Going against my parents' final wishes. Any suggestions?

You can get third party help to pay for care for the living but the same can't be said getting help paying for the dead. Keep in mind that prepay burial is one of the few allowable spend down options for Medicaid too.

The reality is when you are dead all your earthly concerns about cremation or burial will seem silly in the supernatural plane. Twisting our loved ones up over how to dispose of our dead bodies should be made as easy as possible for those left behind because the dead have no concerns or worries anymore.

If a burial is that important to a person then it should be important enough for the person who has specific wishes to make those arrangements before they die.

Putting a financial burden on loved ones to carry out your final wishes is wrong.

Sometimes the money just isn't available to honor wishes.

When my nephew died it would have cost us over 3k just to transport his body 400 miles and another 2,500.00+ to prepare the body for transportation. That didn't include any burial or services at the other end. It could have easily exceeded 30k and I wasn't doing that. I would rather give it to the living.

Personally, I find it utterly ridiculous for anyone to expect family to fork over tens of thousands of dollars to bury a dead body that they are done with in a specific hole.

The plot is such a minuscule portion of the expense. Yet people think they have paid for a burial by buying a plot. So sad.

If the money isn't available because it was used while they were living, you have to do what you have to do. It's not your parent any longer, it's just a dead body.

Scripture says...ashes to ashes and dust to dust...this proves church teachings about cremation are not scriptural. Just in case your parents are concerned about their souls if cremated, they needn't be.

Natural Burial. Not too expensive and most important good for the environment.

I would not prepay. Given how well one of your parents is at the time of the death of the OTHER one I would do all I could realistically to comfort and provide the funeral and burial that spouse wanted for their loved one. The other would be cremated. If the remaining spouse was in a latter stage of dementia upon the death of the spouse, and unaware of funeral plans and arrangements, both would be cremated. Poet, Author, and UNDERTAKER Thomas Lynch says that basically, the dead don't care. He says that once you are dead there is nothing that anyone can do FOR you, ABOUT you, WITH you or TO you that will make the slightest difference for you.
I wish you the best in these tough decisions. You will have to do the best you can in your planning.

My dad always wanted to be cremated. We had it done and he was buried in his plot with the family in another state easy peasy, and not very expensive. Mom was on the fence until she saw how easy Dads went, and found out she could be buried in his plot with him. So we did that, easy . My very Catholic Aunt saw how easy these both went and went ahead and prepaid for her eventual cremation, her priest was fine with it and so is her family. Both hubs and want to be cremated, and our DD is aware and mostly OK with it ( hates to think of us passing) We jokingly tell her we want to be on her mantle until she passes to keep an eye on her! She can figure out where to plant us. So I guess what I am saying is that people can change thier minds, so maybe bring it back up once in awhile and see what happens

Grandma died in Florida but had a burial plot in NY with her husband. My mother had grandma cremated and then her remains were buried in the burial plot she had bought to be laid to rest next to her husband in NY. This may be a good compromise for you. The ashes can be mailed back to PA cemetery and you dont have to be on site for that. No worries about transporting the body for burial.

And yes have your parents prepay now for their funerals. The amount of money you would save for any future nursing home would maybe come down to a few months of care so it's really negligible in terms of saving for future facility care. Ask them about a cremation/burial combination I mentioned below. Maybe they will agree to that.

So, a lot of people struggle with this decision and I understand that It’s hard for some people to decide what to do.

Funeral expenses have gone up tremendously. Not everyone can afford this. There are ways to cut expenses if you choose to have a wake.

My cousin died unexpectedly from a heart attack in her forties. She left behind three children and a husband. They were not wealthy and her husband had health issues that he was addressing himself.

What he decided to do was to hold a service, with open viewing, in a ‘rented’ casket. This cut the cost way down by not having to purchase the casket. Then he had her body cremated. They have a family plot but he chose to keep her ashes.

Everyone in my family always did the large wakes and funerals. My father did not want an ‘open’ casket. He had lost so much weight and he was self conscious about being so thin. He didn’t want people to see him in that shape.

Some people came up to my mom and me at his wake and started complaining about his casket being closed! How rude!!! They acted like they had wasted their time attending because they couldn’t gawk at him. It made me sick. I loved my father so much and it hurt me that people said this to my mother who had just lost her spouse of over 50 years!

My brother was cremated. That was his desire. His urn was placed in our family plot.

I was shocked when my mom who was never completely comfortable with the idea of cremation saying towards the end that she was fine with cremation so it would cost less, and all of her friends and many family members had died off. Covid made things more complicated as well.

You do whatever you need to do. Preparing for final arrangements shouldn’t be stressful. You have been through enough. Cremation is fine to do!

My husband and I have decided to be cremated. I have no desire for people to look at my dead body.

I had nightmares as a child from my great aunts telling me that my relatives were ‘just sleeping.’ I thought that when I went to bed that I would end up in a wooden box and not be able to get out.

I go to wakes, funerals and memorials for my family and friends to support and comfort the remaining living family. The dead are already gone. Their souls are in heaven. That’s my belief.

My friend on the other hand who cared for her sister with Downs Syndrome felt that she should have the big funeral because it was what her deceased parents wanted for her. They have a plot in a beautiful cemetery. My friend took out a special insurance policy to cover the cost and paid for the notes on that policy. Her sister got the fancy burial and she wouldn’t have had it any other way. So, it is your choice to do what you feel is best.

Other ways to save, cheaper caskets. I have heard of people ordering caskets online because they are supposed to be a lot cheaper.

There isn’t a need to embalm if you don’t do a viewing and then you can have a simple memorial service.

I never really understood why people have such concerns with what happens to their bodies once they pass on.

Whether or not you are a "person of faith", since we only borrow this mortal shell for a relatively short period of time, the means of disposal really shouldn't matter.

I have told my husband/children that when my time comes, to please do whatever brings THEM comfort after I'm gone. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

My DH and I haven't even bought a burial plot, since we really have no idea where we - or our kids - are going to end up. Silly to purchase a plot here in Orange County NY if we end up moving across the country later in life.

Our intentions are to leave enough money so our expenses are paid for; but in the event that doesn't happen, then our kids are under *no obligation* to pay for anything! Donate our bodies to science, med schools. etc. We will be beyond caring. I am Christian, and believe in eternal life, and in that belief, I sincerely hope I don't have to worry about the same crap after I'm dead that I have to worry about while alive, because frankly, that sounds like the opposite of Heaven to me.