I am working full time with a kid and a husband. Mum is 70 years old and we invited her to stay and she makes friends in our new neighborhood and badmouths us. Feel sad. Any advice?

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CherryMelb Asked October 2022

I am working full time with a kid and a husband. Mum is 70 years old and we invited her to stay and she makes friends in our new neighborhood and badmouths us. Feel sad. Any advice?

In her day - she uses whatsapp and facebook all day. Helps to just hang the clothes and take them in; plus clear the dishwasher. Eats all her meals (which I prepare, she sometimes chips in) and sleeps. That's all! Yet she tells my neighbourhood, church friends and everyone that she does a LOT of work in my home. It is starting to look bad. No one knows that hubby n self do all other chores, over our FT jobs, extra side work to keep the income and help son with school travel, homework etc. We have been paying and supporting our parents all these years. Feel sad. Feel like a frightened prisoner in my own home.

Mental Health New to Caregiving Relationships Stress

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score 0 · Answer 1

I don't see anything in your post that says that your mother has complained about her workload, or that anybody suggests there is anything wrong with her lending a hand with laundry, meal prep, clearing away, etc.

What in the situation makes you feel like a frightened prisoner in your own home?

And what do you mean about paying and supporting your parents? - what have you and DH been paying, for whom?

Helpful Answer (0)

Because Mum is being used I will assume OP is in the UK. We have Social Security here, what do you have in the UK for retirement?

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score 2 · Answer 2

" We have been paying and supporting our parents all these years."

You have both been "paying and supporting" both sets of parents "all these years"?

?! What do you mean? How much money goes to the parents? And WHY?????

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score 3 · Answer 3

“Mum, I understand you’re unhappy with the effort it takes to run our household, cook and clean. I just know you’ll be so much happier on your own. So I’ve lined up several housing options for you to view on Saturday, all available the first of next month.”

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score 3 · Answer 4

Time Mom's visit ended & she went home.

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score 3 · Answer 5

Your home is supposed to be your refuge, but it isn’t. How on earth did you become financially responsible for your parents? You have no obligation to support this woman. Believe me, I am no stranger to backbiting relatives. No longer do I help or support them, but it took me a long time to get to this point. Be smarter than I was and throw her out. She’s not a good person and you know it.

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score 4 · Answer 6

Tell mom that you heard she is being overworked. Well, that makes two of you.

Bring up al since she is talking about being overworked.

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score 3 · Answer 7

Who is reporting what your mom says back to you, and why haven't you burst out laughing when they relayed what she says?

It really isn't that hard to nip this in the bud. The loudmouths who are sharing this information need to be set straight without delay when they start blabbing, and then what your mom says with then be taken with a giant grain of salt from then on.

Don't lay down, and you won't be treated like a doormat. 😉

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Setting straight the loudmouths includes calling mother a liar - not so easy. Removing mother has some advantages!

(2)

score 4 · Answer 8

Time for an honest talk with mom. Doesn’t sound like this living arrangement is working out for anyone. If she was happy in your home she certainly wouldn’t be talking crap about you and your home. And you’re not happy being taken advantage of. Mom needs to live elsewhere, time to explore options. Feeling sad is fine but it won’t fix the issue. Don’t spend time wishing it could be different, it can, hope you’ll act soon

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Good answer.

(0)

I am working full time with a kid and a husband. Mum is 70 years old and we invited her to stay and she makes friends in our new neighborhood and badmouths us. Feel sad. Any advice?

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