My sister in law is pregnant, which is so amazing, and I’m so excited to be an auntie! But, yesterday a damn broke inside of me and I remembered my parents taking care of me growing up. My mom passed away 10 years ago from dementia and my father is in a nursing home with dementia. I’m sitting at working tearing up. I miss both my parents so much the grief is super heavy and I don’t know how to make it stop . I have days like this every now and again grieving my dad mostly, but trying to have gratitude for all the things that he CAN still do and just the grateful feeling that he is actually on this planet. It’s very very hard grief is so strange and comes and goes without warning .
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It's great to get support from this wonderful forum too, as you have done.
It's all natural. I find it unnatural when people don't show the emotions or bottle it up.
Enjoy as much as possible with your dad. Unfortunately memories will hit you when you least expect it. I know it's amazingly hard, especially loss of a loved one, I still feel this way about my dad, 18 years on. My last connection with my dad is my mom, what I am going to do in the future? when I can't talk about my dad with my mom? I don't know, it's going to be immensely hard for me, because I don't have communication for various reason with my siblings. I'll need to find a coping mechanism somehow and What about the questions I wish I'd asked but didn't?
I could go deep and say our memories are part of the wider human consciousness, what one human being feels, thinks, is the same as all human beings. So your grief is shared by all human consciousness, i.e your grief is also my grief, your neighbors, your street, your city. Obviously when we're thinking about our kin, it feels unique to the individual and it doesn't take away any of the pain, just by saying the above, but may something to think about in-between feeling down.
After saying everything in the above paragraph, it's far easy to give advice than to heed our own advice, I'm no different when in the thick of it. I most likely would be feeling similar things to you and for that there's only one thing you can get from another human being for it. It's compassion and
((((((Compassionate hugs)))))
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I had 5 “Moms”- my birth mother who was crippled by mental illness, and her 4 sisters, who quickly stepped in when she wasn’t able to take care of me.
I just lost the last “Mom” in early December, and I often find myself totally unable to deal with my feelings.
When she was sick with COVID I begged in my prayers to be able to hug her and tell her I loved her again, and that prayer was granted.
Until about a week and a half before her death, she could still whisper “I love you” in response to my kissing her goodby and telling her the same.
My horror is that I was unable to be there in the last week because her SNF had an outbreak of COVID again, and at my age, I couldn’t take the risk. It is a very painful feeling.
I am SO SORRY that you are experiencing your sorrow already. You obviously cherish you dad’s presence in your life right now. As in my situation, you may be doing everything you can.
Be at peace, as much as you can, with that.
It is fine to mourn and to remember. And to MISS being able to hear the voice, hold the hand. Just be certain to celebrate those tears that come of shared love and laughter, so they can sustain.
I know the feeling of getting on with life and suddenly being blindsided by a memory. Just be certain you remember when you are blindsided by a joy shared, as well. My heart goes out to you.