My mother is turning 87 and at a point where it's more than obvious something is wrong with her, She lose 10 pounds in a couple of months, her clothes don't fit! She urinates a lot more, she has bags of urine soaked pads in her home. She sometimes has short term memory loss, can't remember something told recently, constantly repeating the same things to me. She also for the first time in her life stopped wearing makeup and also stopped wearing any jewelry. Something she would always do. I think she can't find her jewlery, possibly her vision got so bad that she can't put makeup on, she hasn't had an eye exam in 2 years, won't go. She also cries sometimes, something she never did. I asked her to see a doctor and she yelled at me, right after that she made plans to go to her 94 year old brothers house for 1 week, He verbally abuses her, last time she stayed there he starved her for 1 week, claimed no one delivers to his house which is not true, my brother is driving her there, he won't listen to me and does what she wants... Last time she saw the doctor was this past march, everything seemed ok but she has changed since then
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Tell her to test at the doctor for a UTI, then she goes off to see her brother. Tell her that a UTI is easily treated with antibiotics, and she'll feel infinitely better during her visit.
If it isn't a UTI, so be it. She can decide what to do then, but at least that easily-fixed issue could be quickly ruled out.
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It's odd that your brother is willing to drive her back to your uncle's house after what happened last time, huh? UGH.
Maybe your mom has a UTI, based on her symptoms, which I very rarely say, b/c everyone here is constantly recommending an elder be tested for a UTI. But in this case, with 'urinating a lot more, bags of urine soaked pads in her home' memory loss, and the rest of it, it sounds like there COULD be a UTI going on which is easily cured with antibiotics. But if left untreated, could go into a kidney infection and wreak havoc. I realize you can't force mom to be tested for a UTI either, but just throwing that idea out there.
Best of luck.
It’s quite possible that something will go badly wrong on this next visit. Is it possible that your brother thinks it might be enough to get her into care? It’s also possible that your mother’s life is coming to an end. The best thing you can do at this point may be to start checking facility options for her if she can’t go back to her own home.
She is very clearly mentally ill, as is he. I don't think you can help her.