My husband of 52 years has been home for 6 weeks and has regressed in every way. He was in a nursing home facility for 9 months due to several issues. He had back surgery in February and after 6 months finally got to where we were hopeful he would continue to improve especially when he got home. In My heart and mind I thought he would improve and want to. His does nothing to help himself. He is diapers….will not try to get up.. I use a lift to get home up, he wears diapers….the only thing he does for himself is feed himself. He is very negative and me too! I just want to make the right decision and not look back. To be honest I want the decision to not be because I have no life and as I look back on our life it has not been great! I have 3 great children and even they say…he has never been there and he really hasn’t.
the months he was gone were wonderful in a sense that there was nothing negative said and no yelling, except when I went saw him…..hummmmm
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You said it yourself that it was "wonderful" while he was away then, and of course it was. Who wants to be around someone so negative and who yells a lot? No one I know. So get him placed ASAP and get on with enjoying your life. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact you deserve it! You've already given up too much.
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Was he on Medicaid while he was in?
Did you split your assets, if not do it now. See an elder lawyer and have them split. His half will go to his care. Then Medicaid can be applied for. You remain in the home, have a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live on. Then you can set boundries. When you visit and he gets abusive get up, tell him u will visit when he is in a better mood, and walk out. What is he going to do to you.
Grief, regret, sad, yes. Guilty, no.
If he was one of those husbands who always said "you made me yell at you" or the like, consider how your half century of conditioning is causing you to think this way.
Become his advocate, not his nurse.
You tried bringing him home for 6 weeks and it's not working; you gave it your best shot, and now it's time to get him back to the nursing home, with no guilt and no looking back. He'll be in good hands there and you'll get your life back and be able to look after your own health and heart condition. There's no shame in doing such a thing, you deserve to.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.