After 3 long hospital stints due to liver cancer, we had to move her into a nursing home. She hates the NH and we're trying to get her in one that's closer to family, but struggling with getting Medicaid. She just got sent to the hospital again 2 days ago with kidney failure. Immunotherapy may no longer be on table (she's had one treatment so far) and it might be down to hospice. She keeps crying she wants to go home but she needs 24/7 care and help with everything. It breaks my heart and I feel so guilty. I never know what to say or how to comfort her, other than saying the nurses and doctors are trying to help her.
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I would state firmly and calmly to mom "this is where the doctor says you will get the care you need right now" and ask the medical team to prescribe some meds to take the edge off her anxiety.
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Hospice: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/hospice-care/art-20048050
https://deathwithdignity.org
We all need to make our own end-of-life choices (the ones available to us, not those that fall in the category of wishes). See what the Psychiatrist can offer in assistance.
I think hospice is your best bet now b/c they can give her anti anxiety meds and pain meds as needed to keep her calm and out of pain completely. You feeling 'guilty' is not warranted; you've done nothing to cause this situation, nor can you do anything to 'fix' it. The matter is in God's hands now, in reality, so all you can do is be there to let mom know you love her. I think feeling grief is a better way to describe what you're feeling that 'guilt', as our dear AlvaDeer always likes to say, and she's right about that. Don't confuse the two G words.
I'm so sorry that both you and your mom are going through such a difficult time. I pray that her pain is eased and that she's comforted by both your presence and hospice's ministrations now. Wishing you all the best.
I had to do this with my own Mom [she had dementia and was 98 years old]. She wanted to visit her parents, I told her they were visiting the old country, and she was ok with that.