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neeks22 Asked October 2022

Am I at fault?

our estranged dad came back into my life at the beginning on the year. I since then decided to be an advocate for him during his health issues, visit & take care of him and his finances. Dad is a schizophrenic & has been homeless. So I was finally in touch with him & helping care for him. I texted brothers with medical questions & money questions. Since dad has been since he has been on disability so he was not getting much money at all. He’s been staying in a nursing home. Because of his condition I have POA. I also took care of his money (debit card). I would get him clothes when he needed them and whatever else he wanted or needed. My brothers never went and saw him nor wanted to have anything to do with him. Didn’t care. He passed away just recently and now my brothers want to see all the receipts of everything that came out of his account. They want to know if I was taking his money (I was NOT). They dropped this on me last week & social security account etc have been closed because of his death. They are pissed that I cannot access the account and I can’t prove where any of the money went. I have some receipts because they were emailed to me but other than that nothing. They say I’m an idiot because I should of know I would need to show them? I’m obviously hurt but am I at fault? I guess I should of know but if they wanted NOTHING to do with him why would I think they wanted any receipts? I was doing it for 7 months and was never told anything until now. I’m trying to get info but it’s social security it’s going to take awhile. I’m being treated like a thief and that I’m an idiot. There is a lot of stuff that went on with dads care because of his mental illness & a lot I left out. This is just the basic situation I’m having and need help with.

Anabanana Oct 2022
I have an idea that might make your brothers disappear.

“There’s a chance we’ll be all be liable for his debts.”

POOF! Into thin air.
againx100 Oct 2022
lol
lealonnie1 Oct 2022
Put a crisp $1 bill in an envelope. Hand it to your brothers and tell them that's what's left over after a thorough accounting was done of the receipts for your father's care and expenditures.

Of course you're not at fault. You stepped up to care for dad while your brothers did squat and are only NOW coming out to sniff around for cash. So give it to them.....the whole dollar.

My condolences on your loss.
BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
@lealonnie1

That is priceless! Put a crisp one-dollar bill in an envelope and give it to him. That's what the father has left after all his expenses. LOL

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ZippyZee Oct 2022
They're just sniffing around for inheritance money, which there won't be any of, assuming he was in a Medicaid NH. Tell your brothers to piss off.

mstrbill Oct 2022
Tell them to go pound sand. Don't blame yourself for anything. Your brothers wanted nothing to do with him when he was alive, they don't deserve to have anything to do with him after he's passed.
BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
@mstrbill

Agreed.
polarbear Oct 2022
According to OP:

"Dad is a schizophrenic & has been homeless"
"...he has been on disability so he was not getting much money at all."
"He’s been staying in a nursing home."

I doubt he had any assets to put in a will if he had a will.

KNance72 Oct 2022
Tell your brothers to Off . They are Power tripping you and Bullying you . I hate stories Like this One Person does all the work while the other 2 siblings who used them then turn on them . You are Not a idiot - Block their calls and forget them. they are toxic people let the trash take themselves out . You dont need people Like this in your Life . Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done .

SnoopyLove Oct 2022
Neeks, I agree with Polarbear: you don’t owe these so-called brothers anything. If you have explained politely one time that you assisted Dad with his needs from his (probably modest, I assume) income per his request as his POA, I think that should be more than enough and you can refuse to discuss it any further with them.

Thanks for being such an inspiring example of a caring daughter in very trying circumstances. My deepest condolences for your loss.

againx100 Oct 2022
This is always so sad when siblings get all uppity about money. If your dad was on disability and in a nursing home, I have to assume there was virtually NO money. Was he on medicaid to pay for the nursing home? If so, tell them that and tell them they are being ridiculously impossible. Did he have a will and is there any money left?

Sorry you are dealing with so much crap.

polarbear Oct 2022
neeks - your brothers have no legal right to demand anything from you. You do not need to prove anything, or show them anything. Stop trying to please them. Did they care one bit about you when you did all the care for dad? No.

So they are mad because all they want is money and none is left for them. Good! That's a small payback for leaving you with all the care burden. Tell that to their grubby faces. And tell them if they want to know where the money was spent, they can go ask dad. Then laugh at them.

Why do you care how they treat you now? Do you care if a cockroach hates you? You don't need jerks in your life. Tell them to get out of your life. Change your number so they can't contact you anymore.
MargaretMcKen Oct 2022
Perhaps not the best way to deal with this. A POA does need to be accountable, and not just to the deceased. I've suggested a simple way, which could help more.
Labs4me Oct 2022
Tell them to buzz off. You are not obligated to answer to them.

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