How to deal with mom fixating and obsessing over jewerly that was stolen years ago?

I go thru that with my Dad - I did find his ring under the sink after a year - havnt found his wallet yet ? His phone was in the freezer - he obsesses over his mother’s wedding ring and who took it - I will say “ Dad that was a longtime ago “ but then he brings up
the topic again . They want you to look for things - maybe buy her something pretty off Etsy for Christmas. I got him a watch last year and he lost that and I had to buy another watch - it never ends .

We are living the same nightmare - my Dad has also moved 5 times in 5 years - and is dying to move again. He's obsessed with one thing after the other. Ugh.

You cannot convince an elder suffering from dementia of ANYTHING, so stop trying. Just tell her you'll keep looking for it, and that you've filed a police report, and that's all that can be done. Keep repeating that line 1,000,000,000 times, or, every single time she asks you. I would not go rooting through pawn shops on the one-in-a-billion chance you'll find her jewelry, either. I'd would, however, offer to buy mom some new jewelry (costume) if she'd like. Then change the subject. OCD behaviors are standard fare with dementia. If she's highly agitated and won't stop dwelling on the matter, I'd ask her doctor to prescribe mild calming meds to help her out. Anxiety and agitation go with the territory; my mother had a lot of good luck with Ativan.

Did your Mom fill in any paperwork to report the loss at the time? If not, can she do so now? It was important to her & she wants that to be heard I guess.

Would it be possible for her to afford a new piece of jewellery? Not diamonds or anything fancy (to be stolen again 😩) or anything like what she had. Maybe nice costume beads or a fun bracelet. Something she would enjoy putting on these days.

aj6044, my Mom's diamond dress ring was no longer in the ring box I had noticed this after Mom had passed. I didn't know if my parents had sold it or given it away. Mom preferred to wear the diamond that my Dad had given her when they were engaged.

One day I happened to glance down at a large basket of silk flowers that I had brought home when clearing out my parents' house, and something sparkled back at me. It was the ring I thought was gone from years ago. Still a mystery how it got there, and thank goodness I didn't donate that basket of flowers as I had with other silk arrangements Mom had.

Thus, the missing jewelry could still be in the house.

Don't spend precious time searching for something that was most probably lifted from her room.

My MIL routinely took off her rings when she did dishes. She left them in a dish on the kitchen counter. She was robbed by her cleaning lady's son. Even KNOWING that and him confessing to it, she still believes that my baby (at the time, who was only 18 months old) had taken them and tucked them in her diaper. This was 39 years ago, you'd think we could put it to bed!

But she still brings it up, on occasion. Of COURSE my 18 mo didn't push a chair to the sink to steal gma's rings. But you can't talk sense into people who need to believe what they need to believe.

Seriously--the actual THIEF copped to that robbery and several others. He took a lot of jars of change that FIL saved, a coin collection and some tchotchkes, but my baby was the focus of MIL's anger.

Funny--I had not thought of that for years.

MIL and FIL divorced over 30 years ago. The rings were very cheap and she often commented on how cheap FIL was. (He wasn't. BTW.) If she brings it up, DH just shuts her down about it.

Tell her you've submitted a poliice report and are waiting for them to follow up. When she brings it up again, tell her the detective doesn't have any updates at this point. Brief answer then redirect the conversation. If she keeps after the topic, walk out of the room, no explanation necessary.

Are you sure she remembers what it looks like? If you could buy cheap facsimiles in a thrift shop, that might satisfy her.