If someone cannot stand well enough to have their anus washed, how should I do it?

My suggestion, use a commode in the shower and a hand held shower head. Soap him up really well and then rinse with the shower head.

When toileting, clean as well as you can with toilet paper then use wipes. I buy Huggies. They are thick and bigger than reg wipes. Also, if he has a problem standing, use a commode over the toilet. A new one comes with a bucket and splatter shield. You will use the shield. Remove the back piece and put the commode over the toilet bowl. Make sure the shield is down passed the rim of the toilet. You can remove the toilet seat because the commode has one. The legs can be adjusted. Now he has arms that will help with getting him up.

P. S. Read your other post and u will not be working for this client. Good ideas for another time.😊

If you do not feel safe [dong anything as a caregiver], DO NOT DO IT.

The first priority is both your and his safety.
Tell the wife she'll need to do this personal hygiene need or hire a nurse / someone experienced and trained in this area. You DO NOT want to get yourself in a situation where you and/or client might be injured. Do not be intimidated by the wife. This is her responsibility. If wife responds to you re grab bars, tell her his safety is a priority and she needs to be responsible for his welfare and well-being. (In other words, she can use the grab bars if she feels it is safe to do so). Gena

caitmccait
20 min ago
I took care of my dad with Alzheimer's who is incontinent. I just don't have strength in my back to help someone who cannot stand.
Though you are right, I should not take care of him, your delivery leaves much to be desired.
I called and told them I can no longer take care of that client.

Have you asked them to provide the products you need - disposable wipes, gloves, basins and cleansers? If they refuse then use water and washcloths (my mom's NH did not use disposables for cleaning, they used colour coded washcloths). Try washing him while he is sitting on the toilet/commode, or change his incontinence product while he lies in bed - there are some great CNA skills videos on YouTube.