My grandmother is now in her final hours and I don't want to leave her side. Any advice?

Getting angry because others need to rest and go home is really not your concern. If you want to stay you can. And many dying people hold on to die until everyone is gone. My father wanted to be alone at the end. We respected his wishes. do what you need to do and let others do what they want without anger.

Sparkle1230, my Dad waited until I left. Even though he was in a coma state, before I left I said "Dad, it is ok to go to be with Mom. I will be ok, you had taught me well. I know every tool in the toolbox and how to use it. Love you, Dad".

Dad and I [his daughter] were always joking with each other so that is why I added the tookbox remark. It was a couple hours later, Dad's caregiver called me to tell me had passed.

My situation was similar to that of FreqFlyer. I stayed with my father for what I felt was a good, reasonable time, just so we could spend some last moments together. He appeared to be in a Cheyne-Stokes breathing mode, and I knew that I shouldn't overstay because he was in his last moments.

When I arrived home, a hospice nurse called a few moments after I entered the house to tell me he had passed. The time was about 5 - 10 minutes longer than it normally takes me to get from his home to mine. I always used to make safe arrival calls after we went anywhere, or he called if I didn't call w/i 10 or so minutes. I often thought that he knew how long it would take me to get home, then passed on.

Both my grandfather and my dad were both similar - they waited until everyone had dispersed and then they passed peacefully. My grandmother stayed at the hospital for 31 days straight - would NOT leave - to the detriment of everyone around her because there were some days when he was in ICU and she didn't have a bed so she would sleep in waiting rooms and we couldn't leave HER alone so someone would have to stay with her in the waiting room 24/7 because she refused to leave. We had all said our goodbyes and gone home - it was just her with him in his room. She stepped out for a few minutes - and when she came back - he was gone.

With my dad - we all spent tons of time with him one day - he was in his hospital bed and mom had gone to bed. Everything was calm. He was alone but mom was close. He too went peacefully.

I can't tell you not to leave her side. But I can tell you that sometimes our loved ones hang on for us. They don't want us to see them go, so they hang on.

That being said, you know deep in your heart -you've already said it - that getting angry with your family for needing rest is unreasonable. And quite frankly maybe they have already found closure. My grandmother was obsessive about my grandfather - not leaving his side in case he missed her and wanted her there with him. She wanted all of us at the hospital even though only 2 or 3 of us could even be in the room at a time, and when he was in an ICU room there were even visiting hours and she wouldn't even leave the hospital when she couldn't be in the room, she would sit in a waiting room until visiting hours started again. He was there for over a month. It wasn't feasible for all of us to even be there all of the time. But in her grief and pain she couldn't wrap her mind around why the rest of us weren't there 24 hours a day the way she was. Grief, fear and pain do different things to different people, and how you deal with that is up to you.

I know this is hard. Sometimes even getting out of the room for a few minutes can help you get some perspective. My question for you is this - are you staying for you because you are afraid if you leave she will pass and you don't want to let go? Or are you staying for her because you are worried she will be scared alone? My grandmother was afraid that if she let go of my grandfather he would leave her - she said as much. She said as long as he knew she was there he wouldn't go. She said she couldn't leave because she was keeping him there. And I swear she was because outside of the times when he was in ICU she was literally in the room with him all the time. And then when she finally had him a room that she could be with him 24/7 again, and she stepped out for a few minutes, he passed away.

Take a deep breath. If you want to stay with her, that's fine. But if you know this is her time - don't fault others for finding their closure and saying their goodbyes. Everyone grieves differently. Do you want to be there when she passes? Is that the goal? If so - as hard as this is - maybe that's what you tell her. That you love her so much and you know that she is ready to go. That you want to be with her but that you know she is ready. Give her that release and tell her that you don't want her to be scared. Tell her how much you love her.

I know this isn't easy. Hugs.

I think I’ve known MORE Loved Ones who waited until family members left, than didn’t.

My own mother died in the middle of the night, I’m sure by intention.

Every time I leave my present LO I say “I’ll stop by tomorrow, but if you decide to leave before I get here, tell the rest of the family I said Hello”.

If your dear grandmother seems peaceful and calm and relaxed, she is most likely not scared.

Embrace her peace. I’m sure she will be happy to share it with you.

The living need to rest. A deathbed vigil is exhausting for everyone except the person who is about to pass. Let your family do what they need to do. You should, too. But one thing that isn't required is to make yourself sick over this. She's going to pass in her own time, and she's most likely not scared. She's better off than the rest of you, with peace just around the corner and no more pain and suffering. Think about it that way, and I'm so sorry about what you're going through.

Make sure you take care of yourself and get someting to eat. Countless times a rapid response in a hospital is for a relative who passes out because of low blood sugar. Results are separation from the dying patient and a big bill.

Update . I apologised to my family I explained I just can't go on seeing her like that . We then spent few hrs with her held her hands and stroked her head and before I went to hospital I felt unusually calm . When we just reached home after telling her we would be back in the morning the phone rang telling us to come asap . She past 10 mins before we reached hospital 💔 I think she was hanging on while we were there

It's OK. Just let your family know what you just told us, that you recognize that your grief has gone South and is making you a tad irrational. You should not be deciding for others, but for yourself you are free to stay when you can. I would ask you, as a nurse, to understand that often our elders "wait" until we are away, to let go. They try until the end to stay with us knowing we dread their departing. I am so sorry for this grief, and I celebrate how lucky you were to have someone you so loved.

I stayed with my mom until the end. I never left her side in her dying phase. My brother and niece took turns so there were always two people with her. I would have used her commode if I needed it. I slept with her at the end of the bed the night of her death. She took her last breath with the three of us holding her. You need to do what is best for you and don't worry about others. You can't force them and you certainly do not need any added stress. My mother passed very peacefully and when I recall that night I am at peace knowing we were all with her as she past on.