Elderly lady believes I want her husband. Any advice?

Get married last week! You eloped! I had a friend who was like your patient’s wife. Her husband couldn’t walk, had a feeding tube for 2 years, and could barely speak English. My friend still thinks that her neighbor, who used to sit with him while friend went out, was trying to steal him. He could barely communicate with her! My friend was showing the first signs of dementia and now she is deep into it and thinks everyone is stealing from her. Maybe you can get help for the wife by reporting this to her doctor, but the behavior is unlikely to stop.

No, there is nothing you can say or do that will remedy the situation this woman has created in her head. You may need to quit this job to 'fix' the situation.

Sadly, this is common.

Is this your mother? Is Dad still alive?

Might be a long shot, but you could "create" your own husband, with photos and descriptions of him, praise for him, and brief tales of activities you alleged performed together, such as walks during the fall, visiting various places (museums, etc.).

As I'm seeing as I age, insecurity is present more readily than when I was young and strong. Vulnerability to loss of her husband when she needs him might be involved.

Can you get her husband involved in her care so they're spending more time together?

DrRockU2, my Mom had similar issues. When Dad needed physical therapy at home, my Mom would sit and glare if the therapist was a young woman. It got to a point where the therapist no longer wanted my Dad as a client.

My Mom was the same with caregivers. How dare another woman make dinner for my Dad [and Mom], Mom would dump the food into the trash. Back I thought Mom was just jealous without realizing that it could have been dementia starting up. The caregivers were let go, and my parents needed to work things out on their own.

For your situation, it is time to bring out the "therapeutic fibs". Come up with something you feel your patient would accept. You may have to try different phases before the patient will feel better.