I need to get my 92 yr old mom into AL. She has dementia and is almost completely blind. I can’t care for her in my home any longer. She will resist, any advice?
Here is a suggested way to go ahead: first get an assessment of the level of care she needs. If it’s still AL, make sure that the facility can transfer her to higher care levels without fuss, when and if it’s needed. Choose the facility that will suit her, and make your visits easy.
Then take her for lunch there a couple of times. Tell her it’s a hotel that’s very popular with older people. Then ask the AL for advice about how to go ahead. And there are lots of old threads on this site about the same situation, with ideas.
For the actual transfer, perhaps you could persuade her to have a couple of days in the ‘hotel’. While she is there, get her own room set up with her own furniture (and furniture layout, as she is almost blind and needs to know where things are). Then move her to it -it’s just like home! She may be confused, and may be angry. Most facilities suggest not visiting for a week or two, while the LO gets used to the new routine. Perhaps you can say that you have to go out of state while she is at the hotel. With luck (for both of you) the difference between home, hotel and AL will blur.
At least this is a way you could consider. It’s never easy, for everyone involved. Yours, Margaret
If you haven’t already, you may want to break down the goal of getting your mom into care. What are the steps? What resources do you have where you live? What would a successful placement look like for her? For you? If you know all that, you may also need to figure out logistically HOW to get someone resistant out. In our case, we can’t sedate Mom, so it’s a physical challenge. Things like that.
“Move Mom” can be a short sentence that takes ages, so at least I needed to have smaller, intermediate goals so I didn’t lose hope.
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Then take her for lunch there a couple of times. Tell her it’s a hotel that’s very popular with older people. Then ask the AL for advice about how to go ahead. And there are lots of old threads on this site about the same situation, with ideas.
For the actual transfer, perhaps you could persuade her to have a couple of days in the ‘hotel’. While she is there, get her own room set up with her own furniture (and furniture layout, as she is almost blind and needs to know where things are). Then move her to it -it’s just like home! She may be confused, and may be angry. Most facilities suggest not visiting for a week or two, while the LO gets used to the new routine. Perhaps you can say that you have to go out of state while she is at the hotel. With luck (for both of you) the difference between home, hotel and AL will blur.
At least this is a way you could consider. It’s never easy, for everyone involved. Yours, Margaret
If you haven’t already, you may want to break down the goal of getting your mom into care. What are the steps? What resources do you have where you live? What would a successful placement look like for her? For you? If you know all that, you may also need to figure out logistically HOW to get someone resistant out. In our case, we can’t sedate Mom, so it’s a physical challenge. Things like that.
“Move Mom” can be a short sentence that takes ages, so at least I needed to have smaller, intermediate goals so I didn’t lose hope.
If you are in the US, good first contacts might be
* Alzheimer’s Association — https://www.alz.org/24/7 helpline or 800.272.3900
* An area agency on aging — https://acl.gov/programs/aging-and-disability-networks/area-agencies-aging
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