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mamadrama Asked September 2022

My 85 year old mom started having trouble managing her money. She has twice forgotten to pay bills although she insists she did. Any advice?

Forgot to pay a bill; didn't understand that a "financial rewards card" was not found money (a "reward" from Bank of America), but a credit card she had to be responsible for. She has other unpaid cards she insists she hasn't used in years (they were never paid off and continue to pile up late fees and interest). Not sure what to do or how to handle. She insists on her independence, but clearly she is having some memory issues aside from the stumbling over words that's been going on since pandemic. ALSO: my 51-year-old sister lives home with her (undiagnosed mental issues/depression) and uses all of their money to go to work in a car service because she's terrified of getting on the subway. I am so concerned they are mounting huge debts. Aside from bailing them out (which I can't afford to do) any other advice?

cwillie Sep 2022
Set up online banking for her, as long as you know the passwords you can manage her accounts even if you don't have POA.

Fawnby Sep 2022
Suggest that you’d be glad to handle her checkbook for her. Explain that she’s not giving up her independence but getting some help. She may recognize that it’s become too much for her to handle. The best plan would be to have online access and auto bill pay. She may not know about that service or understand how it works. Even if she won’t let you manage her accounts, you could make sure her bills are paid automatically online, which would eliminate a lot of problems.

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funkygrandma59 Sep 2022
Does anyone have the durable POA for your mom? If so depending on whether it's a springing one(has to be declared incompetent by several doctors)or not(means that it's in effect the day it's signed)will depend on how you can proceed.
However without someone being her POA, there really isn't much you can do, unless you want to try contacting the credit cared companies and explain the situation to them. BUT whatever you do, do NOT under any circumstances agree to try and pay any of them off. That is not your responsibility.
Your mom may have to just file bankruptcy. And if no one is her POA, please get that taken care of ASAP. before she gets too far along in her memory loss, as then she will no longer legally be able to assign someone. And then you or someone else may have to file for guardianship with the courts, and that costs a lot more money than getting her POA's done.
I wish you well in getting this all figured out.

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