Hello. My mother, 72, has dementia and moved into a new ALF in July. The former ALF was smaller, not as nice but definitely was able to keep a closer eye on her. We moved her to the new ALF (I’ll spare the reasons why) which is definitely bigger and much nicer looking, but I fear because of the increase in residents they aren’t able to have as close attention.
Mom likes to throw things away. We’ve bought her multiple sheets, towels, shower curtains, etc. She says “one of the girls” who works there stole them.
A month ago, she went as far as to throw out her bed frame! I had a meeting with the head of resident services and it appears she took it apart and threw in garbage. At the time, we just moved in so I didn’t raise hell but wouldn’t it be concerning to them seeing their resident sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the floor?
This weekend, I went to visit and see she’s sleeping with no blanket - just her sheet. And, it looks like she’s had a company come and take her dresser away!
Here is my question - at what point can we hold the facility accountable? How could they allow a junk company sign in and take furniture away from resident with dementia?? Don’t they see her without blankets??
We are paying over $5K a month for this place - never mind buying groceries as well since she all of a sudden doesn’t like meat and won’t eat lunch or dinner in the dining hall - what can I reasonably expect here?
Thanks for welcoming my vent.
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As for food, they all complain about the food, it is their hobby. My step-mother was in assisted living said she didn't like the food, and yes she kept returning everything to the kitchen, yet she gained 10 #'s and took all her remains from the dining room and put it in her freezer & refrig "as she hated to waste food", well it all sat there and we had to keep tossing it. She has over 100 sealed butters, jelly and so on, all went to waste as the facility could not take it back once it left the dining room, although it was sealed.
She is now in MC, no refrigerator, no kitchen, yes, the food is much better in MC....although it is the same food. Ha!
This is a tricky disease, she is manipulating you, once in awhile when step-mother was in AL I would bring her a meal, never bought any groceries for her.
My one recommendation, don't believe everything they tell you.
Moves often cause a decline in dementia patients, that is probably what you are experiencing.
The facility isn't responsible for the kind of oversight you are looking for. She needs a smaller facility that offers memory care, her needs are beyond ALF.
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Is she eligible for Medicaid or do you not mind that you're paying for her care?
At 5,000 you have a "deal" in ALF. This is what my brother's room was three years ago. I would hope her diet needs could be discussed. I know for my brother it certainly could, help with menus and etc.
Know what to expect is one thing. Getting expectations fulfilled is another.
A person in ALF isn't usually considered incompetent. So they could call a junk company any time they wanted to. My brother certainly could. They can give things away any time they want to. The are not considered incompetent. When they are, Memory care would prevent such moves, but cost easily 2 to 3 times what is currently being paid you your loved one.
Go ahead and vent, because all this stuff is difficult and heartbreaking as well as very very costly. Wishing you the very best.
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