Hello Aging Care Community,
It has been years since I last was here. Things definitely have changed after my grandmother passed away on March 27, 2020. She was shy from 94. I miss her. My grandpas life has changed dramatically. He lives alone and independently; Trying to keep up the times.
This pass Tuesday, morning his sister states she had not heard from him.She kept calling. No answer. So I go to the house and find grandpa on the floor...Tumbled in the sheets.He had a bad fall from his bed. He stated he slipped and fell when he was going into bed and his foot slid on the rug. reason he could not get to the phone; it was not within his reach. He was very stubborn when the first responders came; and the paramedics. He didn't want to go to the hospital. His sister and niece talked to him. No.
He kept stating no hospital. Why?So the paramedics contacted the city dr on call for eval. His bp was high; his heart rate was too; his blood sugar was stable.he does have high blood pressure, diabetes(uses Dexcom 6), hdl -cholesterol and arthritis in both knees; has a wound on left ankle(his wound care nurse comes by every 2-3 days);takes his meds daily. So the city dr; suggested an iv on him for the 1 hr and 20 mins to see the solution. I felt so bad for the emts being here for so many hrs; i told gpa they are here to help.
Could not believe this? Now his sister who is an RN; worries constantly when he doesn't answer the phone; she is blasting my phone.
Please don't get me wrong. I have a life too. I check on gpa on occasion...not by the hr. I have a life too; work and have responsibilities. My grandpa and his sister just argue on the phone when it comes to his health matters and answering the phone.this is not fair. He has other family; why are they not helping? Saying alot; not much action? Sorry i am venting. And they are blasting my phone with calls and texts. My grandpa needs help at home; still declaring his independence even after this fall. He refuses an aide or any assistance. So his sister ordered him the lively medical alert pendent.
I am fed with the bickering between them. They need to compromise a way for them to communicate. It is not making life good for neither one of them. I am really hoping they can work it out; i am tired of being on the middle of their quarrel. Is she going to keep calling every single time he doesn't pick up the phone?I can't deal with this. I don't want their feud to put a strain on my life. How could I resolve this?
Thank you
4 Answers
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Sit down with grandpa and explain that even though pretty independent, his sister worries about him. That really isn't fair to her at her age. As his grandchild, you are limited in the help you can give. That these constant calls from your Aunt is getting too much. There needs to be a compromise. She calls at a certain time a day and he must answer that call. Her, she needs to back off. She can show concern for his health, but not get into arguments over it. He is 94 yrs old!
The only way you are going to have grandpa agree to having help, is to allow something to happen that HE realizes he needs it.
You don't say how far away from him you live, but sounds like fairly local... can you make an arrangement with a trusted neighbor to do a daily check on him? When my inlaws were having problems but being resistant to help, we lived 6 miles from them but I had 3 kids, and a full-time job with our family business so it wasn't easy to check daily. I asked their nextdoor neighbor to knock on their door daily on some pretense. I paid for a subscription to the newspaper and they'd ring their bell to hand it to them. Then the neighbor just texted me that all was well. Then one day it wasn't -- and that's how it will probably go for your grandpa.
Maybe you need to consider that his sister (presumably also very elderly) has memory issues and that's why she's calling you so often? Or the beginnings of dementia? At any rate, you are not obligated to answer her calls.
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Your grandfather wants to live (and die) at home. Respect that decision. He sounds like he's in his right mind, and if he chooses suffering over the hospital, then he does. You offered to help; he declined. Not everyone has to end up in a nursing home, you know?
Hang in there and live your life. This is not your job. Grandpa doesn't want it to be your job. Your sister can stuff it.
Would grandpa be agreeable to have one person call him each day at a set time?