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Ranika Asked November 2022

Mother in denial. What can I do?

Hi. I recently thought it would be best if my mom moved back home to be closer to family. So, we planned to sell her house and I’d get her from Savannah to Louisiana. I came down to help pack and to get her out of nursing home for a few days and didn’t realize she had discharged herself. The closing got pushed back for the 3rd time. Not only did she tell me the closing was on the 22nd after I got her home is when she told me the closing got pushed back till the 28th. She just wanted to get out of the home. She couldn’t explain what was so wrong about the place. They treated her very well. The movers already packed up everything. I live in Atlanta. Therefore, she has nowhere to go. After all her antics and finally seeing her for what it is and take my emotions out of it all me and my brother both agreed that she needs to be in a home. I Had to basically beg her to call VA to get into another home because I am not capable of taking care of her anymore. The home she was in does not want her back. She is very negative and in denial about her situation. She’s not able to do anything on her own. I’m ready to go back home but in the meantime, we are waiting for a phone call from the VA for a bed to open up. I am so stressed out. I try to make sure she is ok and in the best situation, but she always does something to mess everything up. Now I feel stuck and don’t know what to do.

CTTN55 Dec 2022
You will have to tell us more. You're in Atlanta, yet she was to move to Louisiana? Is that where your brother lives?

If she signed herself out of the home she was in (SNF? Was that a VA facility?), she is deemed to be mentally competent? So where are the two of you staying now? A hotel? (And who is paying for that?)

It seems that she has dumped it all on you. And from your statement "...but she always does something to mess everything up..." she's done this before.
Ranika Dec 2022
I live in Atlanta, I came down to Savannah to help her move to louisiana. We are currently in a hotel. She is paying. I refuse because I feel like she made this mess she gotta pay for it. My brother lives in Savannah in an apartment.
yes is what a VA facility.
Beatty Dec 2022
I'm confused. Where is Mom now? What are her plans?

When did you plan to go home?

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97yroldmom Nov 2022
This sounds a hot mess. I’m not sure I followed it all. Your mom is making decisions without speaking to you and your brother first and then expecting you to clean up the fall out? Is that basically it? And it has left her homeless for the moment?
Are you wanting her to move near you in Atlanta? Stay in Savanah or move to La? Is their a VA facility in any of these locations that she qualifies for?
Do you and/or brother have her POA? Her bio says she is 27. Is that yourself or a typo?
She discharged herself so she is capable to make her own decisions?
What does she want to do?
If she is competent you may have to explain to her under what circumstances you are willing to help and get the ground rules straight. If she seems confused please try to get her to her medical team for evaluation and to certified elder attorney to secure her assets for her retirement.
‘Give a few more details for better feedback.

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