Going through clothes and stuff. Any tips?

I went through all of my mom’s clothes and possessions doing the deciding on what to do with them. It was sad, can’t blame you for your feelings on that. What helped was finding a local women's treatment facility, one that admitted residents who were in bad situations. Some had recently been released from prison, some had been through domestic violence, some were recovering from addiction to alcohol or drugs. The director told us that many arrived with only the clothes they had on and having my mom’s clothing would be a huge blessing. They would have new purpose and life. Knowing mom’s things would be useful gave me peace. I hope you can find the same

My suggestion is just "DO IT". Set yourself a schedule like: Monday clean out tall dresser; Tuesday clean out closet #1; Wednesday clean out night tables, etc. Keeping a tight schedule will keep you from dithering and reminiscing about everything. Go with your first gut reaction - keep, donate, pitch. Realize that there will be some very special items that will go into the keep pile even though they won't be used but limit yourself to 2-3 items per day in that category. AND most importantly, take the donate items to the donation center at the end of each day. Otherwise you'll go through the process all over again as you pack them up to donate. I did this on a full 3,000 sq ft house in just over a month. I worked on one floor at a time - a week per floor. It was hell, but when it was over I realized I felt so much better. AND there have only been a couple of things that I now wish I hadn't gotten rid of. I never thought that I could do this but when I did I felt so much better. Doing it a little at a time just prolongs the agony. My system is like ripping off the bandaid and the relief when it's over is so good.

Remember the clothes are not Mum. Just as children out grow their clothes, Mum has moved past needing many of her clothes.

She needs clothing that meets her current needs, not fancy dress or high style.

My beautiful god mother, had lovely clothes and was always well turned out. But as her shape changed due to Osteoporosis, she could no longer wear many items. So she passed them along to someone who could use them. Her tailored slacks gave way to elastic waistbands, her smart blazers to cardigans.

Grief catches us off guard and in funny ways. And it can stop us in our tracks. Yes, we can grieve while someone is still living. We grieve for the person they were, and are sad when we see who they have become.

I have been clearing out closets too. Dad is still alive, but will never visit the cabin again. He also is a hoarder, so my grief is mixed with anger. For each item that went into the donation pile another went right into the garbage. So many pairs of slacks hanging in a closet with rips, stains, not even wearable for working in the garden.

Do you have a friend or can you hire a declutterer who can help you complete this task?

My mom had a lot of clothes. She lived around 10 years from diagnosis. Just remember that when she gets farther along, shopping will be difficult. If you have some space, consider holding on to the classic styles. I boxed mom's clothes by season and stocked her new closet with a smaller selection to cover 2 weeks in her facility. As things wore out, I tossed and replaced from the box.
FYI you may see other posts about missing items at MCs. This is a good reason to hold onto some of the clothes

I too am in the ongoing process of downsizing clothing and unnecessary household items for my mother. The worse part of it is that she is constantly claiming "these clothes aren't mine, they belong to someone else" Constantly saying her clothing is in the basement; it isn't.
I handle it by not fighting with her but when I take clothing into the laundry some things don't go back upstairs. Eventually out of sight will become out of mind fir your mother. My tip is to go slowly with a few things at first, eventually eliminating what is not needed. My mother too was a clothes horse and always took great care in matching and accessorizing her outfits. With that in mind I try to make nice coordinating outfits that are easy to get on and off for her. Since many of her items are good and useful I donate them and console myself in the knowledge that someone else will be able to use them. One thing I would say is that we also are selling some items of value and we put this money back into her funds and this provides for the extra care that she needs as her condition has deteriorated. That eases a financial burden too so it makes sense all around. Another benefit is that keeping her house clean and safe is easier without a lot of clutter too. We eliminated furniture from some bedrooms on the second floor; no one uses them and she is physically confined to the first floor so it makes sense. In the long run as our parents pass on there will be less to attend to if we start slowly letting go of unneeded things now. Wishing the best for you and your mother.

Lakegirl1, when the time comes to downsize some of your Mom's things in her home, I learned one thing here on this forum that was a huge help.... swap out items.

Example, my Mom had some pudding dishes that I loved, I wouldn't use in the kitchen but they were a perfect size for paperclips. So I "swapped out" the containers I was using for those paperclips for those pudding dishes. I swapped out lamps my parents had that I liked and donated my own lamps that had no special meaning for me. Even swapped out wastebaskets. And book ends, as my folks had some really unusual looking ones.

My Mom loved Lands End clothing and so did I. We were the same size so some of Mom's clothes became my hand-me-downs. Another place I found really nice clothes was on-line ShopNational, Both Mom and I liked their products.

Back when I was working full-time, one of my co-workers use to shop at Goodwill. She was a crafty free spirit girl, and she would come into work beaming wearing her newest item she found at Goodwill. Her smile said it all :)

Once you have the clothes that your Mom needs to take with her, then STOP. Wait to do the rest after she has become a resident and she’s not there to notice - or weigh you down with (quite as much) grief as you go through her things.

It’s a very difficult task ahead. Is there really a chance she’ll come home? If so, just cut through the clutter. If not, no sense having to do this task twice. But either way, you can do this!

When my father was going to AL my daughter and I started to go through his clothing. We found Christmas presents of new clothing still in the Christmas boxes. So much stuff. I asked him to go through things and pick what he wanted to bring. Another mistake. He wanted to do a fashion show and try on each and every item for me to look at. I'm a get-er-done type of girl. I am surprised my head didn't explode during this.

With victims of fire, floods, etc. consider that you are helping your mom make donations. Downsize her clothing collection to 2-3 weeks of warm weather clothes and 2-3 weeks of cold weather clothes. Pick out 2-3 outfits that she really looks good in for special occasions. Then, donate the rest to women's shelters or resource centers for women. Those places will make sure mom's clothes help women in need.

Try to think of of this way…all her stuff is a burden now. She was happy at one time in her nice things and she enjoyed them. Now those same things are just not feasible. You are grieving what your mom was. And that’s ok and it’s totally normal. Now she is ailing and older and will have a different life. That’s ok too. That’s normal too.

Im wondering about your statement that she may return home. If it’s dementia, it’s unlikely she will return home, unless you have multiple full time caregivers for her. Even if she did return home, dressy clothes will need to be replaced with comfortable clothes that are easy to get on and off.

Try to get into the mindset you are ridding her of the burden of having too much stuff. Simplifying will be a relief for you both.

My husband was always a fantastic dresser. When he got Alzheimer’s, he’d stand in the closet just overwhelmed at all his things. He has trouble decide
ing what to wear and what went with what. So in trying to decide, his “castoffs” went into the laundry basket. It didn’t take me too long to figure out A. Why it was taking him so long to get dressed and B. Why I had so much laundry! We donated many things to charity. Clearing out the closet helped us both.

Just keep telling your self you are alleviating the burden of excess. Good luck!