Alone for 20 to 30 minutes while she went to pick up food for my mom. Granted, my mom told her to go, however, my mom is bedbound in a diaper and cannot stop anyone from doing anything. The caretaker said what was I supposed to do? And I said, I signed her up for DoorDash left credit cards for everyone in the restaurant that you just ordered from and left my mom alone after our agreement that that was the biggest safety concern and the reason why Is m hiring you and paying you so much money, was on the list and could’ve delivered in 30 minutes. She has done other things that I do not trust. My mother finally trusting her and I don’t want to do anything that my mom is uncomfortable with. This caretaker is leaving for a month to go back to the Philippines in December. Should I just wait and replace her that time? Or if I don’t trust her from some of these little and big things do I give her two weeks and find someone new?
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I am hoping that you do not mean that you have only 1 person caring for your bed bound mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, ad infinitum, with no other support in place. If that IS what you are doing, I suggest strongly you hire several care givers, because no single person can keep that up for any serious length of time. Even if the caregiver *agrees* to such an arrangement exhaustion will set in quickly and it will be much more dangerous than your mom being left alone for 20-30 minutes.
If she still has that mental capacity she can be left alone for short periods of time.
My last caregiver position was as the first-shift for a an elderly bedbound woman who had 24-hour care. When she's be napping which was often that is when I would go to the store because it was also my job to keep the place supplied. All of her products (diapers, wipes, creams, medications, pads, etc...), the groceries, the cleaning products. I also did all the housekeeping. I usually went out a few times a week so I'd never be gone more than a half hour or so.
Then nursing came on the scene (we were all privately hired). She didn't need it, but when there's an old person with money and top insurance, the sharks smell blood in the water and they show up. They carried on about the 20 minutes I was gone getting diapers. We needed diapers. Not in two days when the order they'd place would arrive but that day because she was in her last one. Nursing's answer was to just ler her crap and piss the bed until the diapers got delivered. Or go to the store on my off time. Not one was willing to go to the store for her or the pharmacy on their off time or work time. Not one of the several nurses and social workers was willing to do this, or to even wait there for 20 minutes while I went.
Caregivers who are alone in a situation have to make decisions. Like going to the store in a low-risk situation versus the client being out of diapers or meds or food. I always went to the store the hour before my shift ended. So even if I got killed in a car accident or struck by lightening, the 2nd shift worker is coming so the client is only ever alone for 20 - 30 minutes.
How long has she been with your mom?
Don't knit-pick the caregiver if your mother likes her and she keeps up on the work. If chastizing her about picking up the food is going to make your mother uncomfortable don't do it. You're not the one receiving care. Your mother is, and if that care is good leave it alone.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. I've been with many families who's answer to everything was replace the caregiver over and over again. They were never satisfied. You won't be either. Families often make the mistake in thinking that the one caregiver in the house is supposed to do the jobs of a full staff. That doesn't happen and you may just end up with a revolving door of caregivers which is a real headache.
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What were the other things you weren't happy with?
On the other hand, you are suggesting your mother is incompetent by saying she is 'bedbound and in a diaper and cannot stop anyone from doing anything.'
Which is it? Is she mentally competent to make decisions, or is she incompetent b/c she's physically unable to stop anyone from doing anything?
You would have us believe your mother is the equivalent of an adult baby lying in a bed wearing a big diaper, yet in the same breath have us believe she's in full possession of all of her faculties (based on other things you've said in previous posts).
Your mother gets to decide how this caregiver operates provided she has not been deemed incompetent due to dementia. She likes and trusts this caregiver and now you want to fire her b/c YOU don't trust her. Where's your mother's say in all these decisions you are making on her behalf?? You say you 'don't want to do anything that my mom is uncomfortable with' yet are planning to wait and 'replace her' while she's visiting family in the Philippines in December???
Again, when does your MOM get to have a say in all this? Isn't SHE the one paying the bills? And perfectly competent b/c she has all her faculties???
It's good that you want to help. It's not good that you are trying to micromanage the caregiver and override your mother's wishes. Respect your mother enough to speak with her about what SHE wants to do here. Don't go behind mom's back to fire a caregiver she likes and trusts b/c she sent her out to get food and you didn't agree with her decision to do that!!! As POAs, we only get to make these types of decisions on behalf of our mother's when they are deemed incompetent to do so themselves. Until that time, THEY get a BIG say in who cares for them, it's not all up to us!
In the meantime, it is a good idea to make your wishes known up front and honestly to this caregiver, once you run everything by mom first. This situation is all new to you, so you don't have all the rules down pat yourself. Give this woman some grace, that is my suggestion. And give your mother a say in who gets to care for her moving forward. Don't treat her like an incompetent child just b/c she's lying in a bed wearing a diaper. If she's able to call 911, she's capable of being left alone for short periods of time.
Hiring and firing a whole bunch of aides is a headache in and of itself. Nobody's perfect and nothing in life is perfect. Unless this CG has done something very untrustworthy you've seen with your own two eyes, I'd have a chat with her and give her another chance.
This is a tough situation for you being new to caregiving and hiring people. You love your mother & want the best for her. There is a fine line between wanting good care for her and suffocating her. I always try to think of things as if I were in the position myself, lying in bed after a stroke. Firstly, I'd want to be gotten up OUT of that bed and into a wheelchair every morning so I could use my legs & get the blood circulating by 'walking' in the w/c. I would not want to be treated like an invalid, and I'd want to have a big say in my own care and in my own life and rehab. What would you want for yourself, if you were in your mom's shoes? That's how to make decisions moving forward.
Good luck.
A caregiving situation like what you had for your parents is pretty much non-existent. It sounds ideal and you are probably the only family that ever did this. I never knew one in 25 years of service who ever hired that much help. The idea of a relief caregiver when needs arise is a great idea.
How did you pay her? What were her hours.
If the relief caregiver had to be there whenever she was needed, then that person was pretty much on-call 24/7. How could they work another job if they could be called at any time?
Fire her now and get someone else.
You do not owe her a notice and I would trust someone even less after I gave them notice and they had two weeks to stew over the firing.
If a basic tenant of the agreement that you entered into with this caregiver is that she would not ever leave the home; then you should let her go and tell her why.
Your mom may not like you for it; but she will trust someone else after a bit too.
Point of note: Even licensed agencies will fire on the spot. We had a caregiver hired through an agency for my MIL/FIL and when my MIL told us she gave April a check for 'school'; we immediately told the agency and they called her in and fired her on the spot. She was not allowed to accept a 'gift' from a patient and knew that and they didn't hesitate to fire her and replace her with someone else immediately.
Go through a reputable agency and you should have less problems.
when she was in a nursing home she was left for a lot longer with no one checking on her. This was true for most of the people there. I could not get them to even change her diaper. In fact it was their lack of care taking her to the bathroom that gave her the idea it’s ok to go in the diaper. I once waited 4 hours to get them to change the diaper after I asked them.
I agree, food can be delivered just as groceries are so that a caregiver does not have to use their car and their gas to run errands for your mom. I think there are just more issues with your arrangement. I did 24/7 care for my mother, but even if I was going to venture out to be an employee to care for someone else - there's no way I'd be tied to a house for 24/7 with no relief in sight. You might want to reconsider and hire 2 or 3 different people to do overlapping shifts. Also, be more realistic about your expectations of an employee.
Of course there may be more to this story: the lady needed a place to live and you needed help, etc.