Mom is refusing to talk to me while hospitalized, what do I do next?

Tajann, how do you propose to "help" if your mother won't allow you to?

Scripture tells us to help widows (who in the era that the New Testament was written had no means of sustenance); in our day, there is a social support network consisting of universal health insurance for elders, Social Security and social workers in hospitals who are charged with preventing "unsafe discharges".

The truth is that if YOU step in, the safety net deems mom "taken care of" even though she is self-sabotaging, perhaps due to long term mental illness, lack of meds or infection. She needs MEDICAL and MENTAL Health care that is beyond your ability to provide.

I'm not telling you to step away to be mean; I'm telling you to step away because it's the ONLY way she will get the help she needs.

You go visit your inlaws. Mom doesn't want you involved. It is hard, but she has made her bed. Maybe she will come around when you detach.

Nothing. You step back and let the experts deal with the entire situation, which is your only choice.

You seem to want to be "done" with your mother and rescue her at the same time, despite the fact she won't speak to you or allow you access to her medical info.

You want to save someone who hasn't even granted you POA!

What sort of advice would you like that fits your narrative of being "done" with mother AND rescuing her at the same time? As far as I'm concerned, it's one or the other not both.


I vote for going away on your trip.

Bundle up all of mom's things in one place and have them ready for pick up when this current crisis is over. With a promise to yourself not to take the stuff back in when the next crisis hits. Unless you have the funds to put up a shed in your yard to house it all in between visits.

You've been given no rights here but want all the burdens that go along with having those rights. Until such time as your mother gets formally diagnosed with whatever mental illness is going on and flat out ASKS YOU for help and to assume POA for her, I'd step away and STAY AWAY. And stop worrying about judgment day and concentrate on living your best life today.

Good luck to you.

Tajann: You've been through this before with your mom:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/grandson-picked-up-mom-from-rehab-against-medical-advice-who-is-liable-472261.htm?orderby=recent&page=1�

Step away. Pack up her stuff. No one has POA, as of your last post, so no one can do anything.

If mom calls and rants, you say "I see. What are you going to do?"

I would not suggest, nor would I cajole. Look up Grey Rock.

I thought that you were "Officially Done" what happened there?

Don't do anything, back away for good, let the system take care of her. Let her go, this situation will never get better, time to set your boundaries and stick to them.

Time for you to move on.

She probably needs to be in a mental institution based on what you wrote. Assisted living would work until her next episode then it will be back to the hospital.

There is nothing you can do next because they are telling you mom is competent to make her own decisions. I dont think she is and neither do you but until she has a more serious breakdown this is the terrible situation you are left in. Knowing mom needs help but not being able to do anything to help her because mom has issued an almost 100% blackout on giving you access to her medical situation and talking to her doctors.

And whatever you do, don't move her into your home.

Tajann, yes Scripture tells us to care for the widows and orphans, that doesn't mean forsaking your own life to prop them up, it means the community as a whole and us personally doing what we can to ensure they have food, clothing, shelter and care. Right now, your mom is getting all of that from the hospital.

You say she's your mom, yes and Scripture tells us to honor our parents. That means respecting them. Your mom has choosen to exclude you from her care, honor that decision by stepping back and letting her deal with it.

I know the challenge you are facing and the difficulty you have with helping her and being excluded by her, you can only pray that The Lord touches her and that HE shows you the way in this situation.

I had my dads stuff in my garage and it was just there, I opened the mail that needed opening, did what I could with any actions needed and gave him the things I could not deal with, I was okay that almost all of his stuff was stored and I was his mailing address. I would have liked things to have been different but, they weren't and we were never going to have a scriptural family relationship, you do what you can and give it all to The Lord, HE will guide you.

ps: I am my own worst enemy with this. I give it to The Lord, take it back and make myself crazy for a while, give it to The Lord, take it back ad nauseam. Learning to trust that HE is in control and HIS timing is perfect will help you find peace within this storm. God Bless You!

You can't be "done" because you heart won't let you. But you can sit back and see what happens next. You Mom is using this as a manipulation. Whats going to happen is its going to backfire on her. Mom seems to need help. She may not fit the criteria for a NH but they will need to place her somewhere. Seens she has a mental illness that needs to be addressed. Sending her home with no support is not an answer. You are not the answer because she doesn't listen to you and does what she wants. They say she is competent...then she is competent and I would make sure this is in writing in her records. If u want to take some responsibility, make sure she is safe, warm and fed. Otherwise, just let her do what she is going to do. You cannot force her to do what you feel is goid and right for her.

Ask your God what you should do, I guess. You have no legal authority over your mother, so what do you think anyone here can offer you?

Either go on your trip and have a miserable time worrying about things you have no control over, or stay home and await the next crisis.

People are being blunt because there's really nothing anyone can offer you, especially in light of your history with your mom.

Hi Tajann,

You are a great daughter who cares about Mom. It is very kind of you to store her belongings.

Since she does not want to put you on POA at this point (probably due to some mental illness kicking in on her part) there is not much you can do or initiate.

I know it is tough but I'd go on your trip to your inlaws and try to have a good time.