Calendar issues. Have others taken the calendar away to ease the confusion?

The last several months have worsened for us. My husband began in October telling me Happy Birthday (Nov. 9). A friend helped him pick out a card and I finally let him give it to me a few days early. He then began asking what time we were going to our son's for Thanksgiving dinner. We finally got through that and he began wanting to know when we would open presents. On Christmas Day I told him Merry Christmas and he responded with Happy New Year! At least he still had them in the right sequence.

A good while back I had to stop letting him know about events too far ahead because he would get anxious about when we would go. Once he even got in the car way to early to go somewhere. Our neuro-psychologist suggested a monthly calendar to give him a concept of time. That worked for a while.

Because of what happened with the holidays we are trying this... our son gave him a one day at a time with jokes on it that we keep by his chair and he is enjoying that but not sure he tunes into the calendar aspect. Our daughter-in-law gave me an erasable magnetic refrigerator calendar. I am using it only for birthdays and X out each day to try and answer his questions of when the day is coming. She also gave me an erasable magnetic to-do calendar that I have beside the monthly one that I write the day at the top and then list the events of the day... time caregiver is coming and leaving, where I will be going, etc. Then I bought him the large wall One Day Calendar that I will put in the bedroom. I am hoping that having the day and date visible in several areas and letting him remove the previous day he will be more in tune. It has slowed down him asking me what day it is so it seems to be helping... for now!

Last year he received a digital calendar with the day, time and temp but I am not sure he ever totally comprehended how to read it because it would be near him and he would still ask the day and time. It wasn't very large so I may still try a large one to see if that helps.

He has always been a huge history buff and we could count on him remember dates not only in history but also in our genealogy and day to day family history. It is sad to see him lose a part of himself that made all of us proud. It is also amazing to see him still remember various historical dates... even now we don't doubt his accuracy except when he refers to the here and now. I hate to think of the day he will be oblivious to any of this but worse if he feels the need to be aware but can't comprehend.

Alexa Show or other medle with a face is your answer. An Alexa with a screen that always has the date, time on the screen. My Mother loves it. It’s not as “busy” looking as a calendar with appointments for entire months all day. It’s only one day at a time.

Also, if you add your parent’s Alexa Show to your Alexa family account you can add:

Stickee reminders
Appointments
Calming Routines
Drink Water Routines
”I am coming over “ reminder
Doctor appt today reminder with date and time
Reminder to take medicines
Events
calming sleep music
Sleep stories to fall asleep to
A schedule for example: 9am take vitamins. 9:15am eat banana with cranberry juice and toast 10:15 am Stretch exercises in couch, 10:30 am Call daughter. 11:30-12:30 Meals on Wheels.

and so on.

Alexa is great for caretakers and family to protone a positive, organized, not visually busy set of clear orientating info and appointments. It also has a “Drop In” so you can see your loved one to check on them. You can also add new photos.

You can do all these reminders, schedules, photos, events, relaxation and breathing exercise events, medicine reminders and more from your smart phone and /or computer in an Alexa app or Alexa account online for FREE after you buy the Alexa Shoe or Alexa 15.

You do NOT need to be present to change reminders, music, updates, schedule and photos after your first set up at elderly person’s home.

best part is there is NO subscribtion fee and it’s relative inexpensive to buy. They are currently on sale for maybe $65-80.

Also, we made a list for our mother to interact and make Alexa her friend. It’s a list of things my Mother can ask Alexa that are if interest you my Mum.

For example, Alexa what is the weather in Glasgow, Scotland (since my Mother was born and raised there). What is the joke of the day? When was my last doctors appointment? When is my next doctor’s appointment. It’s a life saver for caretakers having to enable in long winded, redundant discussions of dates and schedules. It’s a friend for the elderly person who likes to asked lots of questions.

Only thing is, it must stay plugged in. My mum unplugged things to save electricity. They always outsmart or foil us in ways we never imagined don’t they. Yet, I tell her electricity is free for her age and she leaves it plugged in, enjoying her Alexa Show. When I call she is happy and remarks in seeing the beautiful family photos or photos of herself as a child. It lifts her spirits.

NO. I am not invested in nor work for Amazon nor Alexa. I just try to find work arounds as the only caregiver, to help make things easier for myself and yet fun and efficient for Mum.

Amazon Alexa Show which is under $100 and 15 which is more expensive, will make things easier for couple years depending on stage of Dimentia.

If she does not understand the calendar or a clock don't subject her to the confusion and anxiety they might bring.
If she has an appointment tell her when it is appropriate to tell her. For some people telling them in the morning of the appointment for others the day be fore is alright. If I had told my Husband he had a doctors appointment "tomorrow" that would have been meaningless. Telling him as I was helping him into his coat that he had a doctors appointment would have been plenty.
You know mom, you can gauge how she reacts.
One other point...if mom is living alone it might be time to rethink that and either move in with her, she move in with you (neither great options) or Memory Care.

Hi cjsquilts, I haven't seen any issues with reading the calendar with my mom. My mom at this time still looks at each day on the calendar. It's one that I rip a page of for each day and put it on my mom's table.

It will be change in personality. so it will be a clear sign to me that things have changed, if she stops reading it.

I have to still remind my mother of appointment dates and other important dates, I am her calendar for things like this. The page I rip off just has the date and the day of the week on it.

Keep posting we like hearing from you and your experiences.

Love & Peace.

I had a BIG calendar on Moms frig. My cousin owns a printing shop and makes desk calendars for his clients. I would remove a sheet and tape it to the frig. This is where I put Moms daily stuff but as u say, after while she would not look at it. Telling time was bad, so my daughter gave her a digital with 2 in numbers. She eventually could not read that.

If your MIL is living alone with no Caregiver, she needs one. Either that, or you need to place her. At this point she should not be left alone.

My brother placed a white board on our step-mothers refrigerator (before we moved her to MC), anyway he would write everything down for her, he would leave and she would wipe it off as she claimed it was for the previous month or year sometimes.

We removed it, we would remind her when we would pick her up for doctors appointments, even call when we left our homes, we would get there and she would either be eating in the DR or not dressed.

Now we use the in-house doctor, we gave up. Her mind is gone.

My mom started having anxiety issues over appointments with
home health visits to doctor appointments. She liked knowing before hand.

She became obsessed with who was coming over, what time, what day and so on.

Even when I wrote it down for her and taped it to her vanity mirror or she had me write it down in her calendar (her Parkinson’s tremors prevented her from writing) she would still ask me about it over and over.

She wouldn’t remember asking about it previously but would say, “Honey, I forget things. You may have told me before but please tell me again when my next appointment is.”

If you think removing the calendar will help, then try removing it. She may still ask you about certain dates.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

I hadn't thought about the inability to look at a calendar or clock and not have it make 'sense' to you. One more lousy piece of the puzzle that is aging.

I think my MIL has hit a wall of some kind. SIL was saying that she'll go to pick her up for Drs appts and she won't have remembered about it, even with a reminder call from the Drs AND SIL.

A few years ago she fell asleep and slept from about 1 pm to 6 pm--woke up and thought it was the next day. But..no newspaper on the porch, Morning news is not on, it's getting dark outside--and none of those OBVIOUS things even touched anything in her brain that maybe she's just had a great nap. (Her excuse was that she is incapable of sleeping and that couldn't have happened.)

She actually called the newspaper and they brought her another copy of the days' paper. Even with THAT, she was convinced it was a new day.

She wasn't embarrassed by this, she was MAD. Like the entire world was playing a joke on her. This has happened a number of times since and she falls for it every time.

It's not funny, and upsetting as all get out for her.

DH and I had a discussion today--I said "I think your mom needs to get some in-home help, besides your poor sister who is taking 99% of the burden and it is really getting to her. Your sister looks like death on toast". MIL doesn't see it.

I stand on the outside, looking and I am heartbroken for SIL who just gives and does too much. Dh said he was going to plan to do more when he retires next month. I hope he is good to his word.

In truth, she needs to be in a facility, but that will NEVER happen. She falls a lot, so we know how that can play out. Nothing will happen until she is actually hurt enough to need a lot of care.

I don’t know your proximity to your MIL. I saw my mother every day and, during those few months when I tried to get her a caregiver, she was beyond understanding a calendar. I made a big bright sign stating that a caregiver was coming and would help her with her laundry, tidy her house and cook her lunch. That worked for almost two months, then she ignored the sign.

A person's (any person's) mental competence is often measured by their
orientation to person, place, or time.

Time is the day, date, and clock time, a.m./p.m., and as you said, the time her caregiver comes.

Your Mil has lived by her calendar. Assist her in any way you can to keep her routines, awareness and understanding up. Unless she is getting upset by this.
Keeping it simple could help.

Maybe fix the broken Senior Calendar as a priority. Even so, if she cannot always understand it, she will have moments or times of clarity and it should be there for her to see. Also available are audio calendars, and daily telephone calls to wake you up, remind you of an appointment that day, or just tell you the date and time.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Writing this to everyone, as I go on and on.....

Most cognitively challenged persons may lose a few hours, or miss what day it is. Retaining the ability to check calendars, clocks, appointment times in order to re-orient oneself is really an important skill.

I practice writing the new year's date so when paying bills, I do not mistakenly write the last year's date. Some very functional people who are just lazy will continue to write last year's date into March of the new year, about the same time they have family come in and take down the Christmas Tree as it has become a fire hazard.

If no one has noticed, there is an entire world-wide effort to remove the time and dates, especially on social media and the news. (Even here on the AgingCare forum). Have you ever tried to search for information about a local fire now and found you are reading two years ago news report? Hard to tell if you cannot find the date. Articles by AgingCare experts no longer have dates.

Instead of removing the access to the time and dates, increase your efforts to stay alert, informed, and living in the present time.

I will fight with everything I have to promote the accurate use of the time and date. Who cares? People who have been gaslighted, prisoners tortured and brain-washed, and many others.

12/23/2022 12:20 p.m. noon PST.

A calendar has outlived its usefulness, as has the Alzheimer's clock, most likely. A human prompt is all your MIL can probably manage these days, and a full time, live in caregiver as well, since she shouldn't be alone at all anymore with advanced AD at play. It's too dangerous.

I had bought an Alzheimer's clock for my mother (along with a dry erase white board) to have in her Memory Care AL suite. The clock sat right in front of her recliner so she could easily see it and know what day it was, date, time and whether it was AM or PM. As time progressed, she forgot to look at the clock and if she did, the info staring back at her made no sense. Such is the nature of dementia and AD, unfortunately. It robs a person of all their reasoning and memory skills.

This website is a good thing, I agree with you. And I hope things work out with your MIL, too. Best of luck.

You already answered your own question, when you said that she now gets confused by her calendar, so why put something in front of her that will only cause her confusion?
And if mom lives alone, perhaps it's time to be thinking about placing her in the appropriate facility where she won't have to worry about what day the caregiver is coming as they will be with her 24/7.