My brother has been a pain for the last year or so and he wanted nothing to do with being POA, now he claims I bully mom and her care facility because I found out she had COVID-19 and ordered them to hospitalize her. She has AFib and I felt the need for her to have more attention than they could give. Good thing as they found pulmonary embolisms. Now, brother is fighting for POA. I feel something is a foot as he's been interested in her financial matters for over a year but clearly stated that he could lose everything he worked so hard for. I am suspicious,is this some kind of take over after caring for moms needs for the last 8 years?
He claims he will hire a lawyer to remove my POA ability.
Something stinks!
Thanks
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I would ask about who this "caseworker" is. As POA you have a right to know. Medicaid caseworkers don't get involved with care once Medicaid is OK'd. You hear from them when its time to renew Medicaid. There are SWs at the facility and Hospice may have one. I would make sure this person know you. If Mom has Dementia the SW should be talking to you. If not, Mom can give permission for you to be in the loop.
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Hopefully you've been keeping accurate financial records while managing your mom's affairs since he doesn't seem to have any other angle to come at you except financial abuse. If he hires a lawyer this means he wants to fight for guardianship of your mom. The price tag ($10K-ish) may scare him away, as he will have to pay whether he wins or loses.
What's likely happening is that your Mom is giving him one version of a story about what she perceives is going on. Your brother, who probably is not that informed about dementia, doesn't realize that her fabrications and confusing of facts is part of her dementia. He believes her because she is his Mom.
As her PoA, you are legally not obligated to share any information with him, but fyi: the more secretive you are the more suspicious he is. It's a circular problem. You can ask your brother what your Mom is telling him and then attempt to correct it to the accurate version. "Bullying" is in the eye of the beholder: it's often an opinion, so not sure you'll be able to convince him that what you're doing is appropriate. Family in-fighting never looks good to a custody judge, so just a heads up that if it ever makes it into court, the judge may decide to appoint a 3rd party guardian who is not family.
If I were in your shoes, if at all possible and realistic, have some transparency about your mom's care with him, or just ask for some of his input about a decision in advance. This may help, may not but having been in a blended family situation and trying to care for a MIL and a SFIL, there were 5 siblings in the mix and transparency went a long way to assure people -- however in my case the in-laws were 100% broke and were upside down on their mortgage so there was no inheritance for anyone to anticipate.
Nonetheless, peace is in your Mother's best interests and that's the responsibility of the PoA. I wish you all the best as you navigate this situation.