I was visiting someone on Hospice yesterday (as a volunteer), and she was conscious enough to speak in one-word answers to my questions. I asked if she wanted to talk, and she said yes, then closed her eyes. My impression was that she wanted to hear my voice. I'm new at this, and my role with this person is companionship. She's got dementia.
Since I didn't know her well, and wasn't even sure she could hear me, I told her about a botanical garden I visited recently and described in a lot of detail how lovely it was. I also sang her a few songs, since her chart said she loved music. I spent about an hour and a half there.
My question is, what would you have me talk about with your loved one if I was their volunteer?
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I think just holding their hand to let them know they are not alone. If you and they are so inclined reading some comforting religious passages might be OK, but it would be hard to know what is acceptable without their input.
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If they can give 1 word answers, ask if they would like to hear Scripture. I found it soothed anyone that was obviously anxious.
What you did was perfect and precious. God Bless you for your care.
I had a friends that were in the hospital and for a couple of days before they died and I did about the same. I am no singer but I sang songs that I knew I could at least carry some what of a tune and I relived some of the things we did. I told what I thought was funny stories and told them I loved them.
Keep up the volunteering and I see you making a pleasant day of your visits!
I'm adding an edit to this - reading scripture would be a great thing to do too - Psalms is great because it is like poetry/songs!
You got some good suggestions. Did you not get training as a volunteer? Me, I would not like being read to. So, may want to check with family to see if its something the client would like. My Mom did not like to be touched in her final days. So I would ask about that too.
Your situation is one reason why I really urge families to write a short, one-page biography of their loved one to have by the side of their bed. I wrote one for my mother when she went into a nursing home, because she was so diminished from the dynamic woman she'd once been, and I wanted them to know her as she once was as well as how she currently was. She still had the same interests, just not the ability to get involved in them.
I wanted the caregivers to know something about her so they'd have topics for conversation. I wrote that she was a retired first grade teacher, a watercolor artist, and a former librarian who read six books a week until her vision failed. I told them that she grew up in the Southern California desert during the Depression and was the daughter of a banker and rancher and a housewife. I said where she went to college and told them to ask her to recite the nonsensical school cheer (which she could do until the day she died). I said she'd been happily married for 66 years to my dad, when he died, that she had two kids and four grandchildren.
Everything in the biography was a topic for conversation, and I asked the administrators to have all the caregivers read it and to post it in her room. They did, and the caregivers did a wonderful job with her because they KNEW her.
Most of the folks I visited were older, but I once had a young gentleman who had fallen many stories off a building and was now a quadriplegic, and bedridden and we would talk about heaven and how he would soon be getting a new body so he could run the streets of gold. He died shortly after that conversation.
And it is said that a persons hearing is the last sense to go, so sometimes them knowing that someone is near and that cares enough to spend time with them is good enough.
Sounds like you did a great job with the person you visited yesterday. I always asked the family what kind of music their loved one enjoyed so I could be prepared with something they enjoyed listening to. You could find out if they would like you to read something to them as well.
Keep up the good work.
How lovely of you to be doing Hospice volunteer companionship! Your company is invaluable for the clients and mean a lot to their families. (I'm a retired Hospice RN.)
Please say whatever you feel comfortable in speaking about, whether she's conscious and responding or not, she hears you and knows you're there. The singing is beautiful and soothing. You can talk about your life experiences, the happy ones, and most anything that light conversation would involve. You can reference family pictures around the home or cards, etc. if in a SNF. You could also play music if a family member informs of her tastes, otherwise, anything you wish to share of your favorites.
Just know that the time you spend with this patient is golden for all involved.
Do consider attending the eventual Memorial and or funeral services, it's something that we were always welcomed to do (and paid for) and this helped with the emotional closure of such poignant relationships as are developed in Hospice care.
Huge hugs!
A good friend of mine cared for her sister with Down’s Syndrome. Her sister also developed dementia at the end of her life. She had hospice workers and volunteers at her home on a regular basis.
When I attended the funeral I saw nurses, the social worker and volunteers at the service. My friend was comforted by their presence.