My mom is living by herself overseas and I have a cousin who takes really good care of her. One problem both of us are facing is that she doesn't bathe. She says she is but she is not, either because she doesn't remember (dementia) or she is too embarrassed. She's pretty mobile and physically OK. We have tried all sorts of tricks from asking to telling to saying it's doctor's orders but she has been dodging all of them with excuses. She gets very defensive if we say she hasn't bathed. We're out of ideas. Any help?
Thanks so much.
Mea.
3 Answers
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First
Your cousin could use a commode for a shower chair without the bowl under it in order to be able to access her ladybits. A hand-held sprayer is a must, too.
Plus there are fears involved. There is always the fear of falling. Some with Alzheimer's/Dementia do not like how the shower feels on their skin. Some develop claustrophobia if the shower is small, and even if there are glass doors.
Taking a tub bathe is also a challenge as stepping into the tub and sitting down is not always easy. And it is even more difficult to try to stand up without falling over. I have to grab the soap dish handle and I wonder how soon it will dislodge itself from the wall.
Another thing, it's embarrassing when a love one tries to help the elder with showering/bathing. Sometimes it is easier to hire a caregiver who just gives bathes to help out.
I remember when my Dad was making excuses about not showering. His caregiver told me she put her hands on her hips and said "Mr. Bob, I raised a houseful of boys, there isn't anything I haven't already seen". That got Dad laughing and it was smooth sailing after that.
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It may also be time to realize that mom should not be living by herself.
So the options are
Full time caregiver
Moving in with your cousin or cousin moving in with mom
Looking for Memory Care facility that she can move into.
Quite often an "outsider" like a caregiver can get a person to do things like bathing that a family member can not get them to do.
When you think about taking a shower...sounds easy right and you do it automatically but...with dementia you have to "remember"...
take off your clothes
turn on the water
adjust the temperature
get into the shower
(once in it is scary, slippery and the water is beating you on the head and chest and it is noisy)
now you have to get your head wet
get shampoo
lather your head, rinse
get conditioner, rinse
lather a cloth
wash your body
rinse
turn off the water
get out, and don't slip and fall
dry
get dressed.
This is a simplified version of the steps that you might have to do to shower. This is a lot to remember, if you have dementia that is a lot to forget. Not to mention being frightened of the water and of falling.
And I have to ask is the bathroom "safe"?
Grab bars by the toilet? By the shower? In the shower?
Remove towel bars by the tub and or shower, those will be held onto for support and if they are not true grab bars they will get ripped off the wall. Replace the towel bars with true grab bars.
She most likely will begin to resist other ADL's and will need more help.