My 87-year-old father believes dreams are real. Any advice?

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mevans71 Asked December 2022

My 87-year-old father believes dreams are real. Any advice?

It started in October when he left the house twice living out a dream (in one dream walking 4 blocks to find his car which was in the garage and 2nd one getting into his car to drive to a clinic and speak to a nurse who disappeared after the power went out). In both scenarios he was awake, but completely in denial when I disagreed on what was going on with him. Two days later he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia which doctors blamed for the two incidents.
Fast forward to today and he still has these dreams that he thinks are real. He told me the other day while we were working on putting together Christmas cards for the mail that my brother had called and told him he "did something he had never done before," and spent $100k. He ordered a new truck and my dad could not remember what my brother had told him he spent the other half on. I told him I thought that sounded like one of his dreams and he agreed to call my brother and together we spoke with him and of course this never happened. The level of detail he can recall is crazy!!
One morning he asked me "if the girls had spent the night?" I asked him what girls because all I have are boys in my house - him, my husband, my son and me. He went into this elaborate story about these girls who were over and how loud they were etc... I said no, no one slept here last night that was a girl but me. He seems confused still when I tell him it was a dream.
He naps most of the day and he is very animated. I will watch him go from having a conversation with the family to asleep in seconds. His arms will move, he might put his hand over his mouth, sometimes he leans forward in his chair and moves his mouth like he is talking. This goes on all day every day. Last night he fell asleep like this and he woke up and looked at my brother and said, "where did they put all the bacon?" When we inquired he said, "Everyone was in the store buying bacon, but they never left the store with it. Where is all the bacon?" This event from wake to sleep to asking this question was probably around 4-5 minutes.
I am providing some different scenarios here, because I don't understand what is going on with him. I have googled many things and it doesn't appear as a symptom for dementia or Alzheimer's. I have told his GP about it and he sent him to a sleep doctor who dx him with severe sleep apnea which we already knew.
I am very worried he is going to act one of these out again. What is going on with him?

Delusions Family Caregiver Sleep Issues

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score 3 · Answer 1

Sounds like my mom. She was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Right before she was diagnosed, she dreamed someone was breaking in her house and she actually got her pistol out and shot a hole in the wall.

Helpful Answer (3)

Oh. my gosh. That’s wild!

My friend’s dad placed his wife in a facility when she chased him around the house with a kitchen knife in her hand. She thought that he was an intruder. It’s so sad and extremely frightening.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Hallucinations and delusions are a huge part of Dementia. You need to video his episodes and have him evaluated for medication.

Try not to deny his experiences, but use "Therapeutic Lying" to assist with the situation.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Imho the first thing to do is take safety precautions inside the house. Dreams/hallucinations/imagining may seem harmless in themselves but they may cause dangerous behaviors such as wandering, overdosing medications or anything else, harming pets, destroying/discarding important things/papers, making 911 calls, etc. My mom's dreams/hallucinations caused all of these things and more. One thing she does is open/close lock/unlock doors to keep the imaginary little boy out. She is a fall risk every time she gets out of bed/recliner to check a door, especially at night. She has fallen a number of times. She is often trying to contain our cats in her room all day and night with no food or water, imagining that they are lost. All related to various dangerous situations she dreamed/hallucinated/imagined. It is very real to her and she reacts accordingly. I just have to make sure she cannot harm herself or others, or anything else.
I would definitely seek doctor's advice on possible causes and medications to help. In mom's case, lorazepam helps calm her and keep the dangerous activity under control.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Medication, Dementia, and Age can all cause this. My Step Father In Law started with the real life dreams after a surgical procedure when he was 89. It never totally went away. Sometimes you just have to play along or say I don’t know. Don’t feel like you have to have answers for everything he imagines. I know it’s troubling to you. I would video him and share it discretely with his doctor, as well as get him checked out physically, mentally, and discuss possible drug interactions. A medication that works well for one person, can have a completely different outcome for another. When my Dad was living when Dementia/Alzheimer’s, any medication would make him hallucinate. My Step Father did well on those medications with his Dementia/Alzheimer’s.

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This is absolutely true. Meds affect everyone differently. Just because one person has a negative reaction doesn’t mean that a person shouldn’t at least try it if their doctor is recommending it.

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score 0 · Answer 5

mevans71: A woman I worked with could not keep her job as she constantly fell asleep on the job. The reason why she was so exhausted was that she suffered from narcolepsy. Perhaps your father does also.

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score 1 · Answer 6

Sounds like hallucinations, rather than dreams. Perhaps you can have a Geriatric Psychiatrist review his medications go from there to evaluate him.

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score 0 · Answer 7

There not real? My dreams seem real to me.

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score 0 · Answer 8

You may want to have him assessed by a Geriatric Specialist and /or a Neurologist and have them include appropriate cognitive assessment tests to better determine his neurological and cognitive status. A GP doesn't sound like an appropriate route at this point. You can access the specialists yourself based on insurance that he has. Or you can request the GP and insist that he/she refer him to one or both of these specialists. Safety is the big issue here. As well as his best care and your well being and peace of mind also.

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score 2 · Answer 9

I would like to suggest that he is hallucinating, not dreaming. Please video him and schedule an appointment with a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can evaluate and medicate if that is indicated.

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score 1 · Answer 10

Ck the meds if there's a problem with the mixing.
My mother had crazy dreams swearing the were real.
I think gabapentien (sp) plays a part in it.

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score 0 · Answer 11

My 91 year old father also has a slow transition from dreaming to waking and the dream lingers and seems real. He also sees things that aren't there when awake and they feel real. It is very disorienting for him.

Things that made it worse are taking gabapentin, and having cognitive decline related to age and also Parkinson's. He is now on seroquel to reduce the hallucinations and it does help make them not as severe. However this drug does have a black box warning for increased risk of heart attack or stroke. It's better for his mental well being to have fewer hallucinatory dreams and delusions.

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My mom had Parkinson’s disease too. She took Sinemet. Adding Seroquel and Ativan was a huge help for her.

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score 3 · Answer 12

Great answer from "Ohwow323". That will rule out everything else to narrow it down to Dementia.
My mom started believing that the people on TV (News, TV shows, etc.) were talking to her and could see her. That was one of her first signs of dementia.
I also purchased this door lock when the wandering started (link): Amazon.com: Improved Childproof Door Lever Lock (2 Pack) Prevents Toddlers From Opening Doors. Easy One Hand Operation for Adults. Durable ABS with 3M Adhesive Backing. Simple Install, No Tools Needed (White, 2) : Baby

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score 4 · Answer 13

Get door/window alarms. Check his medication - they could be interacting with each other. Have a physical, test for UTI.

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score 1 · Answer 14

My mom had Alzheimer's, and her doc told me that sometimes, it can be a long transition from dreaming to reality, with an Alzheimer's brain, so if she had a bad dream in which I did something that she didn't like, in the morning, she could be very rude to me, about nothing. A few hours later, she was her usual sweet self. I'm not saying it's the same diagnosis with your dad, I'm just sharing this information. Once, my mom said that she rescued kids from the ocean. If it was a nice dream, I didn't care if she ever snapped back to reality, but when I was cursed at, I couldn't wait for her to become more "herself." Best of luck.

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score 1 · Answer 15

I watched my mom progress from thinking they are "more real than reality" (how normal ppl might describe a super vivid dream where youre smelling hearing tasting) into them being real. The only time I can see that she knows they're not real is when she's not been on any morphine in the past 36 hours. As she is on hospice tho and is out of breath constantly, it is a catch-22 .. suffer, or be comfortable breathing throughout the day and have some mild delusions where "I never knew your friend were my friends and all this time we never knew!" plus "All last summer I was moved from house to house!".

I am a wildly vivid dreamer. Not looking forward to the next 40 years ;0

She's also aware now that she can turn into "night-time mom" and night-time mom now knows to just listen to me no matter how crazy I sound and now much what I say conflicts with her 'current reality'. (Believe me, you ARE in our apartment.)

Seroquel has stopped the addition of more "new" dreams. I think she's on a very low dose, that's p much all it took.

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Caldinea,

My mom had vivid dreams too. I would hear her screaming at people in her sleep. A couple of times I had to wake her up. She thanked me for waking her up from a nightmare.

Seroquel worked extremely well for my mom. She was trying to walk out of the front door in the middle of the night.

Once Seroquel was prescribed, that behavior stopped.

(3)

score 1 · Answer 16

Is he sleep walking?? Check with his doctor about his behavior.

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score 2 · Answer 17

Have any meds been changed or added? My LO had vivid dreams on a regular basis. There was a new med (low dose for pain) added to her regiment and her dreams became reality to her almost immediately. Thank goodness, we were able to talk to the doctor and explain the changes, advocate for them, and inquire about alternatives. Plus, the doctor was responsive and understanding enough to explain possibilities and changed the med.

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Great point! My Dad started with dreams like these when he went on Tramadol for knee pain. MD took him off when we mentioned the dreams.

(2)

score 3 · Answer 18

Get a pcp focused on elders or seek out an aging care facility if you have that in your area. At this stage it seems less about sleep apnea specialist and more about dementia and safety. my dad has dementia also dreams and ‘plays’ in that altered state. my husband and I play along. He will orient well and often realize its confusion or bridge it to today. We no longer flinch, care, try to redirect, etc.

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score 7 · Answer 19

Thinking dreams are real is a form of delusions/hallucinations that occurs with some dementia patients. Early in my father’s illness he thought that his dreams were real and would wake my poor mother up so that she could help him with whatever he believed to be happening.
As the dementia progressed, he moved on and does not appear to have that issue; however, he now believes that anything that occurs on television is real. We are now very selective with what we allow him to watch because he is angered by anyone who argues or says/does anything remotely negative to a female or child.
As far as me dealing with his delusions, I have found that trying to tell him that his delusions are not real or trying to rationalize with him only angers him and makes it worse. I have had to accept that his delusions are real to him. So basically I have learned to go along with his delusions as long as such does not cause harm or create further problems. It is not easy and is a constant learning experience. For example, he believes that the actors on television are in the house and will ask if we need to feed them, where they will sleep, or where they are at after we have turned off the television (particularly for little children). I generally tell him “oh, they went home” or “they are eating with their parents.” He is usually satisfied with those answers. I know that some will say that I am lying to him but I am actually not in his reality plus it causes no harm and it eases his mind.
I have read this sentiment many times…… you can’t change the person so you need to learn to change yourself.

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In your post you said "I have read this sentiment many times…… you can’t change the person so you need to learn to change yourself." So true in adjusting to stuff you can't change! Read a book describing "life" in a concentration camp and the Survivors accepted their lot in that life as their Survivor's Method to cope daily. They changed themselves. Such an unbelievable terrible time.

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score 9 · Answer 20

Ask his doctor about Lewy Body Dementia..Mom started her LBD with vivid hallucinations, hearing voices in the night, heard singing in her head, and body movements..jerking arms/hands. She then started with uncontrollable BP, bad depression, body temperature issues and poor decision making. No math skills {had been an accountant} and no longer could use her cell phone. She hides her possessions when she has a bad episode of confusion. Took 2 years to get her doctor to listen to us. I have educated mom on LBD and she now can separate the dreams, paranoia etc and reason a lot of it out.

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score 3 · Answer 21

My mother had vivid dreams due to her Parkinson’s disease meds. Have you looked up the side effects of any medications that he is taking?

My mother was trying to walk out of the front door in the middle of the night.

Mom took Sinemet for her Parkinson’s disease. She also had dementia and hospice prescribed Ativan and Seroquel. These drugs helped to keep her calm.

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score 7 · Answer 22

My father started doing the same thing and was diagnosed with Lewy Bodies Syndrome, or sudden onset dementia. We were told not to try to dismiss his delusions. They are very real to him, and it only makes things worse to try to deny them. We try working around them by saying " oh, that person left", and then changing the subject. Redirection and acceptance are the two keys in dealing with dad. I would discuss this with his doctor. LBS is caused by plaques in the brain similar to Alzheimer. The symptoms are different though, including the sudden onset and the delusions. Good luck. I hope it is something else.

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This is the exact same situation with my dad. And some of his stories are pretty wild.

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score 3 · Answer 23

Google "Narcolepsy"; it can be that your father is suffering from Narcolepsy in addition to, or because of, severe sleep apnea and leaving it untreated, which is causing him to have 'delusional confusion of dreaming & reality'.

There is also a relationship between obstructive sleep apnea and vivid dreaming, so it's likely the two are tied in together. But I'd explore the Narcolepsy relationship especially if dad keeps dropping off to sleep constantly.

Good luck!

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score 3 · Answer 24

I would ask for Dad to have a sleep test. With Dementia dreams and TV do become part of their reality. The mind can no longer differentiate between them.

Pneumonia can cause confusion for a while. Your Dad could still have it. I would call his PCP.

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Yes, with dementia, I think everything basically gets put into one big pot and they can no longer differentiate between dreams, reality, thoughts, memories, etc. It all seems the same.

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score 2 · Answer 25

mevans71, welcome to the forum. Regarding dreams, some can feel so very real, and others not. Sometimes food can ramp up a dream.

I found for myself, if I dive into the chocolates after dinner, my dreams feel very real. Same could happen if one drinks cola or anything else with caffine. Or if Dad likes to eat a late dinner after 7pm, whatever he is eating could fire up those dreams.

It's something to explore.

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My 87-year-old father believes dreams are real. Any advice?

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