for you, enjoy your husband, grandchildren bonding time, there is no catch up, you blink and they are all grown and on their own, and you mother, well most likely she will be gone as well. At that point you will most likely feel guilt over that as well, keep in mind guilt is a self-imposed emotion and serves no usefull purpose.

Good luck!

Try to focus on the things you have going on in your life. It's okay to not go to the nursing home every single day.

Maybe go out every couple of weeks.

I have this same guilt currently about my dad. Just went into nursing home a month ago. We are going out of town for a week for a much needed vacation with my husband and teen daughter, and I have people lined up to visit daily, yet I am still wracked with guilt. I don't know how to get beyond it yet either. Just letting you know I understand and empathize completely. You're doing a great job and know you are allowed to have time for yourself and your own family, I try to keep telling myself that as well. Maybe others have some good advice.

How much did you and your parents see each other once you became an adult and left their home? I know there are some families who do talk and even visit every day, but unless you are from one of those I can't see why you you would feel the need to go to the nursing home so often.

I have the same situation with my mother albeit I still have my own teenagers living at home. I tried to visit every day and realized I wad neglecting my kids, husband and myself.

I worked through it by realizing that the greatest thing I could leave was a legacy and in order to do that, I needed to start devoting myself to my kids. This didn't diminish my love for my mother, in fact, the greatest thing my parents ever gave me was the recognition that the greatest joy in life is to inspire others.

I don't feel guilty if I don't visit every day because I know the great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it, which is my kids.

My recommendation, spend time with your grandkids, walk your dog and enjoy your relationships because you only live once.

I visited my grandma's, yes, two of them, weekly. One was always happy to see me and the other one didn't know if anyone was there or not but, I knew that they would have scolded me for taking away time from other loved ones to be with them. They had good life balance and always prioritized their husbands, their homes and their responsibilities and then their children and grandchildren got visits, its how it's suppose to be.

I am sure your mom would agree.

Just decide what days & times you will go see mom and which days you won't. If you plan ahead, then there is no need to feel guilty when you take time off and don't go visit. Your mom's life is no more important than your own, so why treat it that way? You deserve time off too, so take it and enjoy it. Guilt is a self imposed penalty suggesting you did something bad. vs. shame which suggests you ARE something bad. Don't fall into the trap of guilt, especially since mom has dementia and won't remember if you visited or if you didn't!

When my mom lived in Memory Care, I'd go visit her once a week. As she began her decline towards death, I'd go more frequently until the final week of her life, when I went to see her daily. I have no regrets, and would do it the same way again if I had the opportunity. When I did visit her, it would tear me up, honestly. It took me a day or two to recover from the ordeal, so I needed that time in between visits to regroup. It's very hard to witness our mothers in such bad with dementia ravaging them; I know.

Mom had a good life in Memory Care, it was the dementia that robbed her of joy, especially towards the end. The joy was replaced with anxiety and a desire to be with her departed siblings, who she was eventually reunited with.

Be gentle with yourself. Dementia is a family disease that affects ALL of us, not just your mom. Set a schedule to visit her, and then allow yourself to enjoy the time off when you don't visit.

Good luck.