Solutions, not suggestions.

Love what Grandma1954 said "Solutions come when suggestions are taken and put into action."

And to her post you reply "Thank you , but they are too old to be driving , and health issues keep them occupied"

I understand, the paperwork is overwhelming last thing I wanted to deal with once I was retired. But to get what you need you have to do the work first. Sorry, there is no one who is going to take your hand and lead you there or do the work for you.

First thing you can to do is get Dad into Longterm care with Medicaid paying the bill if there is no money. When my Moms money was running out, I took her out of the AL when she had about 20k left. That paid for 2 months of LTC which gave me time to apply for Medicaid and get them all info needed. Medicaid started the 3rd month.

Grandma talked about Daycare. She did not mean they drive themselves there. Daycare picks them up, feed them breakfast and lunch and brings them back later. Would give you some "me" time.

Social Services...see if your parents qualify for "in home care" thru Medicaid. (You may be able to be paid to care for them) Or even place Dad or both into LTC. Medicaid pays for Daycare.

Office of Aging can evaluate and may have resourses.

VA...if your Dad, or even Mom, served during Wartime, they may be able to get Aids and Attendance to help pay for their care.

Yes these are all suggestions, the solution comes when you do the footwork. Help is out there, you just to need to look for it and be willing to do what needs to be done to accomplish it.

And I do know what I am talking about. I have gone to every agency above. I have filled out all the forms, gotten everything needed and done the footwork. Mom is gone but she was well cared for in LTC. I have a disabled nephew who is doing well on his own. He has SSD, a Special Needs Trust, housing voucher and coordinators because I found the people he needed and filled out the forms. Yep, it was overwhelming at times but he is now independent. Not relying on me anymore than he needs to.

Its all up to you.

Is dad a Veteran? If so the VA might be of help. Check with the local Veterans Assistance Commission. They can help get started and they do not charge a fee for the services they provide.
Have you checked with the local Senior Services or Senior Center to talk to someone to see if he or mom would qualify for any help.
Is there an Adult Day program that mom or dad would go to. It would get them out of the house. It would give you a break and would get them some stimulation and participation in activities.
Would either be eligible for Medicaid?
Check your local Area Agency on Aging there may be other programs that they would be eligible for.

Sorry these are "suggestions" not "solutions"
Solutions come when suggestions are taken and put into action.

"So, this is my dilemma."

Is it?
Your folks need to sort their living arrangents out. Pronto.

You CAN actually leave.. unless you are tired up in a basement? I jest.. but what do you see IS keeping you held as your parents full-time assistant? Start with that. Yes it is a suggestion.

I know you asked for a *solution*. Solutions start by assessing each suggestion & choosing the best fit. Reality is no fairy arrives with a magic wand with a solution.

Your profile says,
"Can't afford assistant living anymore so my dad is coming back home . I take care of my mom and now my dad too . I can't hold a job and have no life because of this . I have no family or friends to help . It is too much for me to handle. I receive no help cause it's a pain in the ass to get any . I am spending everything I saved and still can't get ahead . Who do you trust ? Someone is always trying to rip you off . I shouldn't even post this but I'm running out of options . Only reply if you have a solution , not an suggestion ."

Nobody on an internet forum can offer you 'solutions' to your situation, only suggestions. It's up to you to put suggestions into action and arrive at your own solutions, as Grandma1954 said in her comment to you.

You receive no help cause it's 'such a pain in the azz to get'.........which means what? You hire someone through an agency to come into the home to work for you? You use your parents income to pay for the help, and that gives you a break. I don't know who's been trying to 'rip you off'? But if you hire caregivers through an agency, you may have a better experience than trying to hire them on your own.

You can also use your parent's income to pay for a consultation with an Elder Care attorney to see if they qualify for Medicaid; if so, you can place them together in a Skilled Nursing Facility for long term care since they suffer from dementia. You're right; one person can't take care of two elders with dementia, it's literally impossible w/o a lot of help & support.

As also said, if your dad was a war time vet, he may qualify for Aid & Attendance benefits through the V.A. The Elder Care attorney can help you figure that out, too.

I think your best bet would be to apply for Medicaid on behalf of your parents to get them both into long term care together. See what the requirements and income limits are in your state, and go from there. If dad can't afford AL anymore, what was your plan for him when his funds ran out? You had to have known he only had X amount of dollars to last X amount of time and then he'd be coming back home again....? In any event, you should not be financing their lives; their own funds should be used for their care, and if there isn't enough income coming in from their own resources, Medicaid would be the ideal way to finance their care moving forward.

Best of luck.

The SOLUTION is to get them both approved for Medi-Cal.

Tall to the Social Worker atvthe AL or the local Medi-Cal office if there is no SW.

Do NOT spend your own money on their care.

Contact your local area's Agency on Aging for guidance and also the Dept of Health and Human Resources for his county to speak to a social worker. They can come give an in-home needs assessment for services. Nothing will cover full-time but it is better than nothing.

Every time someone tells her something she doesn't want to hear, she tells them to shut up.

I'm calling troll.

“Solution” and “Happy Ending for Everybody” may or may not be mutually exclusive.

RyMe2022: In my humble OPINION, perhaps both your parents will have to file for Medicaid. That was a suggestion as I do not possess the wherewithal for solutions.

More details might help. Your caring for mom but only dad is in AL. If there's a money problem can they apply for medicaid? If you can't work how are you currently surviving. I understand you are burned out and overwhelmed with everything. Good luck