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Bondgirlbelle Asked November 2022

Dementia, mood swings and anger. Any advice?

Hello all,


 


I live with my mom due to a bad divorce and because she needed help ( this began five years ago -mom has gotten worse ) She is so mean to me and tells people lies about me. She is ruining my reputation. She has told the co signer on this condo I don’t pay, I do and have checks. I feel like all I am doing Is proving myself. She looses things and blames me, then I find them for her. I don’t know how to except the meanness anymore I’m growing more angry and I don’t want to do this anymore. I am only child and she just spend last of any money she had. So it’s just SS now and we live in Southern Ca. So cost of living is ridiculous. I’m afraid she is going to call police or make up a lie. I can’t tell her doctor cause she would kill me and he would cut off all her “meds” that are hard to obtain shall we say. She told me I could have car she doesn’t drive anymore. Well it’s game time now ( I let my tags expire on my Honda ) I got great job and she is like ya you can’t have car till I’m cold and dead. I am so foolish to believe her and my emotions are all over the map now. Thanks for letting me vent. Thick skin is hard guys especially when it comes to a place to live or a job or my reputation.
Thanks Again.

Beatty Nov 2022
"So now I will work and save and plan." 👏👍💪

"I finally broke down and cried and I try my best not to".

It's OK to have a cry! Let yourself feel whatever you feel.. let the frustration out.

Stable in your boat - but no wind, not sailing anywhere. It's a risk to start rocking the boat! But, worth it to start rowing towards something.. something new. Once you decide what that is, you can keep your eyes open for opportinies to pick up speed.

⛵🛶🚤
Bondgirlbelle Nov 2022
Thank you. I will. I start new job Friday I will be away from home and it requires some local travel. I have a few people lined up to assist while I am gone. Baby steps. The boat is so stable right now I feel great but I know a storm is coming and I can’t get too comfortable.

Thanks again and take care !
CTTN55 Nov 2022
Although I know this is just a vent (which means you won't change anything), I am wondering what is going to happen when she needs more care than you can provide. Who is with her when you are working?

I am sorry that you won't consider moving out, but you wrote in another post: "I am in California rent is so high and I am stuck with her. "
Bondgirlbelle Nov 2022
I meant it to read I am stuck here in this place. I working towards a goal of having my own place. While I work she sleeps mostly and I will get texts all day with issues etc. I am within ten min of home and also my work is fully aware.
I was venting but was able to make two small changes this weekend. Family friend she adores stepped in so we are going to get a walker now and hand over the car keys. We also added myself on the lease as primary. So I did make some changes but it will be a long haul for sure.

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ventingisback Nov 2022
My empathy to you! You’re in an awful situation. Many of us are: mean, abusive mothers against the helping daughter.

Mean mothers who start lying.

Some of it might be dementia. Most of it is probably her mean personality. And if you were a SON, there’s no way she would treat you that way.

My advice?
If you’re in any way dependent on her (financially, or some other way), be careful. She can use it against you.

Find a way to free yourself = be independent (financially, etc., other ways).

Mean people will become nice…then mean…then nice…

She’ll keep doing that.

Be careful.
Bondgirlbelle Nov 2022
Thank you. I worked on gaining some more independence this weekend. She gave up cars keys and I was able to get a family business friend she will listen to on board. So now I will work and save and plan. I finally broke down and cried and I try my best not too.
Beatty Nov 2022
5 years of stability for both you & Mom. A deal that worked for both of you.

Is this deal still the best type of support for both of you - going forward?
Bondgirlbelle Nov 2022
I really don’t know. She needs me and only wants me but I can’t drive myself crazy. I am starting new job with travel that will give me some time away and neighbors can check in and a few family members she has. Not to mention I have a special needs child so my mom competes and gets jealous of her.
BarbBrooklyn Nov 2022
You need to talk to her doctor. She needs more effective medication than what she is getting right now.
Bondgirlbelle Nov 2022
I know and she would disown me and run an ad in paper how awful lol 😝 I was if I spoke to him. Right now she has him convinced to hold off longer on neurologist and we know we have gray matter on right side of temple from last MRI. We also had a Parkinson’s diagnosis so it’s all about get the map. She takes her “happy pills” and I keep my mouth shut. Doctor already cut one back and she was so mad she is still talking about that. It’s all so touchy.

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