My sister won't answer my requests to find out how mom is doing. Do I have any legal rights?

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Skeets Asked November 2022

My sister won't answer my requests to find out how mom is doing. Do I have any legal rights?

My mother is 100 years old and lives with my sister in a different state, many miles away. My sister has guardianship over my mother. She lives in the home of my sister and her "partner". I have been trying to them for a few weeks to find out how my mother is doing. They will not answer my phone calls, texts of emails and I have no idea if my mother is even still alive. Are they not obligated to let me know what's going on? I am totally in the dark at this point. Thank you.

Elder Law Guardianship Long-distance Caregiving Relationships

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score 2 · Answer 1

Are you asking out of concern for your mother, or because you’re interested in inheritance?

Helpful Answer (2)

I am asking out of concern for my mother. She has no money. But thank you for your kind question.

(2)

score 4 · Answer 2

Skeets,
You absolutely have rights! If you have the money for an Elder attorney in the town your mom is in, call one and get going on being listed as an 'interested party' to receive information about her under the court guardianship division. If no money, call that state's Elder agency (at state level) and tell them your story and your need for information. A child is always an 'interested party' to information under any guardianship and whatever your relationship with your sibling, she does not have the legal right to withhold basic information from you.
I wish you the best with this. Just know that you do have rights; you just need to assert them.

Helpful Answer (4)

thank you!

(2)

score 2 · Answer 3

I just want to know if she is still alive and if she is, how she is doing. I'm not asking for anything beyond this. I would think out of moral obligation my family would be more considerate. Thank you.

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score 0 · Answer 4

I'm interested to know the back story. Functioning families don't act this way, so why won't anyone talk to you?

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We are not a functioning family unfortunately.

(1)

score 2 · Answer 5

Skeets, I found a post from this past summer. Does your brother have any information since your Mom had also lived with him? https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-need-help-deciding-what-to-do-with-my-100-year-old-mom-who-lives-in-a-different-state-and-thinks-s-476658.htm

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My brother and sister in law will not answer my calls, texts, emails or letters.

(1)

score 2 · Answer 6

Just curious how she ended up with your sister. Wasn't mom living with your brother previously? Best of luck

Helpful Answer (2)

My brother has estranged me so I've been going through my sister (in law) who has also refused to answer my requests

(1)

score 1 · Answer 7

You could do an internet search for the obituary of your mother in the county and state where you think they are living. I'm very sorry for your situation.

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This is a good idea, but not foolproof. I didn't publish any notices about my brother's death, actually on the advice of a fiduciary friend, who said with a single man, who lived alone as long as he did in another city, there can be attempts are theft pure and simple and identity death specifically. As there was no need to publish--he told me who I should notify and there were no debts--I did not. There was no obit and no notifications published.

(2)

score 2 · Answer 8

No, there are no legal obligations to contact you or to answer queries. It is tragic, but not illegal.
Clearly there has been "water under the bridge" here, as the old saying goes, a family history that has caused you and your sister to become estranged.
I would send a very brief note, not including anything about feelings, yours or hers, simply asking if she could be "so good and so kind" as to let you know if your Mom is still with us. I would tell her you appreciate that she is overwhelmed with caregiving if she is, and know it is taking her time. I would tell her that the decision to let you know about Mom in no way obligates her to communicate further with you, and that you will not trouble her again. But that if she can "find it in her heart" to let you know, you would forever be grateful, and would not trouble her in future.
If she still does not, and if you know of no one in that area who might let you know, you are stuck with a trip there, or stepping back.
I am so sorry you are troubled in this.

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I would add send it to by certified mail. So it sorry I haven't been able to reach u.. and continue as above... Maybe include a self addressed envelope but end of with I always look forward to r call also... Determine if this is a hostile action against u. I don't think u have any legal action but u can try to. Make amends.
Maybe send her some flowers not ur to mother t or no ur sister. 'So grateful u r can taking care of of our mom.. thank you. Let me. Know if what I can do to from this distance, love ur sister , name

(1)

score 4 · Answer 9

Good Morning,

Just maybe your sister is waiting for you to show up. The one that is in the trenches has a lot on their plate. At age 100 I don't imagine anyone is doing that great.

Have you helped out or pitched in along the way?

How about if you have some groceries delivered or some prepared meals for your sister or day of beauty. Send your sister some flowers and a box of candy
or better still pay for the family to have a Thanksgiving meal cooked and delivered.

Sometimes you get tired of repeating the same health issues to different people--neighbors, friends, parishioners, people you bump into in the market. It's a broken record.

I love the people that knock on the door and hand in a quart of chicken noodle soup, or another who drops off Cranberry juice for Mom and another who brings me the morning paper to my door or ask if they can pick up a prescription at the CVS drive-thru for my Mom to save me the trip. This is what your sister needs.

These are things I love about caregiving...these are a few of my favorite things!

Helpful Answer (4)

I took care of her for 14 years until she fell and broke her arm, just as covid hit. She went to rehab but when the money ran out she had to go somewhere. I couldn't find anyplace that would take her due to covid so my brother/sister stepped in and offered to take her to their place. That was two plus years ago. She remains there and now they have guardianship of her.

(3)

score 2 · Answer 10

No, the guardian is not obligated to tell you anything.

Are you positive your sister is her guardian? Or did she just tell you this? I'm only asking because if there's any doubt (and no proof), maybe research this information (not sure if it's public record or not). Or consult with an elder law attorney for your Mom's state.

Also, please understand that there are always two sides to every story and we are only getting your side.

Helpful Answer (2)

yes, understood. There is always two sides to every story. I am only asking for advice. Thank you

(0)

score 3 · Answer 11

Skeets, caregiving for someone who is 100 years old and depending on what health issues the person has, it is a 24/7 job. Could be your sister just doesn't have time to answer the phone, text, or e-mail. Seniors taking care of older senior is very overwheming and exhausting.

Are you able to travel to your sister's home to check up on your Mom? Have you had a chance to care for Mom any time in the past? If not, it could be your sister resents that she and her sig-other had to give up so much of their life to be caregivers. This was not the retirement she had planned. This is not uncommon.

Yet, for your sake, it would be good to know how your Mom is doing.

Helpful Answer (3)

Yes, I took care of her for 14 years. Please see my answer above. Thank you.

(2)

My sister won't answer my requests to find out how mom is doing. Do I have any legal rights?

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