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JennnaC Asked September 2022

How do I not react to my senior mom yelling at me and throwing tantrums due to cognitive decline? I end up reacting and then punish myself.

CTTN55 Sep 2022
How old is your mother? (In your profile you state that you are 48.) Do you live with her in her home, or vice versa?

What do you do for her in terms of caregiving? If you don't live with her, how often do you see her?

Are you an only child?

Do you have POA/HCPOA?

Geaton777 Sep 2022
More info would be helpful:
- does your Mom have a diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment?
- does anyone live with her/she live with anyone?
- is anyone her PoA?

Good questions have been asked by others i.e. checking for a UTI which is very common in senior women, often has no other symptoms other than sudden change in behavior, deterioration in behavior, and has less to do with hygiene and more to do with physiological changes, like anatomy and pH. In this case see if you can get her to Urgent Care of the ER to be checked. Once there it may be possible to get her cognition evaluated.

In the long-term you will need to educate yourself on dementia, how it changes or LOs and how to better engage with them so that interactions are more peaceful and productive. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. Others can recommend books. The burden to amend behavior will be on you since dementia robs people of their ability to work from reason, logic and empathy, and she just won't be able to. I wish you success in improving the quality of your interactions with her.

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97yroldmom Sep 2022
Hi Jenna
If your moms behavior is new, she may have a UTI. UTIs can really increase dementia symptoms. Sometimes the person doesn’t have normal symptoms like frequency of urination or burning. Good idea to get it checked out as UTIs can be toxic.

againx100 Sep 2022
Welcome to the forum and the world of caregiving. Sorry your mom is yelling at you and having tantrums. Not fun. Is she diagnosed with dementia? If not, I'd work on getting an evaluation. If she refuses, OK, you can see by her behavior that she's having issues.

Does she live with you? If not, seriously cut back on the time you spend with her. Less opportunity to yell!

Do some reading on setting boundaries. And on grey rocking on how not to react and engage to their b.s.

Good luck.

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