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XenaJada Asked December 2022

How to motivate him to eat?

My FIL (age 82) has always been a very strong person, always fought his way though any surgery or illness, very determined to get strong. He has always done well with recovery. Except for now.


 


He has CHF and got sick with pneumonia. If that wasn't bad enough, in the middle of that, he developed a bowel obstruction which required emergency surgery! He was in the ICU for over a week and developed delirium. He largely snapped out of the delirium, but now is on his third week in the hospital and he is extremely depressed, sleepy and will barely eat. He will converse some.


 


He acknowledges that he knows he needs to eat, but says he is too tired. He is very weak and won't be strong enough to even attempt rehab until he eats and gains a little strength. He won't drink Ensure or even a tasty milkshake or smoothie.


 


Has your loved one been in this situation? How did you get them to eat?

XenaJada Dec 2022
***UPDATE***

My FIL died this morning, Christmas day.
MeDolly Dec 2022
So very sorry for your loss.
XenaJada Dec 2022
Also, God bless everyone here who is going through tough times with their loved ones. You are not alone.
indubuque Jan 2023
Thank you. I needed this today.

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Fawnby Dec 2022
It appears as if he has given up. Maybe his body is shutting down. You can choose to respect his body and his voiced wishes, or you can choose to keep trying to make him eat. Generally, that's not so successful. It's up to him, really. I wish you peace in this situation.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 2022
Xena, would it be appropriate to get a swallow study?

Long story short, my FIL, in the hospital with kidney issues stopped eating. We got a psych consult, who ordered a speech consult.

He'd had a stroke and couldn't swallow, nor could he explain. Just said "I can't eat".

XenaJada Dec 2022
Thank you to everyone for the warm wishes and condolences. It has been a hard 2 days.

Thankfully a lot of his family are traveling from out of state to attend the funeral and I think this will lift everyone’s spirits. They are a lively bunch.

AlvaDeer Jan 2023
Xena, so sorry to hear about your loss. Had just written that it may be time to consider hospice, as that failing heart pump just would be unlikely to improve. Then I came back and saw the update that your FIL had passed.
It is so hard to understand that our elders can come to that time when they just long for peace and rest. I am sorry to know you are grieving the loss of your FIL now. I so remember my Dad just longing to go. He had had a good life and was so ready. My heart goes out to you all.

97yroldmom Dec 2022
I hand fed them. If he has an appetite at all he will accept it. Some broth and then warm jello to start. Even a very few bites will help. Pull up a chair and take it slow and easy.
Pay attention to how much he is taking so you can tell if he is making progress.
I am always watchful for swallowing issues so ask about a speech therapist. You don’t want him to aspirate.
When my cousins mom had COVID, she had to use a dropper to help her. Believe him when he says he is tired.
I am sorry you and FIL are going through this.
It is hard.

Cover999 Dec 2022
Went through the same with my mom. She suddenly did not want to eat, even her favorites. She did not last much longer and passed within a couple months.

Sorry for you and your dad

Prayers

Isthisrealyreal Dec 2022
Xena, I am so sorry for your family.

May The Lord give you all grieving mercies, comfort and peace.
XenaJada Dec 2022
Thank you. Tough day for sure!
He was a good man.
funkygrandma59 Dec 2022
Sounds like your FIL has been through a lot in his life and perhaps now he's just tired and has had enough.
When a persons body is preparing for the death journey, it will not want any food or drink as the digestive system is the first to shut down and it can be very painful for either to be forced upon them.
Perhaps it's time to call hospice in and let your FIL die in peace and on his own terms.
God bless you and your family.

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