My mom has been living with me and my boyfriend for a year and a half. It has changed everything. I am her POA. Any advice?

In 5 years,she may be more advanced with her dementia and qualify for Medicaid and LTC. So why are you planning to waste your last drive to retirement? Place her now where she will have many hands on her. Try to find a place with multi levels of care that includes Medicaid beds. That way when her money runs out, you can claim that she would not be safe in your home.

There's a lot of good advice here. The best is - don't leave your job! You lose so many benefits, including the psychological ones. Think about the friends you have at work; maintaining the friendships will be nigh unto impossible. The whole dynamic with them and everyone else will change because you're taking care of a dementia patient and won't have much of interest to say to them. Then the status you enjoy from your job; your place in the world is somewhat determined by what you do at work. That's gone when you're caring for a dementia patient. You're just a caregiver then (and before anyone gets angry at me for demeaning caregivers, understand that I AM a caregiver for my husband, have been an unpaid caregiver for parents, another relative and a friend, and there is little or no status and only a little satisfaction in it ). Also the psychological benefit of doing a good job as a secretary and being commended for it would be gone. Virtually no one commends anyone for being a caregiver. Then, of course, your mom has an incurable condition of her brain that ensures that she will continue to lose cognition. If she lives long enough, she may not be able to express herself with words at all. She may not be able to vocalize. You will find it frustrating to have no one coherent to talk with all day. She won't understand what she's watching on TV, may get delusions, may not know who you are, could start falling frequently, and manifest many other symptoms of dementia. At that point, if you can't cope and decide to place her where someone more proficient at dementia care can look after her, where is your life? Can you get your job back? Your health insurance? Who will you be? What have you saved for your retirement? How will this situation have affected you emotionally? And where will boyfriend be? Not many significant others can handle the stress of a dementia patient in the home all the time going nowhere sucking up all your emotional energy and needing frequent diaper changes. I wouldn't worry about her money being gone in four or five years. Deal with that when you come to it. Right now look after yourself, and I'm pretty sure that means don't let her get sicker in your house. You need to find her a place where she can be happy now and get the expert memory care she will definitely need later.

KathyRoads65, if at all possible do not leave your job. Many years ago I read in Forbes that if one leaves their job to do caregiving they will lose, over the years, in what amounts to $350,000.

That $350,000 includes not just salary, but the company cost for employee health insurance which is very expensive.... company 401k matching dollar or dollar.... stock options [if the company is on the Stock Exchange].... profit sharing.... paid vacation days off.... paid sick days off.... etc.

If you leave your job at 57, that would mean you would need to purchase health insurance until you become 65 when you can get Medicare. I remember when I was in independent contractor [self-employed] my health insurance was costing me $550/month with $5,000 deductible, and that was over a decade ago.

Since your Mom is in her early stages of dementia, it sounds like she would be ok staying at home. Or you could find an Elder Center where she can go during the day to be around people of her own generations. She could find some new BFF.

Has your Mom been diagnosed with dementia? If not, she could just have normal memory slowdown which doesn't require anyone to need around the clock care. I know my sig-other and I [both 76] are now slower when answering Jeopardy questions :)

You are POA and already making the decisions so I am assuming your mom has an advanced dementia. Are you prepared to devote the next decade or more of your life to 24/7 care? I caution against this. First of all, you are not going to replace any meaningful salary with payment from your mom. You will lose your job skills. Many caregivers end up with loss of job, home and mental and physical health.
Your Mom will not get better but increasingly worse and needy. You say your mom has been living with you one and one- half years, so you already have a good understanding of what I have said.
When Mom can no longer be alone for any period of time the need for caregivers, if you expect to have any life at all, will be extreme and enormously expensive, dwarfing the costs of ALF.
In my opinion your Mom having been taken into your home has painted you into a corner. It is very difficult to ask a senior to live and some simply refuse. By taking them in you have made them a tenant whether they pay rent or not, with all rights of a tenant. It is "their home".
If you do this you are throwing some of the best years of your life, those when you are retired and free to enjoy yourself after earning a good cushion for your own elder years by working hard, into the trasher.
You only have one life. My own daughter is 60 now and I am 80. I dread the thought she would ever give up any part of her well- earned retirement after working and raising her own family, on the altar of caring for me, and I have always made it clear that isn't an option.
I would encourage placement. When your mother's funds, which she has for her own elder years, is gone, it is time to consider what resources are/will be then available in terms of medicaid for the rest of her years.
It's a tough decision. One only you can make. Weigh all factors carefully, and I wish you the very best of luck.

Why are you giving up your work (and, probably soon enough, your entire life) to caregiving?

How did it happen that your mother came to live with you and your bf?

You are giving up your career and Income - Your Only 57 - Dementia can Last for years . I would find her a Good assisted Living program where she Can Make friends and Have activities . No amount of Money can prepare you for this Long Journey and the stress involved . Its a lot of work More then you will expect .

You would need to see a eldercare attorney to set up a legal caregiver contract.

In some places, POA can not also be paid by the grantor.

Mom becomes your employer. Taxes must be withheld and paid. Also Social Security and Medicare tax.

Mom will still be out of money at some point; you will be jobless and possibly physically damaged. Mom needs more than one shift of care.

Finally, what happens when mom's dementia advances and she she accuses you of stealing all her money?

Consider all of these scenarios; they appear here repeatedly.

She can pay you but you should have a written contract in place. This makes her your employer. If she doesn't do payroll tax withholding then you won't be adding to your own social security, which you will need in your own retirement years. She (or a hired bookkeeper) would need to submit a W2 form at the end of each year. Or, if you are a "contractor" then a 1099 and you'd have to pay taxes on it yourself.

Please know that each state has their own rules for their Medicaid program. In most states the "lookback" period on the financial portion of the application is 5 years. This means you need to be extremely careful and clear with the recordkeeping for your Mom's affairs.

If your Mom transitions into a care facility, her money goes to pay for this until she no longer can. Close to this time she can apply for Medicaid (or you will do this for her). My MIL is in an excellent facility on Medicaid. She is left $90 every month, which she basically doesn't necessarily need since she no longer has any bills to pay except the facility's. We put it into her Resident Trust for her to spend on bi-weekly hair and nail care.

Here is good info from this AC website:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-paid-for-being-a-caregiver-135476.htm