Good insights have been given to you. I'm so sorry for the sadness this is causing. I will only add that If you know your mom is driving while impaired and you can't stop her, call 911 the minute she gets in her car and starts it. Maybe a good DUI and court-ordered rehad will at least slow her down (and protect others on the road).
Dear Jay, this comes under the ‘mean but realistic’ category. If your mother is an unreformed alcoholic and her behavior is going to kill her, let her go ahead. You can’t change her. That’s what she wants. You will be better off without her. An aging alcoholic (or reformed and resentful) mother for years and years is no blessing to either of you.
Sadly, unless your mom has been dxed with something specific-as in dementia, you really can't DO anything.
She has the right to eat or not, drink or not, etc. You obviously don't agree (and realistically, she must be eating more than 1 mouthful of food per week!) She is slowly killing herself.
She will wind up being successful at that, or in the ER with liver failure.
I think we all need to see more information in order to make a real call here.
Does mom live alone? has she been diagnosed with any medical conditions?
If mom is cognizant she can live how she wants, eat or not eat what she wants and drink or not as she wishes.
If, I should say when mom falls and is taken to the hospital you can tell the staff that she does not have a caregiver at home, she is unsafe to be alone and to discharge her to her home would be unsafe. If mom is evaluated and found incompetent you could become her Guardian at that point you can make some decisions that might ensure that she is safe. But if she is placed in rehab or a memory care facility they can offer food and fluids but they can not force her to eat or drink.
If your mom is an alcoholic there might not be much you can do to stop her. If she is cognizant she has to WANT to stop drinking. If she has dementia you can make sure she does not have access to alcohol.
You might want to provide more info for better responses.
When mom gets very sick from lack of food/nutrition and drinking only booze and gets rushed to the hospital for liver failure or serious pain, then the doctors will discuss options with her. Until then, according to your profile, mom lives alone (sounds like to me anyway) and is entitled to kill herself with this behavior and there isn't a darn thing you or anyone else can do about it. You can't force a person to change their bad habits; it's like trying to make a smoker quit smoking b/c they're 'killing themselves' with cigarettes. Yeah, not gonna happen.
Even if you DO live together, you and mom, what can YOU do to 'make' her stop drinking and start eating better? If she's driving, she can buy her own food and drink. If you throw out her stash, she'll buy more. If she's not driving, she can call the liquor store and order her own supply to be delivered. See where I'm going with this? She's got to be the one who wants to change, that's the only way permanent change will happen and be long lasting.
Maybe ask mom out to dinner a couple of times a week and buy her a good meal so you know she's eating at least then.
Hi Jay, Welcome to the Forum. Your profile says that you are a retired NYC Fireman now caring for your Mom. We need lots more information from you in order to help with your issue. Do you live with your Mom in her home, or does she now live with you? At 70 your Mom is quite young in this day and age; can you tell us what underlying issues medical or otherwise led to your being Mom's caregiver? What does Mom weigh? Does you Mom see a trusted doctor and are you her POA? Is Mom an alcoholic? Have you sought out Al-Anon (and if there is alcoholism it is an excellent place to start for support and for information). I hope you can tell us more so we can supply you with some ideas. Best to you.
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She has the right to eat or not, drink or not, etc. You obviously don't agree (and realistically, she must be eating more than 1 mouthful of food per week!) She is slowly killing herself.
She will wind up being successful at that, or in the ER with liver failure.
I think we all need to see more information in order to make a real call here.
BTW, 70 is NOT old.
has she been diagnosed with any medical conditions?
If mom is cognizant she can live how she wants, eat or not eat what she wants and drink or not as she wishes.
If, I should say when mom falls and is taken to the hospital you can tell the staff that she does not have a caregiver at home, she is unsafe to be alone and to discharge her to her home would be unsafe.
If mom is evaluated and found incompetent you could become her Guardian at that point you can make some decisions that might ensure that she is safe.
But if she is placed in rehab or a memory care facility they can offer food and fluids but they can not force her to eat or drink.
If your mom is an alcoholic there might not be much you can do to stop her.
If she is cognizant she has to WANT to stop drinking. If she has dementia you can make sure she does not have access to alcohol.
You might want to provide more info for better responses.
Even if you DO live together, you and mom, what can YOU do to 'make' her stop drinking and start eating better? If she's driving, she can buy her own food and drink. If you throw out her stash, she'll buy more. If she's not driving, she can call the liquor store and order her own supply to be delivered. See where I'm going with this? She's got to be the one who wants to change, that's the only way permanent change will happen and be long lasting.
Maybe ask mom out to dinner a couple of times a week and buy her a good meal so you know she's eating at least then.
Good luck!
Welcome to the Forum.
Your profile says that you are a retired NYC Fireman now caring for your Mom.
We need lots more information from you in order to help with your issue.
Do you live with your Mom in her home, or does she now live with you?
At 70 your Mom is quite young in this day and age; can you tell us what underlying issues medical or otherwise led to your being Mom's caregiver?
What does Mom weigh?
Does you Mom see a trusted doctor and are you her POA?
Is Mom an alcoholic?
Have you sought out Al-Anon (and if there is alcoholism it is an excellent place to start for support and for information).
I hope you can tell us more so we can supply you with some ideas.
Best to you.