What to do with furniture and other chattels that my mother no longer needs in an Assisted living facility?

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OliverOOO96 Asked August 2022

What to do with furniture and other chattels that my mother no longer needs in an Assisted living facility?

My mother was renting an apt. and is now (since last week) in an assisted living facility. We moved all of the furniture she wanted and could fit (and anything else she desired) into her new unit.

My brother is the Executor and POA for health and is a Lawyer. We do not have a great relationship. Oh, and my mother has dementia.

He has told me, as his only sibling, that everything left has to be put in to storage until she passes. She is not close to passing yet.

I am 61 and while I have been willed her furniture, there are only a couple of pieces I want and could use now. My nieces are aged 19 through 25 and have no interest in her furniture.

I don't understand why I can not take the few pieces I could use now instead of waiting until she passes. He means everything, including pots, pants and everyday cutlery.

It bothers me that he taking this road and choosing to put everything in storage and have the Estate pay.

I am in Canada. Thoughts? Experience?

Elder Law Living Will Medical POA Will

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score 2 · Answer 1

I don’t suppose he’d let you “store” a few pieces and maybe a few boxes of photos, etc. at your place if you promise to return them to the estate on demand?

Otherwise, see if you can find out the storage place and unit number and how to know if it is going up for auction for nonpayment.

I could see her wanting her stuff stored for when she could “go home,” but unless money is no object, her POA or guardian needs to know better that to pay to store an apartment of stuff, when only a closet full is not easily replaced for less than the storage fees.

Helpful Answer (2)

I love- "store a few pieces..." Brilliant!

(1)

score 1 · Answer 2

Tell your lawyer brother to get over himself and his education. There isn't anyone to dispute the disbursement of Mom's furniture, and he's wasting Mom's money paying for storage fees, and that's money HE won't be getting either when she dies.

Who has POA for Mom's finances? That person IS able to sell her possessions for her benefit, i.e. paying for the nursing home. It's also irresponsible management of Mom's finances to pay hefty monthly storage fees for belongings she'll never use again. If your brother doesn't have POA for finances, he gets zero say in this.

Of course, being a lawyer, he's going to charge the estate for every second of his time as executor, but make sure he's not charging lawyer-level fees. Twenty-five bucks an hour is about the going rate, not what a lawyer charges.

Helpful Answer (1)

Thanks for your reply MJ-

He is the POA for finances and eventually, executor.
My mother is such a control freak that her Will states that nothing can be sold- only given to whom she states are to receive at the time of her passing. If no one wants some of her stuff now, who will want it in 5 years or more?
As I mentioned, her 4 Nieces aren't interested in her stuff, much of which is lovely, but not their style. My brother and wife are selling their house in the Fall to downsize since they are down two kids and the other two going to University-so no room to store.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Frankly, such matters should have been addressed at the writing of her Will.
If this, then this. Guess she wasn't expecting dementia at the time. Poor lawyer that didn't ask the right questions. My mother is an odd duck.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Thanks all and Jo Ann -yes my mother has dementia so nothing she puts in writing will hold now. My idiot lawyer brother is practicing- she isn't dead yet, so no one can have anything ahead of her passing. My Nieces aren't interested in what is left. Not their style.

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score 3 · Answer 5

Have your mom sign a letter stating you can have the furniture you want in front of a notary. Your brother is wasting her money on storage fees for stuff that is hardly worth anything. It would be better for him to find an online estate selling company to sell it and use the funds for mom’s care. There is no estate until someone dies and only if they have enough assets worth going to probate.

Helpful Answer (3)

Control freak mother states in her Will that none of her belongings can be sold. Additionally, what ever is left in the estate which my brother and I are beneficiaries of....she has set it up so when I die whatever I may have inherited and still have money wise, It must go back into the family. Unfrigging believable. Still wanting to control our lives from her eventual grave. I really think I will pass before she does.

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score 1 · Answer 6

LOL

He must not realize storage fees can quickly add up

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Agreed- he isn't a numbers guy.

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score 0 · Answer 7

She has already willed to you. Do what you want and do not tell her or tell her what you want and you will give to family or give to a family in need.

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The woman has not passed. Willing someone something does not mean you take it ahead of time. But if competent she can ask mom. Seems brother is in charge.

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score 3 · Answer 8

Not sure about this, but I have heard that when someone goes into a facility their belongings need to be stored. Not sure if that has anything to do with being or not being competent to make decisions concerning personal items. For me, Mom had no money and her personal items were worth nothing so I got rid of things over time. And I would not have paided storage fees for her stuff out of my pocket that I was not guaranteed back.

Executor does not come into the picture until after death. Your brother needs to hold Financial POA to handle Moms stuff now.
If your Mom is competent to make decisions the POA cannot override her. Ask her if you can have a couple of pieces now.

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My mother has been diagnosed with dementia and why in assisted living. Prior to her move she had a PSW for 10 hours a day. Bathing, cooking, dressing etc. So no point in asking.

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score 0 · Answer 9

When my mother was dying of cancer, I brought her to my home until I was compelled (for safety reasons) to place her. I put all of her belongings in storage and then offered any or all of it to relatives upon her death. Of course, cancer takes a patient rather quickly, so the storage was not long term. Perhaps you could chat with your brother and an Elder Law Attorney in a joint meeting to inquire about his plans for storage and distribution. If the only other relatives are teenagers, perhaps they could write notarized letters about their desires to obtain any of grandma's furnishings.

It might help to know what your brother's intentions are.

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What to do with furniture and other chattels that my mother no longer needs in an Assisted living facility?

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