Parent has been calling me names, like "witch" and other evil sounding labels.
I'm now responsible for cleaning and changing her diapers. It's becoming an ordeal because she just doesn't follow the same directions each time - it involves her turning onto her right side and then to her left side. I need her to do this so I can clean her, change bed pads and get her into a clean diaper - all at the same time.
She ends up cussing me out, sometimes trying to hit me, yelling "it hurts" (to turn), and then she finally ends up crying. I tell her time and time again, she needs to turn onto her left side (painful hip) quickly and it only involves less than 10 seconds, so I can pull the clean bed pad under her.
I'm starting to really dread going into her room. Tonite, she was sitting up in her bed calling me another evil name. She's scaring me. Later she said, "I'm supposed to be your Mother". I don't know what is expected of me, she needs to be changed every few hours, I'm doing what is necessary.
Yes, she has mild dementia (hasn't been graded yet).
21 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
If anything, she has anxiety and a mild calming med can be a huge help. Ultimately though? You need to consider both of your futures. Start looking for hired help or and possibly long term placement.
Unless she has soiled with feces you shouldn't need to change her that often.
If she is able to sit herself up in bed she should be able to sit up outside of bed in a chair or wheelchair... why is she spending all her time in bed?
You are causing her pain and as a result she is lashing out in the only was she can, perhaps a consult with an occupational therapist could help you find a better way to perform this task and provide care in general.
A care home has the ability to get her out of bed, to offer her real baths, social time in a dining room and activities, and there are 3 shifts of workers to handle all her needs... when someone is completely bed bound at home a nursing home is sometimes the kinder option.
ADVERTISEMENT
There comes a time when a caregiver has to hold up the white flag of surrender and admit they can't do this anymore. Now is your time, it sounds like. Lest you be among the statistics to die before the elder you're caring for, God forbid.
Get out of the line of fire and get mom into long term care where she can get 24/7 care by teams of people working in shifts to accomplish what YOU are trying to do ALONE.
Don't let this kill you, okay?
Your life is just as important as mom's, so please don't forget that.
It is up to you, she is unable to stop, and this will get even worse.
We also can't use COVID as an excuse anymore. Its here to stay like tge flu. So, time to go on with our lives. Yes, there is shortage of CNAs/aides but maybe you can find someone to come in a few hours a week to give you a break. Medicaid has an "in home" program.
Call her doctor and see if you can get some in home care. Someone who can teach you how to care for Mom to minimize her discomfort.
Please go to YouTube and watch some Teepa Snow videos so you can learn better, more productive and peaceful ways to interact with LOs who have dementia. The name-calling: just ignore it and remind yourself it is the dementia talking.
I would have someone else help her to see if she would behave the same. I’d look into something for her hip pain and have her dementia evaluated … and (toddler parenting tip) walk out every time she acts up with “I’ll come back when you calm down.” Do not give in. Even once or the beastie will make a power play to control the interaction.
Otherwise AL might be a necessary solution.
See All Answers