My mother was released from the hospital 5 days ago. She slid or fell out of her chair and has been laying on the floor ever since. I can’t roll her over to clean her nor can she do it herself. I am trying my best to keep clean pads under her and dry blankets on her.
she does not want me to call 911, she gets upset and tells me to leave her alone she just wants to lay there. I am feeding her when she wants to eat. She is drinking water. I am truly at my wits end. I have been helping her for over a year now, my father and brother passed within the year as well. I don’t know who to turn to for help. Medicare can’t pay for a rehabilitation facility because she went to the hospital within 100 days of her release from a rehabilitation facility. Her doctor said they can’t help. I tried reaching out to the case worker she had when she was on the hospital. My family members have called Delaware aging something. Although these places or people seem to want to help they don’t know what I can do other then a private nurse that cost anywhere from 30 to 60 dollars an hour.
40 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
You've left an 84 y/o woman on the floor for 5 days b/c 'she gets upset and tells you to leave her alone she just wants to lay there' and doesn't want you to call 911. When does her wishes get overridden and common sense take over? I ask you that seriously, not to make you feel bad.
Call 911 and have the EMTs get your mother off the floor immediately. Let them check her out completely to see if they feel she's suffered a broken bone or an injury from the fall. Or if she's dehydrated or in a compromised state from being on the floor for so long. If so, she can be transported back to the ER for testing.
Then, apply for Medicaid and have your mother placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility for long term care b/c you are in over your head with caring for her at home now. There comes a time in an elder's life when a nursing home is their only option. We daughters make the decision to place them with love in our hearts and a desire to see them get good care, 24/7. My mother lived in Assisted Living and then Memory Care b/c she fell all the time, 95x to be exact. EVERY single time, the staff picked her up and got her back into her chair or her wheelchair when she became wheelchair bound. Never was she left to languish on the floor for any length of time. I knew I was unable to care for my mother and her myriad of issues at home, so off to AL she went. When her money ran out to private pay, I was planning to apply for Medicaid to fund her stay in a nursing home. She died before that happened, at 95, this past February.
There is NO SHAME in holding up the white flag of surrender and saying I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. We all have our limits, my friend, and it's okay to recognize those limits and say ENOUGH.
Don't listen to anyone's advice about you 'being in trouble' for this. You're doing the best you can and once it's understood why you didn't call 911 right away, you'll be off the hook. DO NOT LET FEAR STOP YOU FROM CALLING 911 FOR YOUR MOM'S SAKE!!!
And there is nothing wrong in overriding mom's wishes and calling 911 to get the woman OFF the floor now. Please do so right away. It's okay too if she gets angry with you. It's your job as her caretaker to do the right thing FOR her, even when she objects.
Good luck to you.
You KNOW that's not nearly OK, don't you?
I hope you have called 911. She needs more than a 'boost' to get her back in her bed/chair. The EMT's will PROBABLY assess her and take her to the ER, which you need, to ascertain her current health conditions.
If APS gets wind of this, you may be in huge trouble. This is abuse.
Please call for help!!
ADVERTISEMENT
Reading what you just said, there is a bolster pillow device you can Buy to put over the mattress on mom's bed. It cups her body, sort of, and prevents her falling out. I'll go find it on Amazon and give you the link. Get the EMTs to put her back in bed with this pillow, then see a certified Elder Care attorney to help you set up a Miller trust in Delaware for the excess $$ mom makes that disqualifies her for Medicaid. Then off she goes into a Skilled Nursing Facility once she's approved. You nor she can live like this, it's too much.
My condolences on your losses this year.
Here is the link to the fall prevention bolster bed pad:
https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-Universal-Mattress-Perimeter/dp/B00V86G39C/ref=sr_1_69?crid=285HOE0JU8RJW&keywords=Medical+equipment+bolster+to+prevent+falling+out+of+bed&qid=1668661234&sprefix=medical+equipment+bolster+to+prevent+falling+out+of+bed%2Caps%2C199&sr=8-69&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0
If she fell onto the floor that is different, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe engage caregivers til she can get medicaid set up. OP can't wear herself out trying to give care on the floor. OP, do you have a draw sheet under her? That makes it much easier to turn her for cleaning, but may still be a 2 person assist.
"Thanks for your response. I am more then willing to put her in a nursing home. They wouldn’t take her because her Medicare won’t pay because she had a relapse with in a hundred days of being released from the home. I told the hospital case workers that I could not take care of her.
I applied for Medicaid for her she was denied she makes just a little to much they are sorry though.
I called her PCP they told me there was nothing else they could do as far as getting her in a home.
I called hospice, they told me she doesn’t fit the criteria.
I had a home nurse in for 4 days so I could go to my dads memorial that cost $2200 for 4 days.
Home health care hasn’t come out either. The case worker said they denied her.
The EMT’S were here night after night after night. They can’t take her if she does not want to go they told me!!!!
Its not like I threw her on the floor and left her there. She wants to be there. She has plenty of cushions under her and plenty of blankets on top of her.
I really wanted guidance on finding what else I could try to get help for her. I was hoping someone would tell me about a program I am missing.
Before she was discharged the last time I bought her bed so everything was in one area for her.
I am NOT neglecting my mother. This is a sad sad situation. I am doing everything I can to keep her comfortable. Every single day for the past year and a half I think of ways to make life easier for her.
I also asked her if she wanted me to reach out to another home health care she said no what did they do for her last time.
Oh, I also found another program that would help. She didn’t make too much for the program, but she lives 1 mile from the zip code cut off. So they couldn’t help either."
I gave the OP info about Miller Trusts which are available in Delaware, and urged her to see an Certified Elder Care attorney for guidance about Medicaid for long-term care.
"I am NOT neglecting my mother. This is a sad sad situation. I am doing everything I can to keep her comfortable".
Then it becomes a sad but necessary choice for the OP.
Continue or stop.
Continue making Mom comfortable on the floor.
Or, call EMS again, take a firm stand & state this stops now.
Mom can decline transport but she CAN NOT insist her daughter be her caregiver.
If the OP says no more, I quit, it's game over.
Mom gives in & is transported to hospital for assessment/treatment or if not, is forced via a Baker Act to get there.
The ball is in the OP's court here.
It isn't clear to me why Mom is remaining on the floor. But if she has no mattress her aging body will not tolerate this without developing almost instant sores. A decubitus ulcer comes from pressure on tissues unable to tolerate the same, and can come within a day, and kill quickly.
If, on the other hand, this is a fall concerns issue, and there is a mattress placed on the floor there is no way that your own back, or anyone else's could tolerate giving care on the floor to someone.
You tell us that your Mom will not allow 911 to be called. Unfortunately that isn't really a choice that she can make; you have a duty of care to get her to a place where safe care can be rendered.
Please call 911. When Mom enters care contact the social worker at once to help you go through options, because this cannot work.
People don't just fall off a profiling bed with raised rails. If she is winding up on the floor every time, then she is getting out, she isn't falling out. Try to find out what it is about being at floor level that she prefers, and/or what it is about the bed or the mattress or the view that she doesn't like when she's in bed, and see if there's a solution to that.
In your profile you mention cancer but you don't mention dementia. The point about this is that if she's able to make her own decisions about where she wants to lie she is also capable of understanding that she needs to co-operate with you in her own care. Is she on hospice? Do you have any support at all with looking after her?
Or you really have left her like that. Do you not know how to call 911?
Let me tell you something. If in fact this is going on and you've been feeding your mother on the floor, YOU are guilty of abuse. Call the police and ambulace right now.
Make sure you clean the dishes up off the floor and the arrangements you've had there for the last five days.
I'm reporting your post because people like you should not be on this forum.
There is also a major concern if Wendilyn isn't rolling her Mom over so that blood clots don't form.
If this was so okay and something this poster deals with, why on earth would she post a question that sounds desperate?
Not being able to move, just laying there peeing and crapping yourself is considered okay? Not in my world.
Yes, this has become an emergency.
Why is everyone assuming that her mom could roll herself before and that this is a new, emergency situation? The question isn't, "OH MY GOD MY MOM FELL AND IS REAL BAD HURT WHAT DO I DO!?"
The question was, "Mom's in the floor again like she's been doing for over a year and it makes it real hard to keep her clean. Any advice on keeping her clean? All I can think to do is call 911 but she doesn't want to and it's not an emergency so that seems extreme. Her doctors say it's fine for her to be on the floor and even moved her mattress to be on the floor in the hospital, I just need advice on floor rolling so I can clean her."
Perhaps this is another thread to close down further commenting on before personal attacks get sent via PMs. The OP has gotten some good advice already in the comments, not just outrage at her for leaving mom on the floor.
I vote for shutting this puppy down before it becomes an even bigger train wreck 😑
Reporting my post for mods to consider shutting down this thread to future comments.
I usually agree with you on most topics because you are experienced in caregiving and give top-shelf advice that actually helps an inexpereinced person in caregiving.
I don't agree with you here. I think this thread should be closed to commenting but it should be left up.
People have be called out when something like this is going on.
The responses being "mean" or "unsupportive" to the poster is not the problem here.
The problem is a caregiver seeking advice on how to care for her mother who's been laying on the floor for almost a week.
That's the problem. Not whether or not everyone is nice and supportive enough to Wendilyn who has left her handicapped mother who cannot get up on the floor for nearly a week.