It’s sad when no one goes to visit you in the nursing home. Can anyone relate?

Sadly, the visits trickle off even when they were nice people.

Happiness comes from WITHIN a person.

Some folk get plenty of visitors yet are still the grump "they never stay long" etc

Other share jokes with staff & stories with other residents & are happy in their day.

Looking at one's life is the Last Task: one can look back with regret or pride.

Such difficult and sad situations! I know from personal experience that it's not easy to forgive those who have treated me badly. YES it's tough to let go of our anger [ resentment and bitterness ] when we've 'been wronged' by others, especially family members. But I also believe that nobody is 100% terrible or toxic or unforgivable AND everyone deserves mercy. Life deals out different cards to all and most human beings struggle, doing the best they can.

I would attempt to redirect her by saying that you don’t know and can’t do anything about it, but she can always make friends where she is.

My MIL is one more bad fall away from being put in a NH.

And I think there may be 10 people who would visit her, I'm not one.

She was miserable and nasty all her adult life and sent me packing several years ago.

As sad as I would feel that she has brought this on herself ( the loneliness and isolation) SHE BROUGHT IT ON HERSELF by being nasty and cutting to everyone but her daughter and her kids. No inlaws, no neighbors, nobody.

The other day my DH said "I am thinking we don't need a funeral when mom dies. It seems like such a waste of time. She hates everybody and has outlived all her family (sibs and such).

I said "Your call. I'm not 'allowed' to go anyway.

No dementia. Just a nasty person. When there is all this love surrounding her that she shoves away with both hands.

I don’t think they realize they are to blame for their lack of visitors. My guess is they saw nothing wrong with their behavior even now. My grandmother drove people away with her nastiness but she insisted people did not visit because they don’t want you when you are old. Notice the excuse is something she couldn’t change.

Life in a NH can be depressing. We have no children, so if I ever need to be in a NH, I’d end my life. I don’t want to just exist; I want to live. If I cannot live, why bother with NH.

Just my opinion …

Maybe she was mistreated, but anyway, can't we all be forgiving and give her a visit?

Everyone, toxic or not, needs someone to look out for their care in a nursing home setting. Everyone needs an advocate. If the person is so toxic that no one can stand their company then the visits can be done from a safe distance, go see her from a distance, talk to the staff who cares for her, get an update, see if she has any needs or concerns, basically show that she has someone who’s looking in and cares. It makes a real difference in care and simply a basic human need. No one is getting back or getting even by not doing this, and it’s not a matter of obligation or guilt. I have a sibling who’s very hard to deal with for more than a few minutes, he’s been difficult his whole life. I limit my exposure for certain and take in little of his negativity and rudeness. If he were to enter a nursing home, I’d do what I described above, it’s what anyone in care needs

What a person accumulates during their existence has a way to catch up. Those who neglected those around, acted mean spirited and promoted dissension can expect very little from others, including blood relatives. It’s nice to be important, but is more important to be nice.