How do you talk to your physically challenged 80 year old mom about her putting on lots of weight from constantly eating?
If she continues like this I won't be able to be her caretaker anymore because she will be bedridden. There is no money to afford hired help or a place for mom.
If your mother is physically challenged, how does ahe get the food? Who brings it in for her? Does she order for herself? If you're hwer caregiver and she's physically disabled you're the one who is enabling her eating and her increasing obesity. Be honest with her and tell her exactly what you're saying here. That you will not be able to physically take care of her if she continues to gain weight. That she will have to go into a managed care facility that can provide for the care needs of m morbidly obese patients. Tell her it's not personal, but she will not be able to be cared for at home anymore.
You wrote this back in 2018: "I've been doing it all alone for years. Mom physically and mentally is going downhill. I've told my sister I need help, I've told her I'm overwhelmed. Now I have had a physical setback and need help myself all the while still trying to do for my mom."
and
"1/3 of her income or more is going to pay overdrafts, which then causes more overdrafts."
Has anything changed since 2018? How are you physically now? Even if you fully recovered, you are putting yourself at risk if you have to lift your mother in any way. (Is she in a wheelchair? Do you have to help her get up from bed? A chair? The toilet?) You could easily injure yourself well before the point she becomes totally bedridden.
What is your plan for when you can no longer take care of her? You say there is no money for help or a facility. Then what?
Are you ready to start investigating how to extricate yourself from this situation?
Your money was using 1/3 of her money for bank overdrafts. Is that still happening? What is her financial situation? Does she pay you anything? Do you live in her house, or vice-versa? Do you work?
Back in 2018, you also wrote: "I'm seeking professional help, got an appointment today, to help me with the stress of all of this." Did it help? Do you think you need it again to help you figure out next steps to extricate yourself from the situation? Your sister apparently extricated herself years ago -- you can do that, too.
🥰 i don’t know OP, but if you figure out this million dollar question, please tell me because i have the same problem as your mother. in fact, i look more and more like an m&m (mayyyybe related to the fact that i eat many m&m’s). 🙃
on a serious note: there can be many reasons someone over-eats…
your mother is: -lonely? -sad? -stressed? -enjoys food, can’t really do other activities, so eating is the only enjoyable activity? -some medicines’ side-effect is extreme hunger: my elderly LO went through a 3-month phase like this: really over-eating. never did that before in life. when the medicine was stopped, normal appetite returned.
i’m sure you already told your mother what you wrote in your post, and it didn’t work. she didn’t listen. it’s very hard to stop over-eating.
it’s kind of like any other bad habit. hard to stop, even if you figure out the cause.
what’s true is that, the more your life is filled with passion (activities you love), good company (people you love spending time with), the less you turn to food to solve your problems. it also helps to have the ABSENCE of some things, such as: stress, problems, being surrounded by mean people.
Sounds like eating is her pleasure. Does she enjoy doing anything else? Maybe she is thinking that she might enjoy what she can while she still can before she dies. But you certainly should not bear the consequences of her actions.
How is physically challenged 80 year old mom getting all this food? Can you limit what comes into her home, grocery wise?
Other than that, just tell her what you told us. That she's digging her grave with a knife and fork, which is her prerogative, but that you won't be able to care for her after a certain point. Meaning she'd have to apply for Medicaid and be placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility if she was unable to care for herself.
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If you're hwer caregiver and she's physically disabled you're the one who is enabling her eating and her increasing obesity.
Be honest with her and tell her exactly what you're saying here. That you will not be able to physically take care of her if she continues to gain weight. That she will have to go into a managed care facility that can provide for the care needs of m
morbidly obese patients. Tell her it's not personal, but she will not be able to be cared for at home anymore.
and
"1/3 of her income or more is going to pay overdrafts, which then causes more overdrafts."
Has anything changed since 2018? How are you physically now? Even if you fully recovered, you are putting yourself at risk if you have to lift your mother in any way. (Is she in a wheelchair? Do you have to help her get up from bed? A chair? The toilet?) You could easily injure yourself well before the point she becomes totally bedridden.
What is your plan for when you can no longer take care of her? You say there is no money for help or a facility. Then what?
Are you ready to start investigating how to extricate yourself from this situation?
Your money was using 1/3 of her money for bank overdrafts. Is that still happening? What is her financial situation? Does she pay you anything? Do you live in her house, or vice-versa? Do you work?
Back in 2018, you also wrote: "I'm seeking professional help, got an appointment today, to help me with the stress of all of this." Did it help? Do you think you need it again to help you figure out next steps to extricate yourself from the situation? Your sister apparently extricated herself years ago -- you can do that, too.
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on a serious note:
there can be many reasons someone over-eats…
your mother is:
-lonely?
-sad?
-stressed?
-enjoys food, can’t really do other activities, so eating is the only enjoyable activity?
-some medicines’ side-effect is extreme hunger: my elderly LO went through a 3-month phase like this: really over-eating. never did that before in life. when the medicine was stopped, normal appetite returned.
i’m sure you already told your mother what you wrote in your post, and it didn’t work. she didn’t listen. it’s very hard to stop over-eating.
it’s kind of like any other bad habit. hard to stop, even if you figure out the cause.
what’s true is that, the more your life is filled with passion (activities you love), good company (people you love spending time with), the less you turn to food to solve your problems. it also helps to have the ABSENCE of some things, such as: stress, problems, being surrounded by mean people.
hug!!
Other than that, just tell her what you told us. That she's digging her grave with a knife and fork, which is her prerogative, but that you won't be able to care for her after a certain point. Meaning she'd have to apply for Medicaid and be placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility if she was unable to care for herself.