How do you deal with siblings that want all the control but none of the responsibility or work and make false reports to APS?

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Auntcoco07 Asked August 2022

How do you deal with siblings that want all the control but none of the responsibility or work and make false reports to APS?

My siblings have taken no part in caring for my mom for 15 years, they live minutes away and do not even visit. Asking one of them to help out for even an hour turns into a huge argument with all of them over my inability to handle caring for my mom. They start arranging for hospice services and making decisions without any consideration for myself and my household. If I do not comply they get lawyers to send threatening letters, or make allegations of abuse and neglect, with Adult Protective Services. I have never abused my mother, and certainly do not neglect her. They believe they know what is in her best interest, but spend no time with her.

Elder Law Family Caregiver Relationships

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score 0 · Answer 1

Sadly this is a common occurrence in families. As far as APS is concerned, you know you are not abusing your parents so just let that process run its course. They will most likely quickly close the case stating that any allegations of abuse are unfounded. The calmer you are the better off you will be. If you are able to get a DPA as someone already suggested, do it asap. Take care of yourself. Don't retaliate or fight with your siblings. Meditate, exercise, eat healthy and don't indulge in substances.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Have APS HELP you when they visit. Throw yourself on their mercy. Ask for their assistance in seeking guardianship if your parent is incompetent, or help in having Mom make you the POA. Then basically ignore the siblings and continue in your caregiving.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Have your mother appoint YOU with all power of attorney. If you don't have POA and your siblings do, I would seriously consider moving out. Let them be responsible for her. Once you have power of attorney, you are in control, and the heck with your siblings. You have the right to stand up for yourself. Is there more to the story that I'm missing?

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How do you deal with siblings that want all the control but none of the responsibility or work and make false reports to APS?

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