I had a Curmudgeon as a father. Loved him but he was a pain. Mom waited on him hand and foot.
I would not scream at him and probably would not speak nicely too him. I would raise my voice and be blunt and say "Dad I do what I do for a living. I have had no complaints until now. If you think you can do a better job of caring for Mom than I'll leave you to it. You can cook, bathe her, dress her, and help her toilet because...you feel u can do a much better job." Then walk out. Maybe first whisper to Mom that u really will not leave her alone.
Him being scared does not give him the right to be this way with the one person who is helping. He needs to be shown what it would be like without daughter there to help. Its also not fair to his wife to act this way. If this is new behaviour on his part, he needs a good checkup.
Barbara2022, your Dad is scared, the love of his life is slowly disappearing in front of him and he can't fix it. Everything is different, Dad wants everything back the way it was.
You may have to do what so many of us here had to do..... when there is a medical emergency, call 911, hospital stay, rehab stay, and then placement in a senior facility.
Is he trying to boss you around regarding how you are caring for your mom? Is he able to provide her care? Do they have any paid help?
If you're OK with providing care for her, find a way to nicely ask him to find something else to do while you're there. Or you find him something to do to get him out of your hair.
I go on a daily basis to help mom and he's usually there. He nitpicks about everything I do to help. I am a trained and experienced caregiver who has a long career helping others. He calls the food I cook gross. He doesn't like the way I drive in the driveway and limits where I'm able to park. Last night he was screaming at me that I was going to cause him to have a heart attack. I was in the kitchen getting mom supper and had asked him if he wanted some. I hollared back and now all I can think is elder abuse. I am at wits end with him. He doesn't want anyone else to help mom or be in the home. I can't stop going because she needs help. He is active and in good physical health but his mental state has me wondering if that's declining. I've been caring for mom since February of this year.
You don't give any details about what constitutes 'overbearing' and what your father is doing, exactly, that makes you want to leave and not return. Writing a title of a post with nothing else leaves us not enough info to leave YOU useful comments on.
What's going on in your situation? What's mom's illness? Are you living in the same house with your parents? What's dad's problem that makes him so overbearing?
Fill in all the blanks so we can leave you some helpful advice.
6 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I would not scream at him and probably would not speak nicely too him. I would raise my voice and be blunt and say "Dad I do what I do for a living. I have had no complaints until now. If you think you can do a better job of caring for Mom than I'll leave you to it. You can cook, bathe her, dress her, and help her toilet because...you feel u can do a much better job." Then walk out. Maybe first whisper to Mom that u really will not leave her alone.
Him being scared does not give him the right to be this way with the one person who is helping. He needs to be shown what it would be like without daughter there to help. Its also not fair to his wife to act this way. If this is new behaviour on his part, he needs a good checkup.
You may have to do what so many of us here had to do..... when there is a medical emergency, call 911, hospital stay, rehab stay, and then placement in a senior facility.
ADVERTISEMENT
Did your folks invite you to stay, move in & get involved in their day to day life?
If they need assistance, are their other solutions?
If you're OK with providing care for her, find a way to nicely ask him to find something else to do while you're there. Or you find him something to do to get him out of your hair.
I've been caring for mom since February of this year.
What's going on in your situation? What's mom's illness? Are you living in the same house with your parents? What's dad's problem that makes him so overbearing?
Fill in all the blanks so we can leave you some helpful advice.