Trancelike state, catatonic with depression. Any advice?

A woman told me this week she was thinking of stopping her dialysis treatment. Was just so tired. She said she had "had a good life".

I did not attempt to cheer her or doing anything but nod that I heard her.

She wanted to speak to her family, which I did encourage.

I have no idea if they will take the route of thanking her for being their Mother & accepting her decision or plead with her to continue treatment.

Caring, your Mother may not have an immediate terminal health issue like that but may have lost hope in her future in a similar way.

I suppose I would focus on today. On right now. Just hold her hand.

It is normal and logical, if you really think about it. If, for example, an elderly person hurts, has a debilitating disease, and knows their mind is going, it makes sense that they’re tired of struggling. They know they can’t get better. They realize everyone has to die of something and that if they die, it’s a relief not to have to endure the pain, the indignity, and the forced cheer that their loved ones foist upon them. They just want to stop pretending everything will get better and they want to quit. We should respect that, I believe.

Thank you!

I'm really at the edge of my understanding here, but perhaps ask Dr. if there are alternatives to Xanax to try? That's a really powerful drug, with some side effects.

Alva, excellent analysis and insight, especially how we older folks are now seguing into situations such as those in which we cared for others.

It is common in elderly PERIOD, with and without depression, and my Dad who had loved life, was well OVER IT, in his 90s and able to speak rationally about it. He loved his life still, but was exhausted with attempting to participate. At 80 I begin to see the benefits of the "long sleep" myself. It gets more and more difficult to get around, and systems fail or go wonky one at a time.
I would say to listen to your Mom. Don't negate her feelings by pretending that doing a puzzle or two is going to make her wish to live forever. Patients often told me families would not listen to them when they said they wanted to go to their final rest, so they told their nurses. Family would come along with all this negating of their feelings, false cheeriness, and ideas on how they should proceed. Allow your Mom the dignity of what she feels. She may WELL be ready to go, indeed WISH to go.
That said, the medications may be causing some of the catatonia. It is not well understood. I took care of a woman who has been catatonic for years once on our cardiac floor. Sat staring out from her chair without expression or communication. One day I couldn't open the window (was when they still opened in hospitals) and I called my friend. It was so stuck and such thick glass that she turned and gave it a kick. At that point the window cracked in a million pieces. We stood there with our mouths open and the catatonic woman said "Don't say I did it! I didn't do it, and don't you dare say I did!".
I would speak with your Mom's doctor. He or she is the one who knows her best. What works in medication is never an exact science, and what works at one time doesn't keep working at times. I wish you the best.