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VetCareGiver Asked August 2022

Taking care of both parents in your home. Any advice?

Hi. I wanted to know if someone can point me in the right direction. My father has lived with me for 15 years. He is a Vietnam Veteran with many health ailments due to Agent Orange exposure. He has Parkinson’s, CHF, Diabetes, Diabetic Neuropathy. My mom also lives with me and needs assistance with bathing, meal prep, etc. We never drew up a formal contract between us, as I’ve always felt strongly about taking care of my parents. I gave up my career to take care of my dad. My dad always contributed a portion to household expenses, groceries, food, etc. Basically, helping since I was no longer earning due to taking care of him. My husband and adult children are also taking part in the caregiving. My father recently had a medical episode which they cannot find what caused it. But he is experiencing some memory impairment. I am both of my parents DPOA for medical, and financial. They both receive around the clock care. How do we draw up a contract with both showing what they contribute to their share of household expenses, shelter, utilities, groceries, transportation, and caregiving? What would be a reasonable amount for this? Sorry I’m trying to cover my bases. My dad is 100% Service connected and has a work pension, and social security. My mom has social security. In case the VA wants to put a fiduciary in place.

PeggySue2020 Aug 2022
Assuming a minimum wage hourly rate, it would be that rate times 168 hours week times 52 weeks in the year. Plus the requisite overtime.

Most states have an in home support services contract that you could apply for, but that’s only if the parents are both Medicaid eligible. Even if you get the award, it’s like 200 per person per month even here in California.

So, yeah, unless your parents have about 100000 each to kick in, you won’t be getting paid fair market value.

Start with dividing the costs of living in the home by the number of adults. They should be paying that proportional share. Add in the cost of gas and parking for doctors appointments, plus anything that’s just for them such as cell phones, and depends and toiletries you pick up from the store. If there’s anything left over from their check, they can put it away for when you go on vacation and they go into respite care or get an aide.

ainorlando Aug 2022
Removed comment after properly reading reply.

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Grandma1954 Aug 2022
First...I hope that your dad is getting the benefits that he rightly deserves through the VA.
I hope you are getting paid to care for him. And the VA has programs that will help make changes to your house to keep it accessible for him.
If they are both cognizant when talking to a lawyer or signing any legal papers you can have an agreement written up.
The fair way to share expenses would be to divide all expenses by the number of people living in the house.
If for example there is
You, your husband and your mom and dad that would be 4 total so you divide all expenses by 4 and combined they would then contribute 1/2 of the of the expenses.
VetCareGiver Aug 2022
Thank You for your reply. I do not get Aid and Attendance pay thru the VA. He does receive his compensation from the VA. How would one figure out how much hourly for things that needs to happen. Obviously they don’t get care 40 hours per week times 2 with both of them. I care for them both 24/7. If we want to go on vacation they go on vacation to if that makes sense. I prepare all the meals, take them to all of their appointments. Arrange for my husband or adult children to come and be with the parent that’s at home, while I’m taking the other parent to their appointment. I seen a sample contract here on this site I was going to look into.

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