Should I move back in?

Brown, do you really want to become your dads surrogate wife?

You know if she waited on him hand and foot, what he expected her to do for him, the house, etc. Are you prepared to step into that role? Because he will expect that.

I would encourage him to sell the house and move into a senior community that he can buy the services he needs and have others his age to do things with.

If you move into his home, you will lose your independence and he will resume the role as DAD. I wouldn't recommend subjecting yourself to being under the authority of your parent, it won't sit well.

I am sorry for your loss.

It's not 'selfish' to want your own life. It really bothers me when I hear *women mostly* using that word with regard to caring for an elderly parent. As if THEY are 'selfish' to want their own independence! Isn't that everyone's God given right? TO live independently, with their own child(ren) and family members?

That said, it's always suggested to help a parent out in any way we possibly can. To abandon them is never recommended, at least not by me or any members of this forum. There are a ton of ways you can help your dad w/o moving in with him and subjecting yourself & your son to that lifestyle! What about Assisted Living for him? That would open up a whole new lifestyle for HIM that would help him socialize with other peers his own age, have meals served, entertainment available, etc. My father loved AL b/c he got to play cards with 'the men' without my mother nagging him for a few hours at a pop! Mom got to schmooze with the women about how irritating her husband was w/o being bugged by her husband for a few hours at a pop! It was a win-win situation for both of them, in reality. People paint a horrible picture of AL when in reality, it's like a hotel and day camp for seniors.

If that's not an option, you can arrange in home caregivers to come in and help dad with whatever he needs. You can arrange to stop by on X days for X hours and visit with him, without disrupting your peace and lifestyle for you and your son. You can even arrange grocery delivery for him or whatever else he needs w/o sacrificing your LIFE in the process.

Wishing you the best of luck finding a plan that works well for ALL concerned, not JUST dad.

I'm very sorry for your loss. You said your Mom passed very recently. This means your father is still grieving and adjusting to a profound change. Maybe it's just too soon for him to make any big decisions. Instead, encourage him to get back out and call friends, find a hobby, find his "new normal", etc. Tell him you don't want to make this decision yet. I would discretely call his friends to ask them to keep in closer contact with him at this time.

Personally, I would not move in with him. I would not be his "plan" and be assumed into caregiving. Better to encourage him to downsize and relocate as close to you as possible. If he "has his own health issues" then I would strongly encourage a care community where he can easily move to different levels of care when (not "if") he eventually needs it.

I live next door to my 93-yr old Mom. It was awesome for her to be so close to her 3 grandsons. There are days when it is still not enough separation, as now her judgment is lapsing and she wanders over whenever she gets the notion and interrupts without "reading the room", among many other developing intrusions.

You are having a gut feeling about moving in with him, and I think you need to pay attention to it. He may be disappointed if you don't move in, but you need to read the stories on this forum of people who live with their aging parents and how it eventually drains the adult children. Your first priority is your son and you.

Evamar summed it up, "...not selfish, just realistic."

Don't do it. You value your independence and really don't want to.
Would your father be open to some different living options? Like selling his big house that he doesn't need and maybe moving to a nice senior community. He wouldn't be alone and might like socializing with other people his own age.
If that isn't his thing, maybe he could rent out a couple of rooms at his place. It would mean extra money and his renters (if they're given a good deal) would help out with the upkeep of the place and provide some company for your father.
Would your father consider selling his house now and buying a duplex-style home (which he puts in your name because you're his heir? You and your son could live next door to him, but you'd still each have your own place. Just some options to consider.

Do not do it. Your Dad is looking for someone to replace your mom as far as the caretaking goes. You would not have a life and if you tried, he would guilt you. Set up a weekly visiting time. Maybe go out to dinner once a week with him and your son. Make sure all your interactions with him are as his daughter not....maid, chauffer, cook, caretaker, etc. He needs to take care of his own needs and if he is unable, you can assist him in finding OUTSIDE help. Anyone but you. You just play the part of his daughter. Do not be the solution to any of his problems or he will find a way to make you the solution to all his problems before you know it.

Don't do it. You and your father will both become miserable. He will start longing for people in his own age range, and you will resent feeling like you've returned to childhood.

I'm with everyone else on this board. It is not selfish to want to remain independent.

He could sell the house and move to an independent living facility. He will meet people his own age.

No, you are not selfish, just realistic.

Do not move in with your dad. At 75, he can still be independent and your presence may cause him to be totally dependent and you will have no life. Just guilt if you try to live it. You can suggest civic groups, church ministries, senior groups he can attend and meet people. Or he can downsize into something smaller and away from memories. Stay strong offering him support of independence or you could end up feeling resentful. You are not responsible for his happiness.

Yes, he is asking that much. No, you shouldn’t do this. It’s like a tar baby: first you stick in your hand and can’t pull it out. Then you try to push the tar baby away with the other hand and it also gets stuck. Then you shove it away with your foot and your foot gets stuck, then the other foot and your head and - guess what? You can no longer move. You can’t get away no matter how hard you try. The tar baby has consumed you. That is what will happen. No question. Read other posts on here. Stuck, stuck and stuck. Tell dad you love him and help him stay independent anywhere but under the same roof with you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Do not move in. When the time comes, by which I mean after a reasonable period of mourning, your father should sell the house that is now too big for him and move into a community that offers continuing care.

Do not allow him to transfer his dependence on your late mother to you. Not good for either of you, or for your son.