Narcissist and now Dementia. How do you deal with both?

So sorry to hear this. I am right there with you except I placed Mom in assisted living because I'd have another heart attack if she lived with me. I go every other day to visit her and even that is too much. She is rude to the people at the home and tells them to "get out". Nothing pleases her. I have spent my life tiptoeing around her in every interaction. I have spent thousands in therapy because this type of person is basically like being brainwashed since childhood that you are stupid, bad, and to blame for everything wrong that happened in her or my life. People use the term " narcissist" too loosely sometimes because they really don't know what a real narcissist is and how deadly they can be (my brother killed himself and my father attempted suicide while she was verbally abusing him but I got the gun away). So I believe you when you say that she has alienated everyone else but you, and I'm so sorry. I also DON'T believe that even though she has dementia she's no longer responsible for what she says--because I can see the glint in my Mom's eye when she says something she knows is going to hurt me. At this point it's just automatic how she can stir up drama with everyone, not just me. I am so very tempted to never visit again, but I feel morally obligated to. Biblically speaking, it's my cross to bear. Biblically speaking, she should have realized that the "tongue is the tree of life" and she should have at least tried to stop killing people with hers, but she enjoyed the drama that came from it. It was like it charged her batteries. I don't know if I'll ever shake this feeling I have of myself that I'm "not coping" and I'm "too sensitive" but my current therapist says look at the trail of people she has alienated - it's proof there's something wrong with HER. Sorry this went on so long - I just feel so bad for you - I hope you can get her placed in a home so that you can have PEACE. Think ahead about a good way to get her placed - if she has a hospitalization (fall, surgery, whatever) don't accept her being discharged to home - have her sent to a rehab hospital or rehab wing of a nursing home, and then tell her she can't come home. I know this will be very hard (I hope she has $ to pay for it) because she probably has you conditioned to be her servant and to bend to her will in every situation, but you deserve peace and a chance to enjoy your retirement!!

If she has dementia, NOTHING she says means anything.

She is no longer “hard headed”- she is broken brained, and will progressively continue to be broken brained until she dies.

You don’t “ignore” dementia. You embrace the source of the verbalizations.

This may be a very good time to start exploring residential care sites.

She doesn’t have to “have” you, and she doesn’t DESERVE you. Use her money to pay others to care for her, and start preparing NOW for a safe clean place SHE can afford.

You will start to feel better just by having a sense of where you can place her, whether now or in the future.

Well now that dementia is in play her narcissism will only get worse, and you will constantly have to remind yourself that her brain is now broken and it's the disease talking not her. So yes, try hard to just ignore what she says and thank God that she sleeps 75% of the day as that only gives you 25% of the day to have to deal with her. That seems like a silver lining for sure.
Blessings.

Ignore her. At some point she may have to be placed in a facility.