What should I do with my father who seems to be declining cognitively and is running out of money?

Whether he wants or doesn’t want Medicaid, it will pay for his care when he becomes dependent upon it.

You MUST for his sake and more important FOR YOURS, to totally back out of his life financially.

He DOES have financial resources, as you’ve mentioned, and if you task yourself with helping him find what he should legitimately have access to, it will allow you BOTH to have the autonomy to establish a balance IF YOU WANT IT.

So no more using YOUR FUNDS for HIS mistakes and misunderstandings. He will make mistakes until his weaknesses, age related or not, are identified and revealed. Take this time to clarify your own feelings and decide where you stand in this.

Learn what you can about his circumstances from a distance safe for you.

You are a good daughter, even after years of being unappreciated as such. Don’t let your pity supplant your reason.

Where does your dad live? He doesn’t sound homeless though perhaps he is on the verge? The sooner you can get his status cleared up the better. He is loosing or has perhaps already lost the ability to advocate for himself.

He seems to be disabled yet has been able to support himself in the past. If workman’s comp paid for a surgery I would think he is in the system.

This article is about the billions of dollars available to U.S. seniors who are impoverished. It tells you who to call and the types of help available. There is also a video showing seniors around the country and how inflation is hitting them.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/09/health/missing-benefits-older-adults-khn-partner-wellness/index.html

Here is another article to check out with similar info.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/seniors-how-to-get-medicare-savings-snap-food-stamp-benefits-inflation/

If you helped him to cheat on taxes and social security by knowingly taking and holding his ‘under the table’ earnings, you might want to get some legal advice about your own potential liability. He may well have to explain it all eventually, and he hasn’t done you any favors by putting you in that position. It’s probably in your own interests to have as little to do with him as possible – in more ways than one.

OK, thank you for clarifying his work history. At this point I think you need to put your foot down and tell him he must go to social services and the nearest social security office. He must apply for SSI. He will qualify for that, and at least it will be around $850 a month of income for him. He also must get Medicaid, if he ends up in the hospital (and he will at some point) the SW there will get him signed up anyway, but he really should get it now. You tell him if he doesn't do those 2 things (You offer to bring him), you are not going to be there to help him any longer. You need to stop enabling him.

Everyone has given you good info but I think your best bet is call APS. Its hard enough getting info and filling out forms for a LO you know let alone a virtual stranger that you know nothing about. I would not even think about getting a POA.

As said, if your father is a US citizen and has held down a job for more than 10yrs, he has SS. He also has Medicare. Because he has never applied is his fault. If he never applied for SS he will get 135% now. If he had surgery 3 yrs ago, who paid for it?

Me, I would not get involved, it will be a headache dealing with him. Let APS take over. They will break thru all the red tape.

Stop replacing his stuff. He doesn't need to be on the computer nor does he need a cell phone.

You say dad is 73, worked at a job (he's a US citizen and had a fall at work 3 years ago)......and therefore, should have Social Security income coming in AND Medicare. Because you 'think' one thing may not be what's actually going on. Unless you have access to his personal banking and financial info, he may be lying to you about the health insurance and SS info, since you say he's a 'compulsive liar' in your post. Not knowing the status of his health, his finances, or his mental state prevents you from really helping the man.

If there is dementia at play, it's typical for a person to have good days & bad days. Days of lucidity and days of talking gibberish. To say, however, that "Microsoft got in" the laptop you bought him 2 months ago so he THREW IT OUT is indicative of a person who's not operating on all cylinders. And, please do not buy him a new laptop b/c unless he took a hammer to a 2 month old laptop, there was NO NEED to throw it out! Same goes for breaking a cell phone in half and then buying a new one, which is what? $1000? A definite sign of either dementia or mental illness of some kind taking place here.

I understand you wanting to help your father, but w/o having POA for him, and w/o knowing anything about him, his health, his finances, his medical OR personal background, what you'll wind up doing is financing his LIFE here! And that includes chronic 'broken' equipment that will need replacement due to temper fits, lack of patience and lack of understanding the basic operations of said equipment. Dad either lets you in on all of his secrets, or you call APS and ask for a wellness check to be done on the man so THEY can determine if he's fit to live alone or if he needs placement which they can find for him.

Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation.

Windy, it may be that the best way to help your father really is to refer him to the appropriate authorities. If you have no Power of Attorney, you cannot control what he does anyway, and he quite probably won’t be willing to accept your own ‘help’ if he doesn’t like what you suggest.

If the whole ‘age care’ thing is new to you, it’s a good idea to ‘educate’ yourself with the free resources on this site. Click on ‘Care Topics’ at the top of the screen, You get an alphabet. Click on A, then Assisted Living, N for Nursing Homes, D for Dementia – and anything else helpful. When you get a bit more idea of the options and the problems, it could be a good idea to come back with a more specific question. Best wishes, Margaret

Windy can you please elaborate a little bit more on his financial situation? How old is he? I don't understand how he has no SS or insurance. He should at least be on Medicaid if he is under 65, Medicare if he is 65 or older. You say he has not much money left, where did the money come from? Where did he work?

ElderSource is a national agency that helps seniors with a variety of things, from helping make the home handicap accessible to mental health services and helping with government programs. Maybe you could reach out to them for some professional guidance with his situation.

Here's a link to the ElderSource database where you can look up the agency nearest him that may be able to provide him some help and you some peace of mind: https://www.navigateresources.net/psa04/

Your profile says Dad has a Dementia, if so then the phone and laptop not working is because he can't remember how to use. Since you have never had a relationship with him and have done as little as you needed to, I would call APS and report him as vulnerable adult. Tell them he is ur bio father but never been in ur life. If u hear from him its because he wants something. You cannot support him and you will not care for him. You think he has Dementia and claims he us running out of money. He needs help that you cannot give him.

I think you should maintain the distance you have lifelong done. There is no reason to assume the care for a Father who hasn't been a father and who is a compulsive liar. Let the state assume care of your father as they would if he had never had any children.

Hi Windy
While you don’t have a legal or even moral responsibility to care for your father, he is your father so I can understand your wanting to help him out.
However, it might be time to take a very close look at whether what you are doing is the best use of any resources you want to provide him. Is he a US citizen? How old is he?
You might try the Area Agency on Aging in his county to see if they could guide you on any resources available for him after discussing his circumstances. A visit with an elder attorney might be helpful. Without more information it would be hard to know how to give you any helpful suggestions.