My friend’s ICU patient husband came off ventilator, had dialysis and now her demanding husband wants her to take him home. What should she do?

Not take him home. He doesn’t get to decide, she does. I doubt that she’s equipped mentally, physically or emotionally for that job. She should tell him that and then make arrangements for him to be elsewhere.

Thank You so very much for your advice on this matter

Perhaps you could suggest being with her at the hospital for moral support when your friend tells the Discharge Planner that she cannot take care of him in his current state.

Is her H legally mentally competent? If so, then he could decide to discharge himself AMA (Against Medical Advice). At that point your friend needs to refuse to facilitate that in any way, perhaps including going so far as staying somewhere else (your home?).

I don't know the history of your friend's marriage; has she been bullied by and dominated by her H? Would she have a hard time refusing him? If so, then please find a way to be there for her so she doesn't cave in. Realize that if she were to cave in and take him home AMA, that the Discharge Planner would allow it. It would remove responsibility from the hospital and the DP.

He's probably tired, no pun, of the hospital.

She can ask his medical team their advice.

People WANT to come home. To be well. WISH they were normal again. This is normal.

But they may NEED to be in hospital or rehab for a while.

This is life. Sometimes what we what is not yet possible.

*Wants & Wishes* do not override Needs. They are emotions. Are valid & important. But not commandments to be obeyed.

"Yes dear, I want you to come home too. You will come home when you are able to".

She should speak to his doctors and follow their guidance. I cannot imagine they'd recommend releasing him to go home immediately after coming off of intubation in the ICU! Rehab would be in order, I would think, after he's released from the ICU to a regular floor in the hospital and stabilized there for a period of time. If it were me, I'd refuse to take my husband home without a stint in rehab to recover enough to where he could toilet himself alone and ambulate alone without help.