Running out of money and will need to relocate my mom. Any advice?

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BettyCrocker Asked July 2022

Running out of money and will need to relocate my mom. Any advice?

Has anyone had experience keeping a parent in their home for as long as possible, then having to sell her home to provide money to care for her?

My mom had a stroke 2 years ago. When she came home from the hospital, I hired a full-time, live-in caregiver for her. Mom lives in CA in her home. My family and I live in TX. My plan was to keep her living comfortably in her home for as long as possible.

In about a year, I will have drawn down her savings and will need to sell her home. I've been looking at memory care facilities, but worry about the day I have to tell her she will need to move.

My mom has stroke-related dementia and gets very emotional when she hears news that makes her sad. This is the hard part for me. She cries and cries, even when I make a small change to a visit timeline, for example.

Has anyone on this forum had to move a family member to pay for care? Does anyone have advice?

Family Caregiver Financial Planning Memory Care Paying for Care

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score 0 · Answer 1

I had a VERY tough time dealing with my LO’s tears, in spite of the fact that dealing with mood swings and overt emotional reactions was an important part of my professional training.

I do better when I remind myself that I’m really suffering from her discomfort more than she is, and also that I’m doing EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to do everything I can on her behalf to make her safe and comfortable.

Selling my mother’s house was the saddest thing I ever had to be responsible for, but her 5 1/2 years in a beautiful local residence were wonderful for her.

Be at peace that you are doing what must be done because of your love for her.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Mine was kinda easy because I was able to say to my Daddy after released from the hospital - "This is a rehab place as soon as you can do A,B,C, then the doctor can release you to come home." He soon forgot about the coming home. I was able to visit him daily and the place was great It cost $4500. a month. That was two years ago. I don't know what it would cost in TX but at least you would be able to visit and that may make the difference with the fear of change.

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score 2 · Answer 3

After a stroke and a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia, we got profoundly wonderful advice from a series of geriatric psychiatrists who found a cocktail of meds (antidepressant and antianxiety meds) that kept her emotional liability in check and made her less apt to go off the rails when the unexpected happened.

Perhaps a geripsych consult would be something to consider.

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Thanks for your helpful reply! My mom is taking olanzapine, and actually has a great elder psychiatrist. The olanzapine helps her with Sundowners in the evening. Without is, she is extremely anxious.

Your comment gave me the idea that maybe I should get in touch with her elder psychiatrist. He's been very helpful so far and might have some ideas.

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Running out of money and will need to relocate my mom. Any advice?

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