Here goes folks, I’m a right leg amputee and had a left side stroke (currently in a wheelchair). Feeling stressed over visiting my partner, any advice?

My partner has been diagnosed with early onset dementia and is now in a care home. She was my full-time caregiver, so now I’ve employed one. I’m suffering from terrible loneliness as I don’t know anyone local having moved here was her idea. She’s now storing food like a hamster and lashing out at caregivers which, makes me feel so sad as it’s not her. She was such a gentle soul. I’m also just recovering from breast cancer and have been diagnosed with osteoporosis. I have bad anxiety every time I have to go visit her, even worse now that she’s going downhill. I haven’t seen her since before Xmas This also fills me with guilt and dread now. I’m going today and have been up since four thirty worrying about it. Any help/advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.