My recipient gets mad and mean because I won't do exactly how she wants me to . Like stack wood , pick up dog poop , and other things that I am not suppose to do .
I am here to do ABC. I am not here to do XYZ. If you want XYZ done, I can help you find someone for that.
A friend that works in home care said it was steep learning curve at the start. Was taken advantage of early on as she didn't quite know her role. Once she did, she developed more confidence to set her boundaries. Learned where she could be flexible & what would stay a hard no.
Clean up after the dog & mop an inside floor, ok - makes a safe walking environment. Heavy yard work - hard no.
Most caregivers are there to watch their client and provide companionship. If you got injured and the client has no workers comp, then you would have to sue. Tell your client no.
If there is a contract, your duties should be spelled out in that contract. If not, then the definition of ur job should say what ur Responsibilities to a client are.
I would show her what she contracted out for. Then I would tell her you need you discuss with your supervisor how much extra it would cost the woman to perform the duties over and above what you were hired to do.
If you really don't mind doing the extras for her, still show her what she contracted for. Then say, you don't mind doing the xtra things for her when your done with what you are responsible for and if time allows. But, you will not continue to put up with her being rude and angry towards you. If she is, u will chose not to do the xtra for her. She will need to pay someone to do those things.
(I have scooped cat do do for 30 yrs, but will not pick up Dog do do. One reason I do not have a dog)
Who is going to do these jobs that aren’t really yours? Perhaps you need to talk to your client about hiring someone else to ‘do jobs’ that aren’t about her care. Of course the cost of you may be subsidised, the cost of a wood-stacker may have to come out of her pension. Talk about the alternative of living somewhere with fewer ‘jobs’ – an apartment? AL if it’s affordable? What isn’t OK is to assume that you will do everything that a fit and willing ‘husband’ would do.
This is quite common. My second MIL got quite upset when her subsidised carer wouldn’t dust her large number of china ornaments. A carer some time ago was ‘required’ to wash the husband’s car. It’s as if a carer is a servant, doing everything the client can no longer cope with. And it will probably get worse.
'Mad and mean' is another matter, and also common - even without any disagreement about jobs. If you are working in this job, you need to work out how to cope with it. There are many many posts on this site about how to handle it. 'Burnt' is probably the expert with the strongest and clearest views. Perhaps searching this side of the problem would help. It sounds as though your expectations of 'gratitude for your help' may be a bit unrealistic. The 'mantra' method might be a good place to start: "Not part of my job", smile, no discussion, repeat repeat repeat.
Talk to your boss, who is responsible for drawing up your contract - you need your 'real' employer on your side.
And what are you hired for? Do you have a care contract that spells out what your duties are for this individual? I think that it sounds as though this person has a problem with understanding the boundaries with a hired caregiver. I would gently sit down with her with a written list of your duties. IE Cook two meals, light housekeeping of mopping, dusting, vacuuming, and etc. It is sounding like she/he is needing some other help by a general chores person. I myself would not have a problem with picking up after the dog, but would with wood stacking, so to me, whatever I am hired for, I would be glad to be busy. If you cannot come to an agreement, then perhaps you will choose not to work for this person. If you an come to an agreement, all the better. As to attitude and "meanness" I think that those unable to do things for themselves are feeling hopeless and powerless; it does nothing for our good nature to lose our abilities, and to sit seeing chores we cannot do stack up. So have a bit of sympathy, and tell the person you haven't time with your other duties to do these extras. Wishing you good luck.
Christina, I understand this is a very tough situation. Sometimes I think disabled individuals become so frustrated that they can't do anything on their own, that they forget how frustrating things can be for those who work for them when they blurt out orders this way.
I think that one option of course, is to let them know that you would no longer like to do chores like these for them.
But I think the best option is to let them know that the way they are ordering you to do things bothers you and stresses you out. Remind them of this, because it is easy for them to forget or not realize. Letting them know how you feel in these situations can help them take a step back and realize the stress they may be putting on you. Remind them that you are more than happy to help them with chores they need (if you are), because it improves their quality of life, but that how they are treating you while you are helping them stresses you out.
I have realized that it is not mean or selfish to set boundaries this way, even though it often feels like it is. Often times as caregivers, we want to help the other person so badly that it is easy to sacrifice too much of ourselves to do so. But to help people to the best of your ability, you need to take care of yourself firstly.
If you work with this person often, or even if you don't, if they stress you or upset you constantly, eventually you are going to resent them. Neither you nor them want that, because if you resent them, you are not going to care for them nearly as well, if at all.
From your profile: About Me Hello I am a Caregiver for Social Services . Been with them for 2 years . Though , I cared for my Mother who had Dementia for 5 yrs. I learned so much and want to learn so much more . It’s my passion to care for those who need need care . I am also taking online classes to become a Professional Grant Writer for the Elders , Veterans, Military, Homelessness, Fire Fighters , Police, individuals, Disables, Unfortunate Families living in Poverty
If your client was given to you through Social Services, do let your supervisor know about the jobs that this disabled person expects you to do. Perhaps then your supervisor can let the recipient know these are not within the scope of your duties. Or you yourself can let her know what your duties are, specifically, and scooping poop and stacking wood are NOT among them. I'd print out a list of duties you ARE expected to do, and hand them to your client; anything not on that list you DO NOT DO, period. She can get mad, but you still should not perform duties outside of the scope of your job title.
8 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I am not here to do XYZ.
If you want XYZ done, I can help you find someone for that.
A friend that works in home care said it was steep learning curve at the start. Was taken advantage of early on as she didn't quite know her role. Once she did, she developed more confidence to set her boundaries. Learned where she could be flexible & what would stay a hard no.
Clean up after the dog & mop an inside floor, ok - makes a safe walking environment.
Heavy yard work - hard no.
ADVERTISEMENT
Responsibilities to a client are.
I would show her what she contracted out for. Then I would tell her you need you discuss with your supervisor how much extra it would cost the woman to perform the duties over and above what you were hired to do.
If you really don't mind doing the extras for her, still show her what she contracted for. Then say, you don't mind doing the xtra things for her when your done with what you are responsible for and if time allows. But, you will not continue to put up with her being rude and angry towards you. If she is, u will chose not to do the xtra for her. She will need to pay someone to do those things.
(I have scooped cat do do for 30 yrs, but will not pick up Dog do do. One reason I do not have a dog)
This is quite common. My second MIL got quite upset when her subsidised carer wouldn’t dust her large number of china ornaments. A carer some time ago was ‘required’ to wash the husband’s car. It’s as if a carer is a servant, doing everything the client can no longer cope with. And it will probably get worse.
'Mad and mean' is another matter, and also common - even without any disagreement about jobs. If you are working in this job, you need to work out how to cope with it. There are many many posts on this site about how to handle it. 'Burnt' is probably the expert with the strongest and clearest views. Perhaps searching this side of the problem would help. It sounds as though your expectations of 'gratitude for your help' may be a bit unrealistic. The 'mantra' method might be a good place to start: "Not part of my job", smile, no discussion, repeat repeat repeat.
Talk to your boss, who is responsible for drawing up your contract - you need your 'real' employer on your side.
If you cannot come to an agreement, then perhaps you will choose not to work for this person. If you an come to an agreement, all the better.
As to attitude and "meanness" I think that those unable to do things for themselves are feeling hopeless and powerless; it does nothing for our good nature to lose our abilities, and to sit seeing chores we cannot do stack up. So have a bit of sympathy, and tell the person you haven't time with your other duties to do these extras.
Wishing you good luck.
I understand this is a very tough situation.
Sometimes I think disabled individuals become so frustrated that they can't do anything on their own, that they forget how frustrating things can be for those who work for them when they blurt out orders this way.
I think that one option of course, is to let them know that you would no longer like to do chores like these for them.
But I think the best option is to let them know that the way they are ordering you to do things bothers you and stresses you out. Remind them of this, because it is easy for them to forget or not realize.
Letting them know how you feel in these situations can help them take a step back and realize the stress they may be putting on you. Remind them that you are more than happy to help them with chores they need (if you are), because it improves their quality of life, but that how they are treating you while you are helping them stresses you out.
I have realized that it is not mean or selfish to set boundaries this way, even though it often feels like it is. Often times as caregivers, we want to help the other person so badly that it is easy to sacrifice too much of ourselves to do so. But to help people to the best of your ability, you need to take care of yourself firstly.
If you work with this person often, or even if you don't, if they stress you or upset you constantly, eventually you are going to resent them. Neither you nor them want that, because if you resent them, you are not going to care for them nearly as well, if at all.
I hope this helps. Take care and all the best.
About Me
Hello I am a Caregiver for Social Services . Been with them for 2 years . Though , I cared for my Mother who had Dementia for 5 yrs. I learned so much and want to learn so much more . It’s my passion to care for those who need need care . I am also taking online classes to become a Professional Grant Writer for the Elders , Veterans, Military, Homelessness, Fire Fighters , Police, individuals, Disables, Unfortunate Families living in Poverty
If your client was given to you through Social Services, do let your supervisor know about the jobs that this disabled person expects you to do. Perhaps then your supervisor can let the recipient know these are not within the scope of your duties. Or you yourself can let her know what your duties are, specifically, and scooping poop and stacking wood are NOT among them. I'd print out a list of duties you ARE expected to do, and hand them to your client; anything not on that list you DO NOT DO, period. She can get mad, but you still should not perform duties outside of the scope of your job title.
Best of luck.
Is this a relative?
Do you live with this relative?
Does this relative live with you?
And for how long.
We need more information from you. Hoping to hear more.